Finding Out
by Monsterpanda
Summary: She finds her beautiful, she finds her strong, she finds her lovely. She doesn't understand this feeling but when she does will she be rejected, will it be too late? Battling these feelings while battling a war, a war where you find your brother fighting against you might kill her.
1. Here at the start

**A/N: Ayo peoples, I own nothing but new characters and ideas and shit. I make no money from writing and all rights go to the owners. I wanted to branch out and write stories for some other fandoms I'm in.**

I ran a brush through my short, dark, wavy hair before applying makeup. I thought it was the only way I was pretty, although many guys had told me otherwise and I should definitely believe most of them because they're Candor. We don't lie. Or, at least we aren't supposed to but my brother goes against that quite a lot. But anyway, their compliments, while I do thank them, make me feel uncomfortable and do very little for my self-esteem. I was sixteen and still had not formed any sort of physical attraction for guys, my mother told me not to worry that I just needed to throw myself out there and since then has tried to set me up with way too many guys but thankfully my brother has scarred them away.

I smoothed out my dress and slipped on my blazer before looking at myself in the full length mirror, every faction other than Abnegation had mirrors at their disposal. They found it selfish, I can see why they did.

I stood at a normal 5'4, roughly the same height as my mother. My brother was much taller like our father. Our eyes were a deep, dark green that reflected light and looked like emeralds when they did. The only other thing we had in common was our hair. Dark with deep waves, shining even in darkness. I loved my hair, I wanted to grow it out but my father accidentally burned my hair so I had to chop a whole lot off. I also had freckles sprayed over my cheeks and nose but he had only had a few on his nose area.

"Alessa!" I groaned as I heard my mother's shrill scream. "Your cat has caught another rat!" I giggled as I walked out of my room, my school bag in hand. I walked into the kitchen where my mother was sitting on the counter and my cat was sitting just below her with a live rat in her mouth.

"Hey there Cally, what is that you have?" I crouched beside her petting her little furry bed and letting her drop the rat into my hand. "Such a good girl" she purred and walked off to her bed, I was afraid I was going to leave her. Maybe I could take her with me. I was sure my bag was big enough for her.

"Well, the rat's fine. She never hurts them" my mother was still on the counter paralyzed with fear. "Mom, the rat isn't going to hurt you, he's nice." With that she hesitantly got off the counter but did not take her chances by introducing herself. I rolled my eyes, my brother finally came downstairs.

"Another rat?" he asked, "And let me guess, not dead? Useless cat" he smirked.

"Shut up Peter, she isn't useless. She won't kill without being provoked, this rat did nothing."

"Then let me have him" he made a grab for him but I was faster, I turned and moved to my right.

"Ew, no. You'll hurt him for no reason. At least we know what you won't be getting today; Amity." He smiled and shook his head as he grabbed a piece of toast. I grabbed an apple before following him out of the house, Candor was closest to the school so most walked. I had to suffer through walking with my brothers friends, I didn't mind walking with my brother but his friends were horrible and around them he only showed the side that matched them.

I found a bush and set down the rat, he scampered away as soon as I put him down. Peter yelled at me to hurry him, "Don't tell me what to do" I growled as I walked past him and into the school. Christina was waiting for me by the faction history class room, which was our first class, "Hey" I smiled.

"Hey, your brother is still watching you" she rolled her eyes. I groaned and nearly banged my head on the wall, he was over protective and assumed everyone I came in contact with wanted to have a little fun. I hoped that wasn't true.

"Yeah, I've realized. Let's get to class, I feel like I'm about to puke"

"I know what you mean, I mean I'm definitely not that nervous but I was this one time when…" she then launched into a full conversation about this time her dog Chunkers got really sick and had to be taken to the vet.

I sighed as I watched my brother knock over a little Abnegation girl, I've never seen her before. Or at least I don't think I have but I'm looking at her back. "My brother is an ass. I should go help her."

"No, who knows what other people will try to do to you. You'll be labeled as the 'Stiff lover' and I'll have to hurt people" Christina said with a smile as she grabbed my arm.

"You're so weird" I half smiled.

"So, what do you think you'll get?" she asked, I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't really know, I didn't mind telling the truth so Candor could be one. But I also like knowledge and peace and selflessness and recklessness. All to an extent of course. I was really depending on the aptitude test to tell me where I needed to be placed.

"Well, I don't think I want to stay in Candor" she looked sad, I can understand why. Choosing to leave would be choosing to leave your whole family and risking it all to start over.

"Hey, your family loves you and will support everything you do. Just make sure you pass inanition" I smiled encouragingly.

"Well look at you, Amity" she joked with her trade mark smirk. She was a tall girl with long slender legs and a willowy frame. She had short, almost black, hair, warm brown skin, and her eyes were like cups of swirling black coffee.

"Shut up" I punched her arm as the bell rang nearly giving me a heart attack. "You would think with all the technical advances they would have come up with a superior way to tell us class is starting." I grumbled.

"Erudite? She questioned looked confused, was she making a game out of this?

"Again, shut up." I was thankful all classes were cut in half today, I don't think I could manage to keep my focus on one thing for too long. I was buzzing with nervous energy.

I was making my way from my last class to the lunch room, after lunch we followed an instructor through a door that was always locked and blocked off. This door led us down a corridor and into a waiting room, this waiting room contained 10 rooms where people would administer the aptitude test. I was lucky I haven't puked yet.

I sat with my friends from Candor, Christina and a few other girls. A few boys came up to us and attempted to flatter us, the other girls played along but I sat there awkwardly wishing I could magically summon my brother.

"Come on Alessa, go on a date with me."

"Joseph, for the 20th time, no. Leave me alone." It surprised me that he was this stupid, he obviously wasn't going to be an Erudite.

He smirked and twirled a strand of my hair, I saw red. I punched him square in the face. "You fucking bitch!" he screamed, I didn't know why I was so mad. Peter ran up and dragged me far away. Too far away to be held responsible for what just happened, no one saw either.

"He ask you out again?" Peter said as he washed the blood from my hand, thankfully it was all Josephs.

"Yes and then started getting a little too close for my comfort." I shrugged, I shouldn't have freaked out but I did and I didn't regret it.

"Okay, remember what I do. Now let's go. Testing is starting and all this shit is random so I don't know when we're getting called."

We turn the corner and Molly and Drew nearly run us over, Peter scowled. "What were you two doing? They called your names! We couldn't find you." Molly grumbled, her breath smelled like cat piss and death.

"I saw Joseph bleeding and I started feeling like I was going to puke so I ran to the bathroom" I lied, it was easy.

"I was pissing, let's go" Peter was back to showing _that_ side of him, I didn't like it.

"Hi Alessa" Drew smirked, immediately I felt like I was two feet tall. "You want to come over this weekend?" his smile was too toothy, his teeth looked rotted and like he never brushed them.

"I'd rather die" I said bluntly, his face contorted in anger. "Now if you'll excuse me I don't want to keep my brother waiting" I pushed past him and nearly tackled Peter, I told him what happened and I'm pretty sure the only reason he didn't turn around and kill him was because we were now in a room full of people.

"Ah, yes. Alessa and Peter Hayes? An older lady asked us, she wore Erudite blue and wore glasses attached to a chain that went around her neck.

"Yes ma'am" I smiled and walked forward, she motioned for me to enter the room that was clearly marked '6' and for Peter to enter room '8'. He offered me an encouraging smile, he knew how nervous I was. I told him everything, Candors were open about everything but I think our family was different from the others. We held a little too many secrets. Peter lied too easily, the truth serum didn't fully work on mother, and other things I only caught glimpses of.

"Hello" I greeted the dauntless lady that was readying the wires. "I'm Alessa Hayes." She looked up before grabbing a clipboard and marking down something.

"I'm Tori" she smiles, it isn't full and offers that she lost someone she loves. I knew I shouldn't ask. She has small, dark, angular eyes and wears a black blazer and black jeans.

I turned and sat on the metal chair that was padded in the area that you sat. It was like a dentist chair, I didn't like the dentist because he always stabbed my cheek and tried to set me up with his son and set Peter up with his daughter.

I looked around the room, the walls were mirrors even the ceiling was. It made me uncomfortable because the only thing I could do was look at myself and I didn't particularly like myself. I focused instead on Tori, she was less severe looking than the younger dauntless members. "Do you have tattoos?" I asked, curiosity got the better of me.

"I do" she didn't elaborate. I was squirming in my seat, nearly falling out of it. She sat in the chair and bent to continue with the wires, "I have two main ones, they signify two things I overcame. One is the hawk on the base of my neck. In some parts of the ancient world, the hawk symbolized the sun. Back when I got this, I figured if I always had the sun on me, I wouldn't be afraid of the dark. The other is a river on my forearm but I don't think I'll tell that story." Her smile faded. That was the story of losing the person who took her smile with them. Did he drown?

"Thank you for telling me." I said, "When I was younger I was afraid of the dark and my parents would get so mad so I would lock myself in a dark closet with my cat, Cally, until I didn't feel like crying anymore. I'm not scared anymore either, in fact, I like it." She looked at me with something strange glinting in her eyes, something I've only seen in Christians', sympathy.

"I think that was very brave of you but now we must get to the test, okay?" she connected wires to my head then hers before handing me a vial of pale orange liquid. "Drink this."

"For the simulation?" I asked, she nodded with a curious expression. I suddenly felt like I said something wrong. I took a shaky breath before quickly drinking the contents of the vial. My head was foggy and my stomach was churning.

I blinked, I was standing in a room in Candor. It was obvious it was Candor. There was no furniture other than two pedestals. Both had baskets, one with cheese and one with a knife as long as my forearm. I looked them both other when a voice spoke, it was female and sharp. Confidence and power ebbed and flowed through her voice.

"Choose one."

"Why do I have to choose?"

"Choose one." She repeated, more sternly.

"What am I going to use them for?" I crossed my arms, anger furrowed my brow.

"Choose!" she screamed.

"No!"

"Fine" I whipped around expecting something to come at me, I was right to expect that.

A dog entered the room snarling, muscle coiled like wires, tense, and ready to attack. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." I muttered to myself. Was my brother going through this same thing? He would have chosen the knife, he would have killed the dog. I can see why the cheese would help me, I looked behind me but the baskets were gone. "Motherfucker, okay, think." I took a deep breath and calmed myself and though back to biology class. I remember that human glands secrete a chemical when in a state of duress like their prey. I didn't fear the dog. I watched the dogs' stance, he was an alpha and I had to treat him as such. I couldn't threaten him. I bowed my head and very slowly lowered myself to my knees, the dog pranced forward and sat in front of me.

I looked up and held out my hand, he sniffed it for a few seconds before licking my face. I let out a stream of giggles, "Good boy!"

"Puppy!" I heard a little girl cry out.

"Fuck" I look up to see a little girl with dark hair and pale green eyes, dressed in a flowy white dress.

She squeals again, "Puppy!" she couldn't be more than three. She ran forward, the dog was snarling again.

"Stop!" I yelled, the little girl stopped dead and looked at me as I launched myself between myself and the dog. The dog pounced and went to take a chunk out of my throat but used all my force throw the dog to my right.

"Bad boy!" I growled, the little girl grabbed my leg and followed close behind me. The dog whimpered, I crouched beside him and started petting him. "Come on boy, be nice" the little girl toddled out from behind me and crouched too even though she didn't have to.

"Puppy?" she questioned, I smiled.

"Yes, pet the puppy." She did, he growled but I growled in response and he quieted. I heard another growl but not from the dog in front of us, he was now playing with the little girl.

I turned to see another dog, bigger, and foaming from the mouth. "Dammit." I pursed my lips, the same tactics wouldn't work again. I ran at him as he ran at me and tackled him, my arms around his neck. His whimpers caused tears to trickle from my eyes. I shut my eyes tightly and when I opened them again I was gripping a pole.

"Whoa" I muttered, I looked around. I was on a bus, I had rarely been on a bus because I had always preferred walking. Except every time I did Peter insisted he come with me so obviously Molly and Drew tagged along. I hated them and I hated that side of him.

"Have you seen this man?" I turned to see the man standing in front of me, any visible skin was burned and scared like he got in a knife fight with a fire. He was pointing to a picture on the front of a newspaper. The headline read 'Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!' I took it into my hands and looked it over, studying the picture. He looked familiar but I don't know who he was. He was a young gentleman with a beard and cold, unforgiving eyes.

"He looks familiar, I think I know him." I handed him the paper and he smiled.

"You saved me" his voice was strained, relieved and happy and sad all at once.

I nearly jumped from the metal chair. Tori looked at me with confused eyes. "Impossible" she barely whispers.

"What is?" I ask but she unplugs the wires and hurries out of the room. I feel nauseas, I stand and vomit on the floor. "Ugh, gross" I groan and lean of the mirrored walls with my eyes tightly shut, I was clutching my churning stomach.

"Alessa" she started when she came back in the room, "Oh" she stopped and made a sour face. "I guess what I said wasn't a lie, you really did get sick."

"Drinking serums makes me sick." I dry heaved almost vomited again, she called for a janitor to clean it up. When he was done she asked for him to leave the supplies in case it happened again.

"Now what were my results?" I asked, she pursed her lips.

"Alessa, I'm sorry but your results were inconclusive. I believe you already know how this works, each stage of the simulation eliminates one faction until one remains." I nodded, I suspected that. "You are something people find very dangerous, you are divergent. But not just divergent, you are the most divergent person I have ever seen. Your test eliminated no factions."

"How dangerous is being divergent?" I asked, my heart was thumping a thousand times a minute and a tsunami was taking place in my stomach, I had to fight to keep the waves of puke down.

"Extremely, your brain works differently. It pulls you in many directions instead of just one. And there are people who will kill you for that. I entered your result as Abnegation." I didn't want to be in Abnegation, I don't think I could be selfless enough to be one of them.

"Alright. I'm going back out there, my brother is waiting."

"No, you need to go home. You're sick and have a lot of thinking to do, waiting wouldn't be beneficial. Go, I'll tell him you got sick and you had to leave." I nodded, she handed me a small bucket, "Just in case, be careful kid."

"Whoever you lost, I'm sorry they took your smile with them. You're brave and strong, the true meaning of dauntless." I said, I didn't look back I simply walked out of the room. My heart was still hammering in my chest and the tsunami found its way out of my throat. I spent the next few minutes vomiting into the bucket. Finally I felt like I was done, I hid the bucket in a bush and was about to walk home but I knocked over an Abnegation girl.

"Oh shit, I am so sorry. I wasn't paying attention and I was just puking into a bucket, are you okay? Wait are the girl that got knocked over this morning?" I helped her up and brushed off her clothing, a strange tingling spreading through my fingertips and cheeks.

"Oh, I'm okay. And yes. I was in the way." She falter, "Uh, erm, are you okay?"

"I mean, I'm fine. No need to ask how I am, you're the one who got knocked over but you are Abnegation so I'm guessing you're taught to do that but also kind of faltered so I'm also guessing that wasn't your test result." I smiled, her eyes were wide with fear. "Don't worry, I won't ask or make you tell. I have secrets too."

We started walking and talking, she offered to walk me home first. I took the offer. "So, I'm guessing you got sick too?" I asked. She nodded uneasily, "I thought I was going to be the only one, well this is the entrance into Candor so I'll let you go, Beatrice. Ya know, you look more like a Tris, the abbreviation for your name." I smiled, I'd have to learn to keep my mouth shut if I chose to change factions.

By the time I got to my room, undressed, showered, changed into night clothes, and readied for dinner Peter was home. It had taken him awhile. "Are you okay?" he asked, he looked worried which meant his lackeys weren't here.

"I got really sick because we had to drink the serum, I didn't know that" I shrugged, he gave me a hug and helped me set the table. We ate together since our mom and dad didn't get home until very late then wanted to be left alone, they weren't very nice people.

"I know we aren't supposed to tell people our results but I don't care, you're my little sister."

"I was born three minutes after you."

"Meaning I am three minutes older" he smiled smugly, oh how I wanted to slap that smug smile off him. I smiled and started in on my dried toast. Shitty dinner but my stomach couldn't retain much food right now. "Man I'm sorry you can't eat this, you make the best grilled chicken and mac-n-cheese."

"Eat your broccoli, you'll grow big and strong" I mimicked our mother in a high pitched nasally voice. He smiled and stifled a laugh as he ate his broccoli.

"So, my test results. I got dauntless and a little bit of candor but mostly dauntless. That's what I'm choosing tomorrow, dauntless I mean." I smiled, I was going to lose my brother I chose candor or what Tori entered me as.

"What were your results?" he asked through a mouthful of food, I puckered my face. "Oh, sorry" he covered his mouth.

"It's okay, my results were dauntless and erudite" I smiled, technically I wasn't lying. I was divergent, I was all of the factions. It made me feel powerful and weak at the same time.

"Then tomorrow let's join dauntless together, Molly and Drew are joining too"

"I hate them and I know you're not too fond of them either, like if I just pushed one of them off of a cliff you wouldn't care unless they scratched me when I did. Then you'd find their bodies and stab them." I took a sip of my water, he choked on his chicken from laughing. I giggled.

After dinner he did the dishes then we went up to bed, I was going to choose dauntless tomorrow. I was going to risk everything to stay with my brother. My asshole brother that was only nice to me, maybe I could find him a nice girl for him to settle down with. And when visiting day come mom will bring me Cally and I'll hide her for the remainder of the time I don't have an apartment.

I settled into bed, Cally snuggled into the crook of my neck and started purring until I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

 **Hey, thanks for reading. Review maybe?**


	2. Choosing

**A/N: Heyo, I still don't own anything except new characters and events. I make no money and all rights go to the rightful owners and stuff.**

"You're being ridiculous!" my mother chided, "You will wear the dress and the heals, you are a girl." I wanted to strangle myself. I wanted to strangle myself. It was just a waiting game to see who I actually strangled this time.

"Fine" I grumbled, I grabbed them from her hands and quickly dressed before throwing on a blazer as well. I did my make-up and hair, put on my necklace and then looked at myself in the mirror.

"See, you look much better in a dress." She smiled.

"Yeah, better" I rolled my eyes and tried to move past her but she grabbed my shoulders.

"I know you'll make the right choice today" she said it a little too forcefully, she squeezed my shoulders. Suddenly I was glad I was leaving her and my father. Peter came in, still in his pajamas, and made up a quick lie.

"I need Alessas' help, I don't know what to wear and she's so fashionable." He flashed his smug smile, I half smiled as mom let me go.

"Oh, dear. I could help you or your father could." She reasoned, but Peter shook his head.

"No thanks mom, I'd rather Alessa help me." With that I followed him to his room, his clothes were laid out on his bed. I sat on the chair in the corner of his room. "You okay?" he asked as he started getting dressed.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just glad that we're leaving today"

"I couldn't agree more."

An hour later and our parents were taking their seats while Peter and I stood with other 16 year olds that would be choosing today. I saw the girl from yesterday a few pew people in front of us. She was beautiful, like a doll. With large grey blue eyes and a long thin nose, her features are both striking and beautiful.

My heart started beating faster and my palms were sweaty, "Are you okay?" Peter whispered since Marcus was giving the speech.

"Oh, uh, I think so. I fell weird, maybe I'm still sick." I wiped my hands on my blazer and calmed my breathing, I hoped I didn't puke. I didn't feel like I was going to, maybe I was just nervous.

Marcus started calling names in reverse alphabetical order, Beatrice looked to be debating between Abnegation and Dauntless. Her home and maybe where she was meant to be. After moments of silence she chose dauntless causing whoops and cheers from them, I smiled to myself.

After a few more minutes Peter was called up, he sliced his hand and dripped his hand over the dauntless coals. Another roar of whoops and cheers erupted, he shot me an encouraging smile as he made his way to the dauntless section.

"Alessa Hayes" Marcus called, my heart stilled. I willed myself to walk forward but my world was tilting. I took the knife from Marcus and sliced my palm, crimson blood sprang up. I watched it as it dripped down into the dauntless coals, I took a napkin and a Band-Aid. Dauntless cheers erupted as they welcomed me, I cleaned off the blood and placed the Band-Aid on the cut.

Peter hugged me tightly then we waited for everyone else to be called and for them to choose. Drew and Molly were some of the last to choose and of course they chose dauntless, I don't know why I ever hoped I would be free of them. They act like my brothers shadows.

"Alessa!" Christina shouted, I had been looking for Beatrice but she was rather short and some of these people were rather tall.

"Chrissy!" she tackle hugged me, I think she would do well in dauntless. "This is crazy." I laughed. Peter scowled at her and walked away with his friends.

"You would think your brother would have gotten use to be by now" she huffed, "And, I know. I think we're insane" she smirked.

Everyone started leaving, walking with polite smiles but not the dauntless. The dauntless started fucking running. "Oh motherfuckin' no" I groaned, Chrissy laughed. She was wearing sneakers. She probably knew this would happen.

"Let's go" I grumbled, we took off with the dauntless. Down the stairs and out of the building to the train tracks. My chest hurt. "Running in heels is a big no-no" Chrissy smiled as we started running again, this time we were going to jump on a fucking train. How wonderful. A train. Chrissy was behind me, I threw my weight sideways into the train car and landed on my arm. Peter grabbed me and pulled me to my feet.

"Be careful." He whispered before going to his friends, I guess this was how it was going to be now. Chrissy jumped in, I pulled her up. We were both breathing hard, like our heart was about to explode or about to jump right out of our chests.

We heard a thump moments later, Chrissy looked out and pulled in a girl. Beatrice. They slumped against the floor laughing, Chrissy looked up to me and held up her hands to me. I took them and she pulled me down. "Okay, is it just me or are they trying to kill us?" she laughed. Beatrice laughed breathlessly.

"They're jumping!" Peter yelled, I stood and looked out of the train car. He was right, dauntless born were jumping out of the train cars onto the roof of a building.

"Time to get up." I smiled. I moved to the other opening of the train car and smiled at Peter, he seemed scared but thrilled. "Ready?" I asked, he nodded and took my hand. We jumped, it seemed like forever but it couldn't be more than a few seconds. I landed on Peter, which I'm sure he did on purpose.

"Are you okay?" he asked after I helped him up.

"Yeah, I'm good, no gravel touched me. Are you okay?"

"My back hurts" he smiled before jogging back to Molly and Drew, Christina and Beatrice jumped and landed a few feet away from me.

"Hey guys!" I waved as they walked over with smiles, Chrissy was laughing and pulling gravel from her hair.

"Do you think we get to do that again?" she asked as she looked between us, she was definitely going to fit in here in dauntless.

"I hope so" I nudged Chrissy with a smile. Beatrice still seemed exasperated, like adrenaline was still pumping through her veins. Her pale blonde hair was windblown and her eyes were wide

"Do you like her?" Chrissy whispered in my ear, I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.

"What are talking about? She's a girl."

"Yeah, so? A girl can like a girl." She smiled playfully at my confused expression. "Ya know what, we can talk later. I'll explain everything my confused little ladybug."

A scream of pain and horror nearly gave me a heart attack, we looked to see a dauntless born boy holding back a dauntless born girl who was screaming and crying. We looked over the ledge, a girl was on the pavement 15 stories below. Her limbs were bent at odd angles and blood spilt from wounds. The dauntless born weren't safe. We weren't safe. I barely heard anything over the roar of blood in my ears, I turned and walked away as fast as possible.

I bumped into a young dauntless man, he looked down at me. "Hello there" he smiled at my expression.

"I'm sorry I bumped into you. I just saw a dead body, it was first time. Dead body virginity is gone" he laughed and walked away to the ledge, he stepped up and called everyone to attention.

"Alright, listen up initiates. I'm Eric, I'm one of your dauntless leaders. If you want to enter dauntless this is the way in" he motioned past the edge where he was standing, maybe they were trying to kill us. "If you don't have the guts to jump then you don't belong in dauntless." He half smiled, mischief twinkled in his eyes.

A boy with scruffy blonde hair and pale green eyes spoke, "Is there water at the bottom or something?" he was dressed in erudite blue.

"I guess you'll find out, or not" Eric replied, still smirking quite smugly. I think he would either get along quite well with my brother or they would hate each other, no in between.

The boy mumbled something to Beatrice, she just shrugged and made a face. It was funny and surprisingly cute.

"Well, someone's gotta go first" Eric looked at each of us, "Who's it gonna be?"

"Me" Tris said without hesitation, I smirked. She definitely wasn't a Stiff. She walked forward and shakily and stood on the ledge, took a deep breath, then jumped. There was no screaming and no sickening crack or splat so I know she was safe.

After a few minutes Eric asked, "Who's next to jump?"

"Me" I walked forward but had a hard time steading myself.

"Might help to take off the heels" Eric suggest.

"Holy shit, I don't have to wear heels anymore." I took them off and held them in my hand, Eric picked me up and set me on the ledge.

I looked back to see Peter staring at me with wide scared eyes, I smiled and jumped. I laughed and seconds later I landed on something hard, my limbs tangled with it, my heart hammered and adrenaline was pumping through me. I laughed again as I was pulled out by a guy with olive skin and dark blue eyes.

"Hey there" I was out of breath, I landed with a small thud.

"What's your name?" he asked, his breath smelled like onions and cake.

"Alessa"

"Second jumper, Alessa!" he called, I walked over to Beatrice.

"I changed my name" she smiled sheepishly, "My name is Tris now."

"Tris, how does it feel to officially be a dauntless initiate?"

"Amazing" she laughed. A few minutes later Chrissy and another girl, a dauntless born with a curvy body and wavy mousy brown hair. She looked at us with unsure eyes, although they lingered on me. I felt the blood rush again, I looked away and busied myself with the edge of my dress.

I put my heels back on incase anything sharp was on the floor. I didn't want to impale myself.

A woman introduces herself as Lauren when all the initiates are present, we follow her, Eric, and Four down a few corridors. But I stop when I notice that the fourth jumper walked down a different corridor, I follow her closely but quietly. It's not long before she turns and tries to back me against the wall but I've seen Peter, my father, and my mother use that same move too many times. Instead I have her pinned against the wall with my forearm against her throat.

"Hi" I puffed my cheeks, she snarls in return.

"Why are you following me?"

"I wanted to see where you were going"

"Why"

"You're interesting."

"No, I'm not. I'm going to go shave my head."

"See, interesting. But you shouldn't shave it, maybe I can cut it for you. Like a really short haircut. More intimidating I think."

She narrows her eyes at me, "Excuse me?"

"You're going to shave your head because you want the boys to feel threatened or intimated by you and not go easy on you or anything like that because you're a girl" she strained to look at my close.

"You aren't an erudite."

"Oh, no. My mom originally was though, father was originally dauntless. They liked to flaunt it to my brother and me."

"So, you want to cut my hair?" she asks. I smiled and unpinned her.

"Yeah, could be fun, I cut my brothers and few neighbor kids. I cut mine" I was leaning on the wall, she flipped us and had her arms on either side of my head. I swear my heart had never beat faster, not when I jumped off the ceiling or the train or anything.

"Then let's go" she smirked, I made a noise that vaguely sounded like a whimper. She stepped away, turned, and started walking.

I definitely needed to talk to Chrissy. Which, honestly, she shouldn't go by that nickname anymore. Chris, maybe.

I followed her down corridors and up flights of stairs, into darkness, and into the paling sunlight. After a few minutes we were in an apartment, an older woman was sitting in the front room cleaning a gun.

"This is my mom."

"Hello dear, call me Cheyenne." She smiled without looking up.

"My name is Alessa."

"Initiate?" she questioned with a raised a brow.

I looked down at my clothing, wasn't it obvious?

"Uh, Alessa. My mom is blind. She doesn't leave the house."

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, I didn't know. I am a transfer from Candor."

"Ah, the mouthy type" she smirked, the same smirk Lynn had.

"Anyway, I was going to show her something real quick" Lynn interrupted, we walked past her mom and walked down a hall to the last door on the right. We entered, it was the bathroom. Was I hoping it was her room? Oh god. I felt my blood rushing to my face and my stomach fluttering.

She sat on the edge of the bathtub with her feet inside it. "The clippers and scissors are in the top drawer." I grabbed the things and began chopping her long hair off.

A few minutes later and I announced I was done, she stripped her clothes off and turned on the water. I turned around as she showered quickly, my heart was hammering. Soon she finished, dressed in clothes that were on the counter, dried her hair, and then cleaned up her hair on the floor.

"So?" my voice sounded strange.

"So what?" she questioned as she looked in the mirror.

"So, do you like it?"

"I do, probably better than I would have liked it shaved. Don't know how you talked me out of it. We should get going. I'll explain what you need to do, my sister has already passed initiation so I know everything.

On the way to the cafeteria she explains what I'll go through, it sounds horrible but I can do it. "Do you already regret switching factions?" she questioned.

"No, of course not. I prefer to regret nothing. If I may ask you, how did your mother become blind?"

"Already starting to learn your place." She half smiled, "A serum that was still in the process of being made, it wasn't perfected or tested yet. It sprayed in her eyes because she chose to protect another person, she became blind and the person she save exiled himself because he couldn't carry the shame." She sounded bitter. "That person was my father. If I can even call him that, good for nothing asshole" she snarled.

"Maybe one day you'll run into him and get to make him regret leaving, regret being an idiot. Looks like he lost a lot." She looked down at me, she is a few inches taller than I am.

"Thanks, I like that you don't look at me like I'm damaged goods or an orphaned kitten."

"You're not an orphaned kitten but maybe you are my kitten" I smiled then realized what I said and wanted to through myself off a cliff, I am an idiot.

She laughed to my relief, "Maybe you're my kitten" We walked into the cafeteria, she waved goodbye and I made my way to where Tris and Chrissy sat.

"Hello my babies" I grinned as Chrissy and Tris looked up at me with confused smiles. Four looked at me confused too but without a smile. "You are not one of my babies" I puffed my cheeks.


	3. Learning

**A/N: I already know what people are going to say 'oh she's a Mary sue!" that's the whole point. I still only own new characters and events and make no money from writing, all rights go to the rightful owners. Also, I am going to have Eric's hair short, I just can't stand 'long greasy hair' it makes me want to vomit and I will not write a character like that.**

I sat beside the boy with dirty blonde hair and pale green eyes. "Hello, my names Will" he introduced himself.

"My names Alessa and that is Christina and Tris" I said as I pointed to each of them in turn. Four still was giving me a weird look.

Eric sat beside Christina and looked at us all, an awkward silence ate up our conversation. I already felt awkward that Four was giving me looks because he thinks I called him my baby. I found that thought repulsing.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" It seemed like a normal question but I know it isn't, Eric motions to me, Chrissy, and Tris.

"That's Tris" he began, "Christina, and Alyssa"

"It's Alessa" I sneered, I hated when people got my name wrong.

"What candor?"

"I said my name is Alessa not Alyssa you idiot. If you forgot such a simple name already maybe that's why Eric is a dauntless leader instead of you. I've been told about you, I don't think they really want you. They would've tried harder by now"

"Initiate, calm down" Eric was smiling, not just a smirk but a full blown smile. I felt awkward but also proud.

Will leaned down, "Do you want to die already?" I could feel him smiling though.

"Maybe" I kept myself in the conversation but wasn't paying complete attention. Tris didn't talk much. But when she finally did it definitely sparked my interest.

"It must be because you're so approachable" she turns to him with a dead expression, my eyes go wide, "You know. Like a bed of nails." She says flatly. Oh shit. I'm not the only one with a death wish.

They stare at each other, battling for dominance like they had reverted back to their basic instincts. Will leaned down and whispered, "When do you think they'll kiss?" he was smirking and stifling laughter. I faked a smile but my stomach sunk. I don't know why. Christina heard, she looks sympathetic. I also don't know why.

After minutes Four says "Be careful Tris" she blushes, she's pale so the bright pink looks odd on her. Another dauntless at a different tables calls Four over, once he leaves Christina laughs.

"I have a theory."

"And it is?" Tris asks, her eyebrows raised in confusion.

She picks up her hamburger and grins, "That" she motions to both of us, managing to flick mustard on Will in the process, "Both of you have a death wish."

Four disappeared and Eric leads us down a few hallways, Chrissy was on my side and Tris on my other. Peter was a few people the left of Tris with Molly and Drew. Even though we were here together I knew it would be as though I was alone. The shuffling of feet and bodies moved people from their original spots, Tris was in front of me and Chrissy was in front of her.

We walk on uneven ground, blue lamps are positioned at the end of each hallway making misting the halls in hazy blue light. It was surreal and other worldly.

Tris stumbled and tripped a lot, either grabbing onto Chrissy or falling into my arms, it was easy to catch her. She was so light, like a feather. I was use to catching my brother when he wanted to sneak out. I was use to holding up my father when he had too much to drink, he was a burly man. I was used to doing a lot of things that would help me here in dauntless, I just realized that.

Eric stops in front of a wooden door and folds his arms. We shuffle forward and gather around him.

"For those of you who don't know my name is Eric," he says as he looks us over. "I am one of the five leaders of dauntless. We take the initiation process very serious here, so I volunteered to oversee most of your training." I didn't mind that, they might be seeking out weak links, possible problems, or potential leadership. Well, actually, I did mind that. I was a possible problem. I was a divergent. Was even thinking that word dangerous? Can people read minds here?

"Some ground rules," he says. "You have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place every day from eight to six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do whatever you like after six. You will also get some time off between each stage of initiation." I can do this, I make it. I can do what I want without my mother breathing down my neck.

"You are only permitted to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless," he adds in a sterner voice. "Behind this door is the room where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. You will notice that there are ten beds, the perfect amount" He smirks. It was rather cruel of him to smirk at that, we started with twelve.

"But we started with twelve," Chrissy looks shocked, I understand why. It's horrible. I think of the girl who didn't make it to the roof. Tris shuts her eyes and purses her eyes, what is she thinking?

"There is always at least one transfer who doesn't make it to the compound," says Eric, picking at his cuticles. He shrugs. "Anyway, in the first stage of initiation, we keep transfers and Dauntless-born initiates separate, but that doesn't mean you are evaluated separately. At the end of initiation, your rankings will be determined in comparison with the Dauntless-born initiates. And they are better than you are already. So I expect—"

"Rankings?" asks the mousy-haired Erudite girl to my right. "Why are we ranked?"

Eric smiles, and in the blue light, his smile looks wicked, like it was cut into his face with a knife. It was a smile I saw on my brothers' face when he hurt someone, would I become like them? Was choosing dauntless wrong?

"Your ranking serves two purposes," he says. "The first is that it determines the order in which you will select a job after initiation. There are only a few desirable positions available."

My heart drops, I don't like where this is going. My breath catches in my throat as he starts again.

"The second purpose," he says, "is that only the top ten initiates are made members."

My stomach is churning and I feel faint, angry, and like I'm going to puke. Everyone stands still, some with wide eyes and others with scared expressions. Everyone knew the dauntless initiation was the hardest, but we didn't know this.

Christina is the first to regain her composure, "What?"

"There are eleven Dauntless-borns, and ten of you," Eric continues. "Four initiates will be cut at the end of stage one. The remainder will be cut after the final test."

I have to secure a place at the top, I have to be good. Maybe not too good, I don't know what divergents were. Were we better than others? Would I be better than the others? I was scared. But I would make it. I looked to Chrissy who was looking to me then Tris, Tris was staring at Eric

"What do we do if we're cut?" Peter asks, he had moved closer to us. He gave me a worried look, his protective eyes shining. He didn't have to protect me anymore. I was going to prove that to him.

"You leave the dauntless compound," says Eric indifferently, "and live factionless."

The mousy haired erudite girl clamps her hand over her mouth and stifles a sob. I remember once when I skipped school with Peter, Molly, and Drew, not by choice obviously, we ran by the factionless sector of the city. They didn't pay them any mind but I saw babies and children playing in the dirt, some with scrapes and bruises and looking barely fed. Older Abnegation were handing out clothes and food.

I didn't want to depend on someone for my survival. I wanted to thrive on my own, I wanted to be able to protect myself. I wanted to be dauntless. I would be dauntless.

"But that's…not fair!" Molly nearly yells Even though she sounds angry, she looks terrified. "If we had known—" she began but was cut off.

"Are you saying that if you had known this before the Choosing Ceremony, you wouldn't have chosen Dauntless?" Eric snaps. "Because if that's the case, you should get out now. If you are really one of us, it won't matter to you that you might fail. And if it does, you are a coward." Eric pushes the door to the dormitory open.

"You chose us," he says. "Now we have to choose you."

"So, we choose beds now?" Chrissy asks once Eric leaves.

"I guess so."

"Well, they're bunk beds so…uh…Tris can have bottom bunk and I'll take top. You can take the bottom next to ours and Will can take the tops." Chrissy concluded.

"Ah man, I wanted the top bunk" I pouted.

"And I wanted the bottom, I move in my sleep so just in case I take a tumble I don't want to have too far to fall." Will laughed.

"Actually, she'll be sleeping over by me." Peter sneered at Christina as he grabbed my wrist and tried to drag me away.

"She doesn't have to, I think she'd rather sleep with her friends not some boy who's claimed her." Will pulled me back, it surprised Peter so he lost his grip.

"Some boy?" he laughed, "You're gonna regret that."

"Will, you just made a big mistake." Chrissy and I said at once.

Two dauntless, one male and one female, brought clothes and two keys for us. One key for the best at the end of our bunk where clothes and shoes could be held and one key for the smaller chest that was nailed to the wall by our bunk. It was for our personal items.

Christina and I showered while Peter stood guard, fully clothed of course. I shuddered at the thought. Nasty. I've seen my brothers' thighs, way too hairy. I finished and I now smelled fresh and like cinnamon. Peter clapped a hand over his eyes and handed me a towel, I dried myself then dressed in one of the set of pajamas I was given. It was a cropped black shirt and very short black shorts, everything was black here.

"Be careful." He said as I passed, I gave him a tight hug before exiting the shower area and getting into bed. I unlocked the chest at the end of my bunk and stuffed my towel in before relocking it.

I flopped back and covered up with the rough blanket. Soon enough everyone had settled into bed. It wasn't easy but after a few hours I fell into an uneasy sleep.

I swear it felt like I only blinked but I knew it had been a few hours. I strained to see who the crying was coming from, I saw a few people but none of them could produce a cry this loud. Then my eyes settled on the initiate I believed was named Al. I jumped from my bed and landed with a soft thump, I stretched letting out a soft moan. Tris looked down at me, she had heard the crying too. She had dried tear stains on her cheeks. "I got this" I mouthed.

I crept over to him and sat beside him, a few minutes into conversation and he was no longer crying. "If it'll make you feel better I'll stay here until you fall asleep." I offered a small smile, he nodded.

"Please." I sat on his bed, he took up almost all of it. I laid my bed against the pole that traveled up to the next bed. The next thing I knew was darkness.


	4. Pew Pews

**A/N: I own nothing except new characters and make no money from writing, all rights go to the rightful owners. Outfits can be found on Polyvore.**

I wake before the others, my back aches and the side of my head hurts. I look to my side to see Al sleeping rather peacefully, I stand and stretch before using the bathroom. I peed before cleaning my face and brushing my short hair, it stuck out at odd angles. Peter woke up next, he smiled as he saw me.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked, "I didn't hear you crying." I was tougher than that, being around our parents constituted that.

"Pretty good, I'm pretty stiff though. My head hurts." It was throbbing, it was stupid of me to fall asleep that way.

"I'll have them give you something," he went on with his business once we heard the other initiates being woken up. I quickly dressed in the chosen outfit, Tris let me know which one they told us to dress in.

"You the one with the headache?" Eric walked up to me with a small pill in his hand, I nodded and he handed it to me. "I take it you know how to take one?"

"I take it you didn't bring me water" I looked at the pill, it didn't look any different from the ones we had in candor. I was relieved that I wasn't being poisoned for having a headache.

"Get to breakfast, they'll have plenty of juices down there. You'll need it, these are stronger so they leave a bitter taste in your mouth." He smirked.

"Ah, gross." I grumbled, I slipped the pill in my pocket and walked back to my bed. I slipped on my crescent moon necklace and pulled on my boots. No one would be able to tell the necklace was from candor, it was black with a silver chain, something simple. I've seen similar things around other dauntless members' necks, although this was one of a kind. Peter had bought it when he had visited a high end shop back in candor, I wasn't actually sure if he bought it or stole it but I thought it was sweet. We use to watch the moon and stars as kids, Peter had something similar.

I wasn't used to wearing all leather, it was body gripping. The cropped pants showed my freckled stomach. I felt so plain, I had my usual make-up on but other than that I didn't look like much of anything.

"You look distraught." I nearly peed myself, it was Eric.

"I don't like how plain I look, especially compared to everyone else here. I mean, I'm okay looking but uh, yeah. Stupid thinking I guess."

"Come with me" he said, his voice turned soft but stern. "I felt that but coming to dauntless gave me the chance to change myself but still look like myself. Ya know?"

"Yeah, I think." I half smiled.

Minutes later I was sitting in a metal chair with a metal needle being stuck through the top of my naval, it didn't hurt like the man said. I think his name was Bud.

"So, which jewelry little miss?" he asked as he held up a glass case of multicolored metal curved jewelry. I chose the one that looked like a bat, I read about them in my biology book. I always thought they were cute. "Nice choice." He smirked.

"She's off limits Bud" Eric growled, I was thankful for that. But I also hoped that didn't mean he liked me, I shuddered at the thought.

I walked down to the cafeteria with a skip in my step, I liked the piercing quite a lot. It was cute. I popped my pill and ate a muffin. Chrissy, Will, Al, and Tris freaked out about my naval piercing while Four continued to give me strange looks, it was like he was trying to decipher something.

Tris smiled, she seemed a little happier today. Although the skin under her doe eyes was a little puffy and pink, it made her look more innocent.

"THE FIRST THING you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight." Four presses a gun into my hand, his eyes bore into mine and my eyes narrow on instinct, he keeps the eye contact for no less than a minute before he keeps walking. His stare is calculating, almost cold. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that." I suppress a yawn, we were only allowed 5 minutes to eat breakfast then we were herded up here, I wasn't surprised by it. The dauntless were ruthless, expecting us to get right to work after having roughly 5 hours of sleep wasn't the worst thing they were going to do. I was thankful the energy shot I drank was starting to work, I wasn't used to waking up this early.

"Initiation is divided in to three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your ran k over time." I look over the gun in my hand, I've held one once. Molly and Drew had me flirt with a dauntless who had one, he let us each hold it. It wasn't heavy but wasn't light either.

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," says Four. "Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stag e is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental." "But what…" my brother yawns through his words, I have a feeling he shouldn't have done that. "What does firing a gun have to do with…bravery?" Four flips the gun in his hand, presses the barrel to his forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. My heart dropped, was I about to witness my brother's death?

I lurched forward but Chrissy grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, "He won't kill him." She whispered in a soft voice, I watched as Peter froze with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth. "Wake. Up," Four snaps. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." He lowers the gun. Peter glances at me then his eyes harden, his cheeks are red from embarrassment. He would do well here. "And to answer your question…you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." Four stops walking at the end of the row and turns on his heel. "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me." He faces the wall with the targets on it, they're squares of plywood with three red circles on the front. There is one for each of us. He stands with his feet apart, holds the gun in both hands, and fires. The bang is so loud I can feel it in my bones.

I look past Tris who was trying her hardest to see the target. The bullet went through the middle circle, splintering the wood. I turn to my own target. My mother would slap my arms with a metal ruler until my form was correct. She fix my form for hours, not letting me even hold the gun until I had it right. I bitterly smile, she was a woman that demanded perfection because she craved it herself. I set my feet shoulder-width apart, and wrapped both hands around the handle of the gun. It's not heavy so it's easy to lift away from my body. I recall the how far Four held it away from himself and try to copy him, the smacking creating a stinging memory in my mind. I squeeze the trigger, the recoil wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but I felt the jolt go through every muscle and bone in my body.

I smile, I liked firing guns. I was buzzing with this new feeling, I had gotten a similar one when Bud pierced my naval. I looked at the plywood, the bullet went through the second circle. "Nice job. Not many are that good on their first try" Four says as he walks by. I continue shooting, each bullet hitting the target and filling me with this new feeling.

I turned, Tris hasn't made hit the target yet and she's gone through three clips. "Statistically speaking," Will says, grinning at Tris, "you should have hit the target at least once by now, even by accident." His erudite is showing a little too much. I look at his target, it has several holes, not all in the red circles though.

"Is that so," she says flatly. "Yeah," he says. "I think you're actually defying nature." she grits her teeth and turns toward the target, maybe she actually hit it this time.

She looks like she's about to jump back like every other time but instead she stays planted to the ground, she hit the target too. Hm, she does better when she's taunted? "So you see, I'm right. The stats don't lie," he says. She smile a little, I watch her as she continues to shoot at the target. Sometimes she hits it but sometimes she misses, was it weird that I had yet to miss? After five more clips I fix her form, her feet were too close and her arms were too far apart and she was holding the gun too far and holding it wrong, when she shoots again she hits the center of the target and nearly explodes. She must feel it too, the raw energy and electricity pumping through your veins. Heart racing and laughs bubbling but you have to fight to keep them down.

After a few hours pass we break for lunch, I knew my arms should be throbbing but the pill Eric gave me really worked. Tris and a few others looked to be in pain. Chrissy invites Al to sit with us, he smiles at me as he sits beside Will. I move my rice around with my fork, my thoughts drift to the aptitude test. I was different and that wasn't safe, there were people who wanted me dead. Was it easy to tell if someone was divergent or not, how would someone know? Was it my freckles? Was Tris divergent, she left early too did that mean something? I needed to find Tori.

"Oh, come on. You don't remember me?" Chrissy asks Al, it broke me from my thought. "We were in Math together just a few days ago. And I am not a quiet person."

"I slept through Math most of the time," He replies. "It was first hour!"

"I remember you! I woke you up once because you fell asleep on the end of term test and drooled all over it." I laughed, his face turned beat red.

"I didn't think you were paying attention" he manages a small laugh.

"Tris" Christina turns and snaps in front of Tris' face. She jumps and almost falls off the bench.

"What is it?"

"I asked if you remember ever taking a class with me," she says. "I mean, no offense, but I probably wouldn't remember if you did. All the Abnegation looked the same to me. I mean, they still do, but now you're not one of them." Tris just stares at her with a blank expression, even I know that's rude. "Sorry, am I being rude?" she asks. "I'm used to just saying whatever is on my mind. Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."

"I think that's why our factions don't usually associate with each other," Tris says, with a short laugh, it sounds a little too forced but cute either way. Kind of like the baby ducks Peter and I would feed at the pond when we were kids. Candor and Abnegation don't hate each other the way Erudite and Abnegation do, but they avoid each other. Candor's real problem is with Amity. Those who seek peace above all else, they say, will always deceive to keep the water calm.

"Can I sit here?" asks Will, he taps the table with his finger. Where else would he be asking to sit?

"What, you don't want to hang out with your erudite buddies?" Chrissy raises a brow as she looks up at him, something flashes in her eyes the same look I've seen some girls give boys back at school.

"They aren't my buddies," says Will, setting his plate down. "Just because we were in the same faction doesn't mean we get along. Plus, Edward and Myra are dating, and I would rather not be the third wheel." I turn to look, Edward and Myra sit closest to each other but the other erudite transfers sit almost as close. How can they deal with that? I might've gone crazy if my faction transfers demanded we be that close. Myra pauses to kiss Edward, I feel uncomfortable. I feel wrong, like I always do.

I feel a bubble of pain in my chest, what's wrong with me?

Edward turns his head and presses his lips to Myra's, I feel nothing. I've asked Chrissy to explain the feeling of a kiss and the feeling of seeing someone else kiss during a game. I didn't feel like that.

I look to my side when I hear Tris' sharp intake of breath. Part of me waits for them to be scolded. "Do they have to be so public?" she says, she sounds more confused than anything.

"She just kissed him." Al frowns at her. When he frowns, his thick furry eyebrows touch his eyelashes. "It's not like they're stripping naked." That would make it so much worse, I make a sour face and he laughs.

"A kiss is not something you do in public." They all smile at her, even I do. Not a normal smile, a knowing smile, almost taunting.

"What?" she says.

"Your Abnegation is showing," Christy says. "The rest of us are all right with a little affection in public."

"Oh." She shrugs. "Well…I guess I'll have to get over it, then."

"Or you can stay frigid," Will grins, his green eyes glinting with mischief. "You know. If you want." Chrissy hides her smile and throws a roll at him, he catches it and bites a piece off.

"Don't be mean to her," she says. "Frigidity is in her nature. Sort of like being a know-it-all is in yours."

"I am not frigid!" she exclaims, her voice is high and her face is bright pink. I can't help but laugh.

"Don't worry about it," says Will. "It's endearing. Look, you're red." Her eyes widen and the bright pink flushes darker. Soon everyone's laughing, even Tris. It feels so good to laugh after the built up tension of the past few days. We laugh until there's no sound and we're gasping for breath.

Once lunch finishes Four gathers us and leads us into a new room. It's huge, with a wood floor that is cracked and creaky and has a large circle painted in the middle. On the left wall is a chalkboard. I smile, my lower level teachers used those. Most of my good memories were from when I was younger.

I puffed my cheeks as I saw our names going down it in alphabetical order, our ranks would be placed there I'm guessing. Hanging at three-foot intervals along one end of the room are faded black punching bags, they looked heavy. Four has us line up behind them and then stands in the front of them so we can all see him, Peter has been keeping his distance but also making sure he can always see me. He smiles at me encouragingly and mouths something I don't understand.

"As I said this morning," says Four, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges —which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless." It's hard to think this part wouldn't be the hardest, I straightened myself. "We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other," says Four. "So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt." Four names a few different punches, demonstrating each one as he does, first against the air and then against the punching bag. I watch his movements and match his, thinking of the punishments I would get if my form wasn't good enough to my mother. Even though she wasn't here she had burned herself into my brain, into my memory and not in a good way.

I find it all quite easy after a few minutes, my skin stung as it made contact with the bag. I was glad that I made the bag swing, I worked with the bag, moving fast, hitting and kicking when I could. It was hard to move in leather pants but I'm guessing we would learn how to make it work.

I feel like I'm floating but buzzing, I've never felt better. Four walks around, inspecting us and instructing us. He stops in front of me, he still has a calculating look but it's faded now. "Good form, a fair amount of muscle, keep this up and it'll build." He moved to Tris, his eyes softened.

"You don't have much muscle," he says, "which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them." Suddenly he presses a hand to her stomach. His fingers are so long that, though the heel of his hand touches one side of her rib cage, his fingertips still touch the other side. She stares at him wide eyed, I've seen that look before. I don't know why but suddenly I feel nauseas, my heart drops down into my churning stomach.

"Never forget to keep tension here," he says in a quiet voice. Four lifts his hand and keeps walking. Although she tries to suppress it she smiles, her cheeks highlighted with light pink.

Finally Four dismisses us for dinner, I shrug on my jacket and Chrissy loops her arm with mine. She nudges Tris with her elbow. "I'm surprised he didn't break you in half," she says as she wrinkles her nose. "He scares the hell out of me. It's that quiet voice he uses."

"Yeah. He's…" she looks over my shoulder at him, I didn't. I saw the way her eyes lit up and the dusting of pink that appeared on her cheeks when she did, I felt sick again. "…definitely intimidating," she finally says, she doesn't mean it though.

Al, who was in front of us, turns around once we reach the Pit and announces in a goofy voice, "I want to get a tattoo."

From behind us Will asks, "A tattoo of what?"

"I don't know." Al laughs. "I just want to feel like I've actually left the old faction. Stop crying about it." No one responds but I step forward and lay my head on his shoulder, "I know you've heard me."

"Yeah, learn to quiet down, will you?" Christina pokes Al's thick arm. "I think you're right. We're half in, half out right now. If we want all the way in, we should look the part." She gives Tris a look, we all know she won't do anything.

"No. I will not cut my hair," she says, "or dye it a strange color. Or pierce my face."

"How about your bellybutton?" Chrissy says.

"Or your nipples?" Will says with a snort. I blush as Tris groans. Would that hurt? Or feel good? Or both? Hm.

Training is done for the day meaning initiates can do whatever they want to do, every dauntless was given a certain amount of points each month, the points carried over each month if they were unused.

We stick to each other as we make our way through the crowd, the Pit was swarming with people whose clothes were the only dark things about them. I liked that.

Chrissy's eyes widen once she spots a clothing store, she announces that we girls will meet All and Will at the tattoo parlor and drags us toward the clothing place, its name is 'Dark as Dauntless'

We walk up the path, stumbling at times and scattering loose stones with our shoes. "What is wrong with my clothes?" Tris grumbles. "I'm not wearing gray anymore."

"They're ugly and gigantic." Tris sighs in response, when Chrissy decided to help you there was no changing her mind. "Will you just let me help you? If you don't like what I put you in, you never have to wear it again, I promise." Ten minutes later Tris stand in front of a mirror in the clothing place wearing a knee length black dress. The skirt isn't full, but it isn't stuck to her thighs either—unlike the first few Chrissy and I picked out.

Chrissy slips the tie from Tris' hair and she shakes it out of its braid so it hangs wavy over her shoulders, it smells of lavender. Then she holds up a black pencil. "Eyeliner," she says then she holds up a black tube, "Mascara"

"You aren't going to be able to make me pretty, you know." She looks up as Chrissy runs the eyeliner on her top and bottom water liner then brush over her lashes.

"Tris, you're gorgeous. Shut up" I huff, she looks surprised.

"Who care s about pretty? I'm going for noticeable." Chrissy comments.

Tris turns slowly and looks in the mirror as Chrissy hands her a bare of heeled boots. She slips them on, my heart rate speeds up. "You truly look so beautiful Tris. To me anyway."

"No one has ever told me that." She looked lost in thought. I grabbed my dress and shoes we checked out with the clerk, she smiled and wished us luck with training. We would need it.

I watched as Al got his tattoo done, I had just got mine done on my thigh. The boys got awkward, I had to strip off my pants while Bud tattooed me. It didn't bother me, it stung but other than that there wasn't much pain. "A tattoo and a piercing in one day?" Bud smiled, "Really fitting in with the dauntless crowd"

"I know, surprising" I joked, Tris was off talking to Tori. She looked over at us with an uneasy expression, was she divergent? I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and busied myself looking at other tattoos, slowly getting closer to them. But they went behind a curtain, silence followed them. She got a tattoo. It surprised me but it was something small, something delicate like the way she looked.

 **Thanks for reading, review maybe?**


	5. Fighting

**A/N: Hey peoples, I own nothing except new characters and events. I make no money from writing and all rights go to the rightful owners.**

"There was an even number of you but one of you dropped out earlier, this means one of you won't be fighting today." Four steps away from the chalk board, our names are lined up with someone else's. I notice that Four looks over Tris, his eyes holding hers.

I look for my name but I catch Tris's first, the slot next to her name is blank. A reprieve. Then I find Christina's name, she's fighting Molly. Oh fuck. "Oh no, this isn't good" Chrissy says with a hint of fear. "Look. I'm up against the Tank." This wasn't going to end well, she was going to get hurt. I was about to witness my best friend get beat up by my brothers lackey.

"The Tank?" Tris asks confused.

"Yeah, Peter's slightly more feminine-looking minion," She sneers and motions over to my brother, Peter, and Drew. Molly is tall like Christina, but that's where the similarities end. She has broad shoulders, bronze skin, and a bulbous nose marked with tiny black dots. "Those three" Christina starts, she points to each of them with an accusing fingering, "have been inseparable since they crawled out of the womb, practically. I hate them." My heart drops, I know she hates them. She's told me. She's told them. She's told my mother for god's sake. I look away from them and towards the arena, Will and Al stand inside it. They're across from each other, their fists up guarding their faces. They shuffle around each other, neither of them making a move to go at each other yet.

Al is half a foot taller than Will and twice as broad. Even his facial features are big; big nose, big lips, and big dark brown eyes. Unless Will was a master at fighting I didn't see him winning. "What's wrong with them?" Tris says, I turn to see her motioning to my brother and his lackeys.

"Peter is pure evil. When we were kids he would pick fights with people from other factions and then, when an adult came to break it up, he'd cry and make up some story about how the other kid started it. And of course, they believed him, because we were Candor and we couldn't lie. Ha-ha." Christina wrinkles her nose and adds, "Drew is just his sidekick. I doubt he has an independent thought in his brain. And Molly…she's the kind of person who fries ants with a magnifying glass just to watch them flail around."

Al slugs Will, I watch as he stumbles and shakes his head with wide eyes. Al was powerful but slow. Across the room, Eric smirks at Al, and turns one of the rings in his eyebrow. Will stumbles again with one hand pressed to his face and blocks Al's next punch with his free hand. Judging by his grimace, blocking the punch is as painful as his blow would have been. At least he didn't get hit in the face again, if he had he might not have been able to continue fighting.

Peter, Drew, and Molly look at Chrissy and Tris, judging them. They probably know they're being talked about, years of dealing with it has made them experts. "I think they know we're talking about them," Tris says with pursed lips.

"So? They already know I hate them." I roll my eyes, it's true.

"They do? How?" Christina paints on her fake smile and waves at them, they scowl at her. Will hooks a foot around one of Al's legs and yanks back, knocking Al to the ground. It takes Al too long to scramble to his feet, he wasn't going to make it if he let himself be that vulnerable.

"Because I've told them," she says, through the gritted teeth of her smile, I don't know why she never got her crooked bottom teeth fixed. I didn't mind it, it gave her character, made her imperfect. "We try to be pretty honest about our feelings in Candor. Plenty of people have told me that they don't like me. And plenty of people haven't. Who cares?"

"We just…weren't supposed to hurt people," Tris says sheepishly, I smirk and almost laugh.

"I like to think I'm helping them by hating them," Chrissy retorts with a shrug. "I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind." Tris laughs but I've stayed quite for too long.

"Okay, ya know what? Peter isn't pure evil, he only shows that side. He doesn't show weakness, why would he? You don't know what happened behind closed doors, don't try to categorize him as a villain. Molly and Drew sure, they're horrible their parents aren't great but they knew they loved them. Leave Peter alone, he isn't that bad. He doesn't think he's god's gift to humankind, he doesn't actually have that high of self-esteem you shit bags." I snarl.

Chrissy looks stunned but mumbled out an apology, her cheeks a burning ember but Tris looked more confused than apologetic. "Why are you defensive of him?" she questioned.

"Because he's my brother, why else? I mean, we both came from candor and have the same last name there are only so many coincidences in this world Tris." I walked to him, he welcomed me with a hug.

"You okay? Your face only gets that red when you're mad." He says, Drew looks me over making me uncomfortable.

"Just tired, ready to fight." I grumble, he smiles.

"I know there's more to it but if I push you'll hurt me so I'll stop." He knew me better than anyone, better than Chrissy. Could I tell him I'm divergent? I shook the thought from my head and focused on the arena.

Will and Al circle each other, less tense and more hesitant to go at him. Will flicks his sweaty hair from his face as they glance at Four as if they're waiting for him to call the fight off but he stands with his arms folded, expressionless. Eric stands a few feet to Fours right, he watches as they circle each other for several minutes. I yawn and lay my head on Peters arm, Eric checks his watch and yells "Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for nap-time? Fight each other!"

"But…" Al drops his hands to his sides and stands straights, Will does too, "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"

"It ends when one of you is unable to continue," Eric narrows his eyes.

"According to Dauntless rules," Four says, "one of you could also concede."

Eric turns and glares at Four, a bitter smirk tugging at his lips. He sucks his teeth and shakes his head, "According to the old rules," he says. "In the new rules, no one concedes."

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," Four replies.

"A brave man never surrenders." Four and Eric glare at each other for minutes.

I see now that there is two very different sides of dauntless, sides that could work together. There is the honorable kind and the ruthless kind. Eric is ruthless. Four is honorable. Or was he?

Al huffs as he wipes the sweat that dots his paling face "This is ridiculous," he says shaking his head. "What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"

"Oh, you think it's going to be that easy?" Will asks, grinning. "Go on. Try to hit me, slowpoke." Will puts his hands up again, he smirks and there's a glint of determination that wasn't there before. He's the type of dauntless that loves a challenge, were there any dauntless that didn't?

Will has to be fast, he has to be good and land hits that do a lot of damage to Al or he wouldn't be walking out of that arena. Al swings but Will is too fast, he dodges and ducks under his arm. Al spins and swings again, he didn't have good tactic. He swung crazily, without purpose.

Al lurches forward, stumbles over himself almost. "Hey, remember those grizzly bears from our biology books?" Drew snorted. I glared at him, Al may fight like one but out of the ring he was just a giant teddy bear. Al charges at Will, grabbing his arm so he can't dodge him. Al slugs him hard in the jaw, his pale green eyes become lifeless and roll back into his head. Al gasps as he lets go of him, he's dead weight now and crumples to the floor like a ragdoll. His body makes a thump when it hits the arena floor, his limbs are at odd angles. His chest moves up and down unsteadily, he's still alive. Al's eyes widen and his mouth turns down into a shocked frown. He crouches down next to our unconscious friend, tapping his cheek with one hand as if he's unsure if he's actually unconscious or if he's just playing a game. Knowing Al he hopes that it is a game. The room falls silent as we wait for Will to respond, Drew smiles and I see his hand move to his pants. It has a bulge. I move as far into Peter as I can, maybe he thinks I'm scared of what happened to Will but really I'm scared of his friend. Peter has his arm around me, we wait for Will to respond but after a few minutes it doesn't seem like he ever will. One arm is bent beneath him and his legs are at weird but possible angles, they aren't broken.

Al looks like he's about to puke, he stands with shaky legs and is about to walk away when Will blinks and tries to talk. "Get him up," Eric growls, he stares with greedy eyes a t Will's fallen body, like the sight is a meal and he hasn't eaten in weeks. The curl of his lip is animalistic, a sight I just saw on Drew.

"Next up—Alessa and Drew!" shouts Eric. Al pulls Will's arm across his shoulders and drags him out of the arena.

"Ready to go down?" I snarl, he looks me over with hungry eyes. It shakes me to my core, I watch as he walks to the arena. I look to Peter who looks ready to fight him for me, "Hey, I can take him. Remember back in candor? Don't try to make him lose or not hurt me or something." He huffs.

"Fine, kick his ass."

"As if I'd do anything else."

 **Tris' p.o.v**

Across the room, Four supports Will from the waist and leads him out. Al stands for a moment by the door, watching them go. Four leaving makes me nervous. Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives.

Alessa was only inches taller than me and just as pale, she reminded me of a doll I had when I was younger. One of the only toys I had, abnegation taught selflessness from the time you could see and never ended. Material possessions were self-indulgent. Her face, her arms, and her stomach are sprayed with light brown freckles. From far away you could barely tell they were there but once you got closer they stood out against her skin. She had short dark hair with deep waves that was almost to her shoulders, it shined and gleamed like her brothers. She had dark green eyes with paler green flecks, her features were angelic. She was pretty. I was not.

I feel bad for upsetting Alessa, I didn't know Peter was her brother. If she was so defensive that must mean he wasn't so horrible, I saw the way he smiled at her and how he looked more comfortable, more natural around her. If someone had insulted Caleb the way Christina insulted Peter I don't think I would have handled it as well as she did but then again maybe she had to deal with it more often, did that make it worse?

She stands tall as she walks up the small stairs to the arena, she ducks her head and steps in. Drew looks at her with the same eyes Eric looked at Will's fallen body, I feel sorry for her. Being around both Drew and Molly often must be horrible, a 24/7 punishment.

She bounced on the balls of her feet, a fire erupted in her eyes. I wanted that fire, did I have that fire? Was it because she hated him? Her form was perfect, "Begin!" Eric yelled, Christina grabbed my hand. She looked concerned, I should be too but I'm not, I feel sure of her. She can take him, if she grew up with him then surely she knew his weaknesses.

He lurched forward and she swung her arm hitting him in the throat, she seemed to hang onto him before throwing him to the ground. My eyes widened, did she know how to fight? He grabbed her and pulled her with him, she took advantage of it. She rammed her knee into his groin, a very shrill scream erupted from his oddly formed lips. She grinned and punched him, landing it along his jawline. He went out but she punched him again, a loud crunching noise echoed through the room. Blood spurted from his noise and landed on her chest and stomach.

She stood and walked out of the arena to her brother who was waiting with a proud smile, he said something to her but I couldn't tell what it was.

"Very good! Take him away." Eric yelled, he had the same look in his eyes. It was safe to say he was the instructor that scared me. "Next up—Christina and Molly!"

Christina tucks her hair behind her ears. It is chin-length, black, and pinned back with silver clips. She cracks another knuckle. She looks nervous, and no wonder—who wouldn't be nervous after watching Will collapse like a rag doll and blood spurt from Drew to paint our friend. If conflict in Dauntless ends with only one person standing, I am unsure of what this part of initiation will do to me. Will I be Al, standing over a man's body, knowing I'm the one who put him on the ground, or will I be Will, lying in a helpless heap?

And is it selfish of me to crave victory, or is it brave? I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. I snap to attention when Christina kicks Molly in the side. Molly gasps and grits her teeth like she's about to growl through them. A lock of stringy black hair falls across her face, but she doesn't brush it away. All stands next to me, but I'm too focused on the new fight to look at him, or congratulate him on winning, assuming that's what he wants. I am not sure. Molly smirks at Christina, and without warning, dives, hands outstretched, at Christina's midsection. She hits her hard, knocking her down, and pins her to the ground. Christina thrashes, but Molly is heavy and doesn't budge. She punches, and Christina moves her head out of the way, but Molly just punches again, and again, until her fist hits Christina's jaw, her nose, her mouth.

Without thinking, I grab Al's arm and squeeze it as tightly as I can. I just need something to hold on to. Blood runs down the side of Christina's face and splatters on the ground next to her cheek. This is the first time I have ever prayed for someone to fall unconscious. But she doesn't. Christina screams and drags one of her arms free. She punches Molly in the ear, knocking her off-balance, and wriggles free. She comes to her knees, holding her face with one hand. The blood streaming from her nose is thick and dark and covers her fingers in seconds. She screams again and crawls away from Molly. I can tell by the heaving of her shoulders that she's sobbing, but I can barely hear her over the throbbing in my ears.

Please go unconscious.

Molly kicks Christina's side, sending her sprawling on her back. All frees his hand and pulls me tight to his side. I clench my teeth to keep from crying out. I ha d no sympathy for All the first night, but I am not cruel yet; the sight of Christina clutching her rib cage makes me want to stand between her and Molly. "Stop!" wails Christina as Molly pulls her foot back to kick again. She holds out a hand. "Stop! I'm…" She coughs. "I'm done." Molly smiles, and I sigh with relief. Al sighs too, his rib cage lifting and falling against my shoulder. Eric walks toward the center of the arena, his movements slow, and stands over Christina with his arms folded.

Alessa watches with wide eyes, part of me wishes she would come over here. Part of me is scared of her.

He says quietly, "I'm sorry, what did you say? You're done?" Christina pushes herself to her knees. When she takes her hand from the ground, it leaves a red handprint behind. She pinches her nose to stop the bleeding and nods.

"Get up," he says. If he had yelled, I might not have felt like everything inside my stomach was about to come out of it. If he had yelled, I would have known that the yelling was the worst he planned to do. But his voice is quiet and his words precise. He grabs Christina's arm, yanks her to her feet, and drags her out the door. "Follow me," he says to the rest of us. And we do.

I feel the roar of the river in my chest. We stand near the railing. The Pit is almost empty; it is the middle of the afternoon, though it feels like it's been night for days. If there were people around, I doubt any of them would help Christina. We are with Eric, for one thing, and for another, the Dauntless have different rules—rules that brutality does not violate. Eric shoves Christina against the railing. "Climb over it," he says.

"What?" She says it like she expects him to relent, but her wide eyes and ashen face suggest otherwise. Eric will not back down.

"Climb over the railing," says Eric again, pronouncing each word slowly. "If you can hang over the chasm for five minutes, I will forget your cowardice. If you can't, I will not allow you to continue initiation." The railing is narrow and made of metal. I glance over as Peter grabs Alessa, keeping her in place as she fights against his hold with the same fire in her eyes.

The spray from the river coats it, making it slippery and cold. Even if Christina is brave enough to hang from the railing for five minutes, she may not be able to hold on. Either she decides to be factionless, or she risks death. When I close my eyes, I imagine her falling onto the jagged rocks below and shudder. "Fine," she says, her voice shaking. She is tall enough to swing her leg over the railing. Her foot shakes. She puts her toe on the ledge as she lifts her other leg over. Facing us, she wipes her hands on her pants and holds on to the railing so hard her knuckles turn white. Then she takes one foot off the ledge. And the other. I see her face between the bars of the barrier, determined, her lips pressed together. Next to me, Al sets his watch. For the first minute and a half, Christina is fine. Her hands stay firm around the railing and her arms don't shake. I st art to think she might make it and show Eric how foolish he was to doubt her. Bu t then the river hits the wall, and white water sprays against Christina's back.

Her face strikes the barrier, and she cries out. Her hands slip so she's just holding on by her fingertips. She tries to get a better grip, but now her hands are wet.

If I help her, Eric would make my fate the same as hers. Will I let her fall to her death, or will I resign myself to being factionless? What's worse: to be idle while someone dies, or to be exiled and empty-handed? My parents would have no problem answering that question. But I am not my parents. As far as I know, Christina hasn't cried since we got here, but now her face crumples and she lets out a sob that is louder than the river. Another wave hits the wall and the spray coats her body. One of the droplets hits my cheek. Her hands slip again, and this time, one of them falls from the railing, so she's hanging by four fingertips. "Come on, Christina," says Al, his low voice surprisingly loud. She looks at him. He claps. "Come on, grab it again. You can do it. Grab it." Would I even be strong enough to hold on to her? Would it be worth my effort to try to help her if I know I'm too weak to do any good? I know what those questions are: excuses. Human reason can excuse any evil; that is why it's so important that we don't rely on it. My father's words. Christina swings her arm, fumbling for the railing. No one else cheers her on, but Al brings his big hands together and shouts, his eyes holding hers. I wish I could; I wish I could move, but I just stare at her and wonder how long I have been this disgustingly selfish. I stare at Al's watch.

Four minutes have passed. He elbows me hard in the shoulder. "Come on," I say. My voice is a whisper. I clear my throat. "One minute left," I say, louder this time. Christina's other hand finds the railing again. Her arms shake so hard I wonder if the earth is quaking beneath me, jiggling my vision, and I just didn't notice. "Come on, Christina," Al and I say, and as our voices join, I believe I might be strong enough to help her. I will help her. If she slips again, I will. Another wave of water splashes again st Christina's back, and she shrieks as both her hands slip off the railing.

 **Alessa's p.o.v**

I push from my brothers' arms as Tris screams, I go to her side. She's shaking, I show her that Chrissy doesn't fall. She has hold of the barrier but slips down until we see nothing but her fingers, Tris squeezes my arm. Does she realize she's digging her nails into me?

"Five minutes are up," Al says, venom coating his words as he spits them at Eric. I snarl, he looks at us with interest. Maybe he's wondering what to make of us, two victors, someone who backed out, and a Stiff who got a reprieve. Eric looks down at his own watch.

He takes his time, inspecting the glass attached to the leather. I want to scream, I want to through him over the railing. But nothing comes out, instead I see the girls' sister, I didn't even stay to find out her name. I saw her sister lying dead, her body plastered on the ground, the flashing imagine was no longer the blonde girl it was Chrissy.

"Fine," Eric says. "You can come up, Christina."

Al and I rush forward but Tris stays plastered "No," Eric says. "She has to do it on her own."

"No, she doesn't," Al growls. "She did what you said. She's not a coward. She did what you said." Eric lets us pass without a response, Al reaches over the railing, and he's so tall that he can reach Christina's wrist. She grabs his forearm. Al pulls her up, his face red with frustration, and I reach down to help. I'm not tall enough to do much good, Tris rushes forward but can't do much either. Once she's high enough we reach down and grip her under the shoulders then pull her up, it's easier now.

She drops to the ground and I fall with her, cradling her. Her face is blood smeared but now runs down her face and soaking hair and clothes. Tris kneels next to us, her eyes lift to her, then shift to Al's. Her head slumps against my shoulder as we all exhale the breath we didn't know we were holding in.


	6. Why?

**A/N: Hello lovely people. Just so you guys know I have not abandoned this story, my computer wasn't working so I took it in and they had taken a while to fix it. But I'm back so I'll post a few chapters then get to working on more! I already have 15 chapters written so don't worry about me quitting.**

I wake to find my brother and Tris fighting, not physically but verbally. Verbally enough for a Stiff anyhow. I watch as Al helps her scrub the word 'Stiff' off her bed frame, it was scrawled in red font in many different places. It was my brothers writing. "God dammit" I whisper harshly, I move to where they can't see me. How could he do this after I defended him? Is he worse than even I know, is being in dauntless making him worse? I jump off my bed and change, I showered last night since I ended up painted with Drew's nose blood.

"I'm sorry Tris." I lean against the wall, she doesn't look up from her bed. "I don't understand why he'd do this, please don't take your anger for my brother out on me. I have some extra bedding you can have, I expected to make some mess before initiation was over so I took another set."

I used my key to unlock the chest with clothes, I grabbed the sheets and blankets then helped her make her bed. "Thank you" she smiled as I relocked my chest, Peter stood by his bed watching us. Should I talk to him now or later?

I walked out with Tris and Al, we made our way to the training room. They struck up conversation but I was lost in thought.

My brother didn't know Tris, he tripped her in the hall once but other than that I was sure he didn't know her. Was it my fault? It probably was, I told them he doesn't show weakness. Maybe he was trying to convince them he didn't have any, maybe he was trying to scare the weakest one. What if I just punched my brother? Could I take him in a fight?

We walk into the room and immediately my eyes find the board, I find Christina and Tris first. "Fuck" I groan, Tris was fighting my brother. Another thing to drive the wedge between us further. Tris sees it too, her eyes find the boy he beat yesterday, and I think his name is James. He beat him in less than five minutes, almost beating my time with Drew. James is more black and blue than fleshy toned while I kept the damage to Drew's now black and blue face.

My brother was much taller than Tris, much stronger, more ruthless, and much more experienced. I wished I could change it, I wished I could fight him instead.

"Maybe you can just take a few hits and pretend to go unconscious," Al looks down at Tris, "No one would blame you."

"Yeah," she says, barely listening. I can't imagine the buzz going on in her head right now. "Maybe." She stares at the board with a black expression yet her cheeks are that same odd pink.

Tris wipes her hands on her pants every few minutes, she was scared and nervous. If she knew more, if she had more muscle than I have no doubts she could outsmart my brother and beat him. Fighting isn't all brute strength, if you were dumb then you were going down. Like Drew. Strong but incredibly dumb.

We watch as Edward beats Molly to a pulp, he's much too fast for her and way too experienced. How did he learn all these techniques? These were moves that were way too advanced for young dauntless, I doubt the dauntless born initiates know these moves. Maybe I'll ask him or Will, Edward transferred from erudite with Will which means there's a chance they know each other or know of each other.

Minutes pass and Molly is barely able to peel her bloodied self from the ground, she stumbles from the arena and out of the room so she can have wounds cleaned. Tris is shaking as she walks to the arena, she nearly trips over herself as she enters it.

"Oh Tris" I mutter, Chrissy takes my hand and squeezes it. She was just as worried as I was. It didn't last long, Tris didn't get in many hits either. She was on the floor in minutes but that didn't stop Peter, he kept going. What did he have to prove? Why did he hate her?

"Enough!" I screamed as I ran and tackled my brother to the floor, repeatedly punching him until I was pulled off by Al and Will. "You fucking asshole! She's unconscious! You weak spineless bastard!" hot tears streamed down my face, why was he doing this? Was he trying to kill her? I defended him to the girl he was now beating within an inch of her life.

He looked at me with wide eyes, his lip was split open and blood streamed from his nose, he had managed to block some of my hits. He was speechless, he was taken away by Eric while Tris was taken to the medic. Christina squeezed me, "Is it just me or is he unusually hostile?" she asked, I sighed and shook my head.

"It's definitely not just you, I don't know why but ever since coming here he's gotten worse. I'm scared Chris." Al gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"Maybe it's because of puberty." He suggested.

"Al. No. Dear god no. That is not why." I managed a smile, I was thankful to have such good friends even when my brother was turning into a psychotic asshole.

 **Hey peoples, sorry for the shorter chapter but most chapters so far have been pretty long so I think I've made up for it. How's the story going so far? Review maybe?**


	7. Are we monsters?

**A/N: I own nothing except new characters and events and make no money from writing, all rights go to the rightful owners.**

Al, Will, Chris, and I talked for nearly two hours before Tris looked like she was going to be waking up. We turned to her, looking down on her. "Is her eye already black?" Will, jokingly, asks. Al shoves him but not hard enough to knock him over, he's learned his own strength. Tris struggles to open her eyes, one stays swollen shut, and it was indeed bruised already. She groans and tries to sit up but Al gently pushes her back down.

"What happened to your face?" she slurs, her lip is swollen and split open. Until the swelling went away she'd sound a bit weird. Chris laughs in response, she has a bruise and is pressing an ice pack to her jaw.

"Look who's talking. Should we get you an eye patch?"

"Well, I already know what happened to my face," she grumbles "I was there. Sort of."

"Did you just make a joke, Tris?" Will was stunned, dauntless was washing away her abnegation. He grins "We should get you on painkillers more often if you're going to start cracking jokes. Oh, and to answer your question—I beat her up."

"I can't believe you couldn't beat Will," Al says, shaking his head.

"What? He's good," she says, shrugging. "Plus, I think I've finally learned how to stop losing. I just need to stop people from punching me in the jaw."

"You know, you'd think you would have figured that out already." Will winks at her. "Now I know why you aren't Erudite. Not too bright, are you?"

"You feeling okay, Tris?" Al asks. He looks at her like she's about to break at any second, or maybe like he is. I can't tell which.

"Yeah," she tries for a comforting smile but instead it looks like she's in more pain. "Just wish I could stay here forever so I never have to see Peter again." I look away from them, Chris stands up and stands by my side. "I'm sorry Alessa"

"No, it's fine. He's…changed, already." Chris squeezed my arm, I didn't want to be here. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I should have chosen opposite my brother, maybe I should have gone to Amity.

"Don't worry about Peter," Will looks from Tris to me. "He'll at least get beat up by Edward, who has been studying hand-to-hand combat since we were ten years old. For fun." Oh, that's how he knows everything.

"Good," Chris and I say at once, I wasn't happy about it but he was getting what he deserved. Chris gave my shoulder a squeeze as she checked her watch, "I think we're missing dinner. Do you want us to stay here Tris?" Chris loved food, it meant she truly cared about you if she was about to give up food for you. Tris shakes her head, her swollen lips pursed.

"I'm fine."

Will and Chris walk out but Al stays glued to the spot, "You coming? I asked, he nodded.

"Yeah" he looked to Tris, "Go ahead, I'll catch up" I looked to Tris who at first looked confused then gave me a slight nod. I walked out and jumped on Chris' back.

"I think I want to follow in Al's footsteps, I want a tattoo" Will said, Chris rolled her eyes.

"What do you wanna get?" I asked him, he looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I think I want to get a crow on my back, they are the smartest known animal. Crows possess unusually big brains, which are proportionate to the chimpanzee brain. Plus I think they're quite beautiful."

"Do you now?" Chris raised her brow, he shook his head and smiled. Once we got the cafeteria I hopped off Chris' back then we made our way to get our food. In candor we ate a lot of red meat but now that I'm here I've grown fond of grilled chicken with rice and snap peas. Chris seemed to like everything.

After dinner Will gets his tattoo and goes on a rant about different kinds of birds, I nearly fall asleep while walking to the dorms. Chris makes fun of him, this was going to become common wasn't it? I smiled to myself as Chris threatened to hang him over the edge like Eric did to her.

"I think I could manage, I have good proportions and more upper body strength than you." He grinned, I covered my mouth as she kneed him the groin.

"You're so going down next time we fight." She smirked. As we walked I caught sight of the girl from the first day, she was with a small group of dauntless born who were goofing off close to the pit. "Who're looking at?" Chris tried looking where I was but quickly I snapped my head away as heat rushed to my cheeks.

"Just at the Pit." I shrug, she narrows her eyes as she looks me over.

"You're lucky that you were a candor, I can't tell if you're lying." She huffed, we kept walking but I didn't dare look back again in case Chris was watching.

Everyone was showered and in bed by 10, some were even asleep. Those who weren't saw Tris creep in sometime near 11, one of them being my brother. He scowled and turned on his side, what was his problem with her? Her eyes flickered from his bunk to mine, they widened when her eyes met mine.

'I'm sorry' I mouth, she offered a small smile before pulling her blankets up and closing her eyes.

Was my brother scared of her, intimidated? He had no reason to be, he was strong but if he let someone who wasn't doing anything under his skin then he would crumble.

The next morning I nearly jump out of bed when the alarm goes off, Chris laughs as I groan. I hop out of bed and dress for the day, the usual make-up and everything. It was easy to sneak those little things in.

Even when Chris and I were done dressing Tris was still asleep, how did she sleep through the alarm and the chaos of the morning routine of eight people? Chris crouched and shook her awake, "Come on" she says when Tris' eyes flutter open, "Up and at 'em"

She looks panicked and her cheeks were stained with tears, she looks to me with fear flashing then to my brother who's across the room making his bed. He was taking his time, maybe hoping he would get her alone. I couldn't let that happen. Peter glances over and matches my gaze, he furrows his brow and walks out.

"I'll run and get us some breakfast. You just…get ready. Looks like it might take you a while," Chris takes her hand and helps her up.

"I'm gonna stay with her." I say as I move to Tris who's wincing as she tries to get clothes. Chris smiles as she runs out, the dormitory was now empty other than the two of us.

"Last night you said you were sorry" she starts as I pick out her clothes then help wash her face and braid her hair. "You shouldn't be. It's not your fault, you can't control what your brother does." She stares at herself in the long mirror, her lips pursed and her expression confused.

"I wish I could, I've never seen him like that before. It was crazy."

"Maybe he is" Chris says as she walks in, she hands us each a muffin then bends to tie Tris' shoes. She has a muffin stuffed in her mouth, I guess she couldn't wait to eat it. They did smell good. Tris' muffin was banana and walnuts, something I saw the factionless have often but in bread form. I had a blueberry one, I had no ideas what Chris' was because it was already in her mouth.

We ran through the dauntless compound, then climb the steps from the Pit to the glass building above it and run to the exit. We make it to the tracks just as the train arrives, its horn blaring. "What took you so long?" Will shouts over the horn.

"Stumpy legs over here turned into an old lady overnight," Chris grins as she motions to Tris.

"Oh, shut up." She smiles but punches Chris.

"And she." She motions to me with a laugh, "Was making love to a blueberry muffin" Tris' eyes widened and her cheeks flushed crimson.

"Best lover I've ever had" I retorted.

"The only lover." Chris corrected, Tris looked shocked.

"What?" I question, why would she be shocked by that? Did I seem like that kind of person?

"Oh, nothing. You're just…one of those girls." She struggled to find words, "The ones that look like they could have anyone they want."

"Oh." I felt heat rush to my cheeks, Chris smiles at each of us.

Our instructor, Four, stands tense at the front of the pack of initiates. It looked as though when the train would pass it would take his face along with it but I knew he wasn't stupid enough to stand that close. I imagined it happening and cringed. Everyone was running again, tossing themselves into the train cars. Will was first, he had little difficulty swinging himself in. Then Chris, who landed on her back with a thud and groan, Will pulled her up only to laugh at her. Next I swung myself in, landing on my butt. Surely it would be bruised, Chris stifled laughter as she pulled me into standing position.

"My butt is going to have major bruising." I groaned, rubbing my bottom. Some of the initiates had snappy remarks which made mine and Chris' cheeks blaze. Al looked out and when he turned toward us he had Tris by the pits, she looked to be masking anger.

"Feeling okay there?" We look to see my brother behind Al, giving a look of mock sympathy to Tris—his lips turned down, his arched eyebrows pulled in. "Or are you a little…Stiff?" I sighed, he needed a doctor.

Peter laughs, it's not as deep as his voice but loud, his lackeys join in. Molly has an ugly laugh, all snorting and shaking shoulders, and Drew's is silent, so it almost looks like he's in pain.

"We are all awed by your incredible wit," Will glares at Peter.

"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite, Peter?" Christina adds. "I hear they don't object to sissies."

"Why don't you just walk away Peter, you're only making a fool of yourself." It hurt to say it, anger flashed in his eyes.

Four doesn't turn to us, he continues standing by the open door peering out. He speaks before Peter, Molly, or Drew can retort. "Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?" Everyone is silent.

I look to Tris, about to apologize yet again for him but then I see her staring at Four with flushed cheeks. Her eyes are softer than I've seen them since meeting her, they were guarded then too. But when she looks at him you can see it all fall away. What was that like, to love someone? My chest burned and my mouth was unusually dry, I leaned against the wall and watched everyone mill around. I look out one of the open doors to see what we're passing—a sea of crumbling, abandoned buildings that get smaller as we go. It was oddly beautiful, what would it be like to explore them?

Tris still stares at Four but tears herself away to ask Chris and me, "What do you think is out there?" She nods out the doorway "I mean, beyond the fence."

"I think…other people. Maybe bad people. Past the farms. And a whole world like ours, like the way the abandoned parts of the city look maybe worse."

"Is that why they guard the fence?" Tris asks like she believed what I thought.

"Or" Chris begins, "They're protecting us from monsters." She wriggles her fingers in our faces. I shake my head as a smile spreads across my face.

"We didn't even have guards near the fence until five years ago," Will says with a raised brow. "Don't you remember when dauntless police used to patrol the factionless sector?"

Tris looked sheepish, "Yes."

"Oh, right," he says. "I bet you saw them all the time."

"Why do you say that?" she narrows her eyes and purses her lips, did her realize how often she did that? Her tone was sharp and daring him to give her a reason to throw him off the train.

"Because you had to pass the factionless sector to get to school, right?"

"What did you do, memorize a map of the city for fun?" Chris raises a brow.

"Yes," says Will, looking puzzled. "Didn't you?" Maybe I could have them explore the buildings with me, if we have a walking talking map then we would have no reason not to go.

The train's brakes squeal and everyone lurches forward, some lose their footing and others grab hold of each other. I held onto the pole that stood in the corner. The dilapidated buildings are gone, replaced by yellow fields and train tracks. The train stops under an awning. I wait for Tris and Chris to get off then I jump out, landing on my feet in the lush grass. In front of me is a chain-link fence with barbed wire strung along the top. When we walk forward, I notice that it continues farther than I can see, perpendicular to the horizon. Past the fence is a cluster of trees, most of them dead, some green with colored apples waiting for their turned to be picked.

 ***Tris p.o.v**

Milling around on the other side of the fence are dauntless guards carrying guns. "Follow me," says Four. I stay close to Alessa and Christina. I don't want to admit it, not even to myself, but I feel calmer when I'm near them. If Peter tries to taunt me, they will defend me. Alessa is strong, stronger than Christina and I and from what Christina said she is willing to fight her brother if it means protecting us. She had already, secretly I was hoping they would get the chance to fight.

Silently I scold myself for being such a coward. Peter's insults shouldn't bother me, and I should focus on getting better at combat, not on how badly I did yesterday. And I should be willing, if not able, to defend myself instead of relying on other people to do it for me. Maybe Alessa could help me, I saw her fight, and she was good.

Four leads us toward the gate, which is as wide as a house and opens up to the cracked road that leads to the city. When I came here with my family as a child, we rode in a bus on that road and beyond, to Amity's farms, where we spent the day picking tomatoes and sweating through our shirts. Another pinch in my stomach.

"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here," says Four as he reaches the gate. "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much. You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity's farms, but—"

"Patrols for what purpose?" asks Will. Four lifts a shoulder.

"I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them. As I was saying. For the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist that it isn't as bad as it seems."

"Yeah. At least we won't be driving buses or cleaning up other people's messes like the factionless," Christina whispers to us.

"I am not guarding a fence." Alessa narrowed her eyes, I'd rather fight Peter than fight her.

"What rank were you?" Peter asks Four.

I don't expect Four to answer, but he looks levelly at Peter and says, "I was first."

"And you chose to do this?" Peter's eyes are wide and round and dark green. They would look innocent to me if I didn't know what a terrible person he is. "Why didn't you get a government job?"

"I didn't want one," Four says flatly. I remember what he said on the first day, about working in the control room, where the Dauntless monitor the city's security. It is difficult for me to imagine him there, surrounded by computers. To me he belongs in the training room. We learned about faction jobs in school. The Dauntless have limited options. We can guard the fence or work for the security of our city. We can work in the dauntless compound, drawing tattoos or making weapons or even fighting each other for entertainment. Or we can work for the dauntless leaders. That sounds like my best option. The only problem is that my rank is terrible. And I might be factionless by the end of stage one. We stop next to the gate. A few dauntless guards glance in our direction but not many.

They are too busy pulling the doors—which are twice as tall as they are and several times wider—open to admit a truck. The man driving wears a hat, a beard, and a smile. He stops just inside the gate and gets out. The back of the truck is open, and a few other Amity sit among the stacks of crates. I peer at the crates—they hold apples. "Beatrice?" an Amity boy says. My head jerks at the sound of my name.

One of the Amity in the back of the truck stands. He has curly blond hair and a familiar nose, wide at the tip and narrow at the bridge. Robert. I try to remember him at the Choosing Ceremony and nothing comes to mind but the sound of my heart in my ears. Who else transferred? Did Susan? Are there any Abnegation initiates this year? If Abnegation is fizzling, it's our fault—Robert's and Caleb's and mine. Mine. I push the thought from my mind. Robert hops down from the truck. He wears a gray T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. After a second's hesitation, he moves toward me and folds me in his arms. I stiffen. Only in Amity do people hug each other in greeting. I don't move a muscle until he releases me. His own smile fades when he looks at me again.

"Beatrice, what happened to you? What happened to your face?"

"Nothing," I say. "Just training. Nothing."

"Beatrice?" demands a nasal voice next to me. Molly folds her arms and laughs. "Is that your real name, Stiff?" I glance at her.

"What did you think Tris was short for?"

"Oh, I don't know…weakling?"

She touches her chin. If her chin was bigger, it might balance out her nose, but it is weak and almost recedes into her neck. "Oh wait, that doesn't start with Tris. My mistake."

"There's no need to antagonize her," Robert says softly. "I'm Robert, and you are?"

"Someone who doesn't care what your name is," she says. "Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."

I hear Alessa snarl, like a small angry animal.

"Why don't you get away from us?" I snap.

"Right. Wouldn't want to get between you and your boyfriend," she says, she starts to walk away but Alessa pulls her back by her shoulder and punches her square in the jaw. The light leaves her eyes and she crumbles to the floor, no one saw this except us. Alessa walks away from Molly's body and stands by Christina again, Robert looks terrified.

Robert gives me a sad look. "They don't seem like nice people."

"Some of them aren't. These are my friends, they're some of the nice ones."

"You could go home, you know. I'm sure Abnegation would make an exception for you."

"What makes you think I want to go home?" I ask, my cheeks hot. "You think I can't handle this or something?"

"It's not that." He shakes his head. "It's not that you can't, it's that you shouldn't have to. You should be happy."

"This is what I chose. This is it." I look over Robert's shoulder. The Dauntless guards seem to have finished examining the truck. The bearded man gets back into the driver's seat and closes the door behind him. "Besides, Robert. The goal of my life isn't just…to be happy."

"Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?" he says. Before I can answer, he touches my shoulder and turns toward the truck. A girl in the back has a banjo on her lap. She starts to strum it as Robert hoists himself inside, and the truck starts forward, carrying the banjo sounds and her warbling voice away from us.

Robert waves to me, and again I see another possible life in my mind's eye. I see myself in the back of the truck, singing with the girl, though I've never sung before, laughing when I am off-key, climbing trees to pick the apples, always peace full and always safe. The Dauntless guards close the gate and lock it behind them. Chris walks to stand with Will who is with the other dauntless but Alessa stays and sees what I see.

"Are they…are they trying to keep us in?" she looks at the locked fence, analyzing it.

"Why would they do that?" I purse my lips.

"Are we the monsters?"

"I don't know." The lock is on the outside. I bite my lip. Why would they lock the gate from the outside and not the inside? It almost seems like they don't want to keep something out; they want to keep us in. I push the thought out of my head. That makes no sense. Four steps away from the fence, where he was talking to a female dauntless guard with a gun balanced on her shoulder a moment before.

"Alessa, back to the other dauntless" his eyes bore into her like she's a puzzle, she walks away without question. "I am worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions," he says when he's a foot away from me. I cross my arms.

"It was a two-minute conversation."

"I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise." He furrows his eyebrows and touches the corner of my bruised eye with his fingertips. My head jerks back, but he doesn't take his hand away. Instead he tilts his head and sighs. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."

"Attack first?" I say. "How will that help?"

"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." He shrugs, and his hand falls.

"I'm surprised you know that," I say quietly, "since you left halfway through my one and only fight."

"It wasn't something I wanted to watch," he says.

What's that supposed to mean?

He clears his throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris."

I run to catch up with Alessa, Christina, and Will.

 **Thanks for reading, review maybe?**


	8. Can I fix him?

**A/N: I still don't own anything except new characters and events/changes to events. Character pics for new characters can be found on my profile and on Polyvore, Polyvore is also where you can view outfits.**

 ***Alessa's p.o.v**

I watched as Tris dragged herself onto her bed and crawled towards her pillows. She must be pretty exhausted even though she got a reprieve then fought Myra, who was basically marshmallows and daisies squished together into a person. My brother was cruel to her. My eyes flickered to him, he was l in bed his eyes fluttering. I sighed as Tris did, hers was of relief while mine was pretty much the opposite.

Can I fix him?

As if on cue the doors burst open and two older dauntless stood in the doorway with flashlights, the light reflected off the rings in one of their faces and gave him a willowy look. Eric. Four stood behind him with his usual emotionless expression.

"Everybody up!" Eric roars to wake the sleeping. Surrounding him are other Dauntless, some I've seen in the Pit, some of I've never seen before. I jump off my bunk and stand waiting for further instructions, I glance at Tris to see her staring at Four still laying on her bed.

"Did you go deaf, stiff?" Eric snaps at her, she looks sheepish as she climbs out of bed. How can she sleep fully clothes tonight? The dorm feels hot and uncomfortable and I'm only clad in a shirt. Chris stands near us in just a shirt as well, I'm thankful I'm not the only one. "You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks," Eric looks around the room, skirting those who aren't fully clothed. "We're going on another field trip."

I pull my clothes and shoes on, Tris and Chris follow close behind me. I catch sight of Lynn, a little voice snaps at me telling me to straighten myself and run faster up the paths along the walls of the Pit. I stop, confused, and Chris slams into me. "What's wrong?" she questions, her face contorted and sweat beading on her forehead.

"I don't know" I shook the confused feeling off and continued running and pushing past other dauntless, they weren't surprised by us or the thundering of our collective footsteps. I guess they shouldn't be, it must happen often enough.

Chris leans against me once we make it to the tracks, we made it just behind the dauntless born initiates. Boxes were set next to the tracks, inside some were guns and in others were small things in red and black casing.

"Are we going to shoot something?" Chris hisses as Tris walks up to us. The other boxes, the ones with red casings, must be ammunition of some kind. In bold black letters is the word 'SIMULATION DART SHOT' what? I've never heard of them before and they don't sound like fun.

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric shouts over the chatter of other initiates. Everyone surges forward, our group is closest so we grab one first. The gun is lighter than a normal gun but only slightly, I sling the gun across my chest and grab a box of darts. Tris shoves hers in her pocket while Chris tucks it into her jacket. It looked weird, I did the same as Tris. The gun is red and black as well, not like a typical gun at all. Probably made it easier to distinguish the two.

"Time estimate?" Eric doesn't turn to Four when he speaks. Four checks his watch.

"Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" Eric smirks as he shoves Fours shoulder too hard but he doesn't lose balance. Soon a large circle of light appears, the train. It grows and glows brighter as it gets closer. My eyes catch Chris and Tris, Chris is looking over her gun while Tris is staring at Four yet again. Four is the first to get on the train, and Tris runs after him. She doesn't wait for any of her friends to follow her but instead chases after him. I growl and jump into the train car, Lynn helps me stand. A sly smile spreads across her face as she looks me over.

"Hey there, you looked pissed." She laughed.

"I don't even know right now, it's really confusing." I breathed out a small nervous laugh, I doubt it was a normal feeling.

"Well, we got a whole train ride. Sit your ass back down and start talking" something told me she would have done well in Candor.

I sat and so did she, I didn't know where to start or if I should start at all. The one time I had voiced anything like this was to my mother, I was met with a harsh response which only furthered my confusion.

Before I could speak Four did, everyone silenced themselves. "We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The train car sways, Four grabs the door to keep steady but Lynn crashes into me. "This is a dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously."

"What do we get if we win?" someone shouts.

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," Four doesn't look to find the voice but raises his brow, as if daring anyone to say another word. "You get to win, of course."

"Four and I will be your team captains," says Eric. He looks at Four. "Let's divide up transfers first, shall we?" How great, I rolled my eyes as Lynn situated herself while mumbling an apology.

"You go first," Four leans against the wall, Eric shrugs.

"Edward." Four nods as if he's thinking. He scans the group of transfer initiates briefly, without calculation.

"I want the Stiff." A faint undercurrent of laughter fills the car. I shake my head, she was good. She was smart. I had no doubt she was going to surprise people one day, hopefully soon. Maybe my brother would leave her alone.

"Got something to prove?" Eric smirks, it's his trademark. Chris' is to but hers is more mocking and kind while his is cruel. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

Four shrugs. "Something like that." Now that's fucked. I was the second one he picked, I didn't want to be on his team. I'd rather be on Eric's even if he is cruel.

"Well…" I began once they finished picking through us, it took the whole train ride to explain to her, she didn't look like she was going to throw me from the train or tell me I was being stupid and that the right guy is on his way. It was…weird, I was one of the only candor girls in my class to never have a boyfriend. My ass of a mother would have stopped me by now, put an end to this with ridicule like the time before.

"Do you seriously not know why you feel like that?" Lynn smirked, she leaned closer to me. "It's quite simple, Alessa. You're a lesbian." She said it as if I should know all about it but I didn't, I was still as confused as ever but now I felt slightly better because I got it all off my chest.

"Lesbian?" I repeated, she laughed and shook her head in disbelief.

"You have to be kidding me. You don't know what a lesbian is? For fucks sake no wonder you're so confused. Okay…uh" she looked to be searching for her train of thought, "You're a girl and you get feelings for girls and not guys so as far as I can tell you're a lesbian."

"Lesbian means girls like girls? Like…"

"Like the way a guy would, yeah." This time she rolled her eyes, "That feeling you get when you look at Tris is the feeling she gets when she looks at Four." A pain burned in my chest as I looked from Tris to Four, was that how I looked at her?


	9. Capture

**A/N: Ayo, I own nothing except new characters and ideas and stuff like that. This means I make no money from writing and that all rights go to the rightful owners. Outfits and pics are on Polyvore (Noellamonster is the user)**

"Take your scrawny team and get off first, then." Eric says smugly, Four motions for his team to stand. Al looks at us, forlorn and upset. It was easy to tell why he was picked for Eric's team, they were all very strong. Some of the top initiates, other than me. I didn't want to be on this team, not because I thought we'd lose or anything like that but because of Four. I didn't want to follow him into anything. I pout at him, he shakes his head with a smile. Tris offered a reassuring smile to him.

The train is dipping to the ground, Tris has already jumped. I was surprised when she landed on her feet and kept running. A huge grin crossed her face. Lynn had pushed her as she walked by, not quite pushing her out though. I jump, landing easily on the ground in a crouched position. I stand and brush off my knee since only one touched the ground. I feel accomplished, I didn't tumble or hurt myself. I smile, Chris and Lynn jump at the same time but not together. Lynn stumbles but runs, she meets the usual group she's with once they've jumped. I watch as they walk away, she motions for me to follow but Chris grabs my wrist so I'm now running beside her.

One of the Dauntless-born initiates touches Four's shoulder and asks, "When your team won, where did you put the flag?"

"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," he says coolly.

"Come on, Four," she whines and flashes a flirtatious smile, I want him to flirt back but instead he brushes her off and Tris grins. Does she mean to make it so obvious?

"Navy Pier," another Dauntless-born initiate calls out. He is tall with brown skin and dark eyes, he's in Lynn's group of friends and so is the girl. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel." What's his name?

"Let's go there, then," Will suggests.

No one objects, so we walk east, toward the marsh that was once a lake. My brother and his lackeys liked to mess around here, it became common that once a week we would come. Well, I would come to make sure my brother wouldn't get in trouble. I sat back and watched them, I didn't like Molly and Drew so I tried not to associate myself with them.

"We're close to erudite headquarters, right?" asks Christina, bumping Will's shoulder with her own.

"Yeah. It's just south of here," he says. He looks over his shoulder, and for a second his expression is full of longing. I can imagine why, things must have been so much easier there and his family was there.

I looked between Four's and Eric's team, it was easy to spot the huge difference. It was also easy to tell why they both chose who they did, Eric shot for the strongest while Four shot for the fastest. Both would come in handy but I think Four was right about this, the fastest group would be able to overtake and win.

Our team files across the bridge that goes over the dried lake. The mud is still wet, no one can walk on it without sinking in. Once we cross the bridge, the city changes. Behind us, most of the buildings were in use, and even if they weren't, they looked well-tended. In front of us is a sea of crumbling concrete and broken glass. The silence of this part of the city is eerie; it feels like a scene from a nightmare, it incases me and peaks these new feelings.

I watch the ground, taking cautious steps since the only light to guide us was the stars and moon. Marlene takes out a flashlight and shines it at the street in front of us, Chris takes my hand. "Scared of the dark, Mar?" the dark-eyed Dauntless-born initiate teases.

"If you want to step on broken g lass, Uriah, be my guest," she snaps as she turns off the light. I have realized that part of being Dauntless is being willing to make things more difficult for yourself in order to be self-sufficient. There's nothing especially brave about wandering dark streets with no flashlight, but we are not supposed to need help, even from light. We are supposed to be capable of anything. I like this, I like that dauntless teaches this because any form of help will night always be here. Help can't be called upon whenever it is needed.

The buildings end just before the marsh. A strip of land juts out into the marsh and rising from it is a giant white wheel with dozens of red passenger cars dangling from it at regular intervals. The Ferris wheel, something I've always wanted to get working or climb up it and gaze out on all that is here. "Think about it. People use d to ride that thing. For fun," Will shakes his head in disbelief.

"They must have been Dauntless," Tris quips.

"Yeah, but a lame version of Dauntless." Christina laughs.

"A Dauntless Ferris wheel wouldn't have cars. You would just hang on tight with your hands, and good luck to you." I add.

We walk down the side of the pier. All the buildings on my left are empty, their signs torn down and their windows closed, but it is a clean kind of emptiness. Whoever left these places must have left them by choice and at their leisure. Some places in the city are not like that, I think I like those best. "Dare you to jump into the marsh" Chris nudges Will and waggles her brows.

"You first." He nudges her back as we reach the carousel. Some of the horses are scratched and weathered, their tails broken off or their saddles chipped. How would they have looked back in their prime? Maybe they were pretty, I can imagine children loving them. Four takes the flag out of his pocket.

"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location," he says. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect." He is right about that. What good is a prepared body if you have a scattered mind? It leads to death, especially in dauntless. Will takes the flag from Four.

"Some people should stay here and guard, and some people should go out and scout the other team's location," Will says.

"Yeah? You think?" Marlene plucks the flag from Will's fingers. "Who put you in charge, transfer?"

"No one," says Will. "But someone's got to do it."

"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out," suggests Christina.

"That's the sissy way out," Uriah says. "I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it." Everyone bursts into the conversation at once, their voices louder with each passing second. Christina defends Will's plan; the Dauntless-born initiates vote for offense; everyone argues about who should make the decision, I shake my head and walk away. They're going to ruin everything if they continue acting like this. I notice Tris stands apart from the arguing crowd as well but instead of thinking of a way to win she's caught up in her pretty little boy. I roll my eyes and walk away.

I walk around, looking for a sign of where the other team could have gone. I can't see far. That's when it hits me, I need to go high. Higher than I've ever been. I look back to the Ferris wheel and see Tris walking toward it, she must have had the same idea. I jog over, I'm at the ladder before her but once she sees me she starts running.

"I'm guessing you had the same idea, climb high and use it as a vantage point?" I say, she nods.

"Yeah, we're getting nowhere with our team arguing so I thought this would be a good way to start us off." She puffs her chest, she seems proud to have thought of it.

"Time to climb, if you're up to it" I tease, she smiles and we start climbing. I go first then Tris follows. The rungs are weak, too much pressure and they would give way. They were rusted and rough.

"Tris, Alessa?" I hear his horribly familiar voice, I look down and as I suspected Four is standing there.


	10. Paintballs

**A/N: Hello lovely little people, I own nothing except new characters and events and such. I make no money from writing and all rights go to the rightful owners. Outfits and new character pictures will be on Polyvore (Noellamonster)**

"What do you want?" I growl.

"Yes?" Tris says just after I speak, I roll my eyes and begin to climb but Tris grabs my leg to stop me.

"I came to find out what you guys think you're doing."

"We're seeking higher ground," she says simply, I thump my head against the rung. "We don't think we're doing anything." Tris smiles once she sees him smile. I want to get off and let them do it. I don't want to be near them if this is how they're going to act.

 **Tris p.o.v**

"All right. I'm coming." I pause a second, I hear Alessa hitting her head against the rusted rungs. He doesn't look at me the way Will, Christina, and Al sometimes do—like I am too small and too weak to be of any use, and they pity me for it. But if he insists on coming with us, it is probably because he doubts me. There was no reason to doubt Alessa, sometimes I wish I was like her. But then I remember who her brother is. "I'll be fine," I say.

"Undoubtedly," he replies. I don't hear the sarcasm, but I know it's there. It has to be. I let Alessa go she climbs and I follow, and when I'm a few feet off the ground, he comes after me. He moves faster than I do, and soon his hands find the rungs that my feet leave. Alessa is fast to, she's much higher than either of us. Was she trying to get away from me? "So tell me…," he says quietly as we climb. He sounds breathless. "What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean, not the climbing." I stare down at the pavement. It seems far away now, but I'm not even a third of the way up. Above me is a platform, just below the center of the wheel. That's my destination. I don't even think about how I will climb back down. The breeze that brushed my cheeks earlier now presses against my side. The higher we go, the stronger it will get. I need to be ready.

"Learning about strategy," I say. "Teamwork, maybe."

"Team work," he repeats. A laugh hitches in his throat. It sounds like a panicked breath. I hear Alessa laugh, was it at me or Four?

"Maybe not," I say. "Teamwork doesn't seem to be a dauntless priority." The wind is stronger now. I press closer to the white support so I don't fall, but that makes it hard to climb. How did Alessa do this? Below me the carousel looks small. I can barely see my team under the awning. Some of them are missing—a search party must have left.

Four says, "It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be." But I'm not really listening, because the height is dizzying. My hands ache from holding the rungs, and my legs are shaking, but I'm not sure why. It isn't the height that scares me—the height makes me feel a live with energy, every organ and vessel and muscle in my body singing at the same pitch. Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames. My hand almost misses the next rung. "Now tell me…," he says through a bursting breath, "what do you think learning strategy has to do with…bravery?" The question reminds me that he is my instructor, and I am supposed to learn something from this. A cloud passes over the moon, and the light shifts across my hands.

"It…it prepares you to act," I say finally. "You learn strategy so you can use it." I hear him breathing behind me, loud and fast. "Are you all right, Four?"

"Are you human, Tris? Being up this high…" He gulps for air. "It doesn't scare you at all?" I look over my shoulder at the ground. If I fall now, I will die. But I don't think I will fall. A gust of air presses against my left side, throwing my body weight to the right. I gasp and cling to the rungs, my balance shifting. Four's cold hand clamps around one of my hips, one of his fingers finding a strip of bare skin just under the hem of my T-shirt. He squeezes, steadying me and pushing me gently to the left, restoring my balance. Now I can't breathe. I pause, staring at my hands, my mouth dry. I feel the ghost of where his hand was, his fingers long and narrow. I look up as he does, Alessa has stopped, and she is waiting. She doesn't look happy, she looks hurt.

"You okay?" he asks quietly, I look away from her. Her gaze is cold.

"Yes," I say, my voice strained. I keep climbing, silently, until I reach the platform. Judging by the blunted ends of metal rods, it used to have railings, but it doesn't anymore. I sit down and scoot to the end of it so Four has somewhere to sit. Without thinking, I put my legs over the side. Four, however, crouches and presses his back to the metal support, breathing heavily. My eyes catch Alessa's, she looks at him and grins. She thinks it's funny.

"You're afraid of heights," I say, Alessa laughs when I say it out loud. "How do you survive in the dauntless compound?"

"I ignore my fear," he says, he looks at Alessa. He does not get angry, he doesn't order her to leave or face punishment. Instead he looks to be trying to figure her out. "When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist." I stare at him for a second. I can't help it. To me there's a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear, as he does. I have been staring at him too long. "What?" he says quietly.

"Nothing." I look away from him and toward the city. I have to focus. I climbed up here for a reason. The city is pitch-black, but even if it wasn't, I wouldn't be able to see very far. A building stands in my way.

"We're not high enough," Alessa says what I think. She motions up. Above her is a tangle of white bars, the wheel's scaffolding. If we climb carefully, we can wedge our feet between the supports and the crossbars and stay secure. Or as secure as possible.

"I'm going to climb," she says, "Care to join me?" she asks me, ignoring Fours presence. She begins to climb, I stand. I grab one of the bars above my head and pull myself up. Shooting pains go through my bruised sides, but I ignore them.

"For God's sake, Stiff," he says. I see Alessa tense.

"You don't have to follow me," I say, staring at the maze of bars above me. I shove my foot onto the place where two bars cross and push myself up, grabbing another bar in the process. I sway for a second, my heart beating so hard I can't feel anything else.

Every thought I have condenses into that heartbeat, moving at the same rhythm. "Yes, I do," he says. This is crazy, and I know it. A fraction of an inch of mistake, half a second of hesitation, and my life is over. Heat tears through my chest, and I smile as I grab the next bar. I pull myself up, my arms shaking, and force my leg under me so I'm standing on another bar. When I feel steady, I look down at Four. But instead of seeing him, I see straight to the ground. I can't breathe.

I imagine my body plummeting, smacking into the bars as it falls down, and my limbs at broken angles on the pavement, just like Rita's sister when she didn't make it onto the roof. Does Alessa have these fears? She saw her, she looks down every few seconds. She's grinning.

Four grabs a bar with each hand and pulls himself up, easy, like he's sitting up in bed. But he is not comfortable or natural here—every muscle in his arm stands out. It is a stupid thing for me to think when I am one hundred feet off the ground. I grab another bar, find another place to wedge my foot. When I look at the city again, the building isn't in my way. I'm high enough to see the skyline. Most of the buildings are black against a navy sky, but the red lights at the top of the Hub are lit up. They blink half as fast as my heartbeat. Beneath the buildings, the streets look like tunnels. For a few seconds I see only a dark blanket over the land in front of me, just faint differences between building and sky and street and ground.

Then I see a tiny pulsing light on the ground. "Tris, you see it?" Alessa calls, I nod.

"See what?" Four is gasping.

"That" I say, pointing. Four stops climbing when he's right behind me and looks over my shoulder, his chin next to my head. His breaths flutter against my ear, and I feel shaky again, like I did when I was climbing the ladder.

"Yeah," he says. A smile spreads over his face. "It's coming from the park at the end of the pier," he says. "Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough."

"Okay," I say. I look over my shoulder at him. We are so close I forget where I am; instead I notice that the corners of his mouth turn down naturally, just like mine, and that he has a scar on his chin. "Um," I say. I clear my throat.

Alessa sighs, irritated. "Are you two going to climb down now or am I just going to have to hang here while you too stare at each other?" she snaps.

"She's right." Four looks away.

"Start climbing down. I'll follow you." Four nods and steps down. His leg is so long that he finds a place for his foot easily and guides his body between the bars. Even in darkness, I see that his hands are bright red and shaking. I step down with one foot, pressing my weight into one of the crossbars. The bar creaks beneath me and comes loose, clattering against half a dozen bars on the way down and bouncing on the pavement. I'm dangling from the scaffolding with my toes swinging in midair.

"Four!" Alessa screams, he responds but I scream his name too. Alessa looks wild, scared.

I try to find another place to put my foot, but the nearest foothold is a few feet away, farther than I can stretch. My hands are sweaty. I remember wiping them on my slacks before the Choosing Ceremony, before the aptitude test, before every important moment, and suppress a scream. I will slip. I will slip. "Hold on!" he shouts. "Just hold on, I have an idea." He keeps climbing down. He's moving in the wrong direction; he should be coming toward me, not going away from me. I stare at my hands, which are wrapped around the narrow bar so tightly my knuckles are white. My fingers are dark red, almost purple. They won't last long. I won't last long.

Alessa is watching him, her eyes narrowed. I squeeze my eyes shut. Better not to look. Better to pretend that none of this exists. I hear Four's sneakers squeak against metal and rapid footsteps on ladder rungs. "Four!" I yell. Maybe he left. Maybe he abandoned me.

"Calm down Tris." She speaks, she can't help, and she is above me. She is as trapped as I am.

Maybe this is a test of my strength, of my bravery. I breathe in my nose and out my mouth. I count my breaths to calm down. One, two. In, out. Come on, Four is all I can think. Come on, do something.

Then I hear something wheeze and creak. The bar I'm holding shudders, and I scream through my clenched teeth as I fight to keep my grip. The wheel is moving. Air wraps around my ankles and wrists as the wind gushes up, like a geyser. I open my eyes. I'm moving—toward the ground. I laugh, giddy with hysteria as the ground comes closer and closer. But I'm picking up speed. If I don't drop at the right time, the moving cars and metal scaffolding will drag at my body and carry me with them, and then I will really die. Every muscle in my body tenses as I hurtle toward the ground. When I can see the cracks in the sidewalk, I drop, and my body slams into the ground, feet first. My legs collapse beneath me and I pull my arms in, rolling as fast as I can to the side. The cement scrapes my face, and I turn just in time to see a car bearing down on me, like a giant shoe about to crush me.

Frantically I look for Alessa, did I get her killed? "Alessa?" I wheeze, finally I see her standing a few feet away with a dead expression. She looks from me to Four then walks away. Is she angry?

"You all right?" he asks, pressing our hands together.

"Yeah." He starts to laugh. After a second, I laugh too. With my free hand, I push myself to a sitting position. I am aware of how little space there is between us—six inches at most. That space feels charged with electricity. I feel like it should be smaller. He stands, pulling me up with him. The wheel is still moving, creating a wind that tosses my hair back. "You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked," I say. I try to so und casual. "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."

"I would have, if I had known," he says. "Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag." Four hesitates for a moment and then takes my arm, his fingertip s pressing to the inside of my elbow. In other factions, he would give me time to recover, but he is Dauntless, so he smiles at me and starts toward the carousel, where our team members guard our flag. And I half run, half limp beside him.

"Would you have left Alessa?" I don't know why I ask.

"Yes." His answer surprises me but I say nothing. I still feel weak, but my mind is awake, especially with his hand on me. Christina is perched on one of the horses, her long legs crossed and her hand around the pole holding the plastic animal upright. Our flag is behind her, a glowing triangle in the dark. I don't see Alessa.

Three Dauntless-born initiates stand among the other worn and dirty animals. One of them has his hand on a horse's head, and a scratched horse eye stares at me between his fingers. Sitting on the edge of the carousel is an older Dauntless, scratching her quadruple-pierced eyebrow with her thumb.

"Where'd the others go?" asks Four. He looks as excited as I feel, his eyes wide with energy.

"Did you guys turn on the wheel?" the older girl says. "What the hell are you thinking? You might as well have just shouted 'Here we are! Come and get us!'" She shakes her head. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"

"The wheel doesn't matter," says Four. "We know where they are."

"We?" says Christina, looking from Four to me. "Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," he says.

"Alessa had the idea, she climbed with us." I speak for her since he doesn't and she disappeared.

"What do we do now, then?" asks one of the Dauntless-born initiates through a yawn. Four looks at me. Slowly the eyes of the other initiates, including Christina, migrate from him to me.

I tense my shoulders, about to shrug and say I don't know, and then an image of the pier stretching out beneath me comes into my mind. I have an idea. "Split in half," I say. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag." Christina looks at me like she no longer recognizes me. I don't blame her.

"Sounds good," says the older girl, clapping her hands together. "Let's get this night over with, shall we?"

Christina joins me in the group going to the right, along with Uriah, whose smile looks white against his skin's bronze. I didn't notice before, but he has a tattoo of a snake behind his ear. I stare at its tail curling around his earlobe for a moment, but then Christina starts running and I have to follow her. I have to run twice as fast to match my short strides to her long ones. As I run, I realize that only one of us will get to touch the flag, and it won't matter that it was my plan and my information that got us to it if I'm not the one who grabs it. Though I can hardly breathe as it is, I run faster, and I'm on Christina's heels. I pull my gun around my body, holding my finger over the trigger.

"Where's Alessa?" Christina asks as we move, I don't look at her. I let Alessa walk away, I don't know where she went. I didn't protect her when Four said he'd let her die. I didn't deserve the friends I had.

Alessa stands in the corner of the train car with a girl with several stretched ear piercings with a twisting rod going through them. She has an eyebrow piercing and short honey brown hair. The girl glares at me and turns, she stands in front of Alessa now. I can't see her.

"So you climbed the Ferris wheel too, huh," says Uriah. He stumbles across the car and sits next to me, he had been standing with them. Marlene, the girl with the flirty smile, follows him.

"Yes," I say.

"Pretty smart of you. Like…Erudite smart," Marlene says. "I'm Marlene."

"Tris," I say. At home being compared to an Erudite would be an insult, but she says it like a compliment.

"Yeah, I know who you are," she says. "The first jumper tends to stick in your head." It has been years since I jumped off a building in my Abnegation uniform; it has been decades. Uriah takes one of the paintballs from his gun and squeezes it between his thumb and index finger. The train lurches to the left, and Uriah fall ls against me, his fingers pinching the paintball until a stream of pink, foul-smelling paint sprays on my face. Marlene collapses in giggles. I wipe some of the paint from my face, slowly, and then smear it on his cheek. The scent of fish oil wafts through the train car.

"Ew!" He squeezes the ball at me again, but the opening is at the wrong angle, and the paint sprays into his mouth instead. He coughs and makes exaggerated gagging sounds. I wipe my face with my sleeve, laughing so hard my stomach hurts. If my entire life is like this, loud laughter and boll d action and the kind of exhaustion you feel after a hard but satisfying day, I will be content. As Uriah scrapes his tongue with his fingertips, I realize that all I have to do is get through initiation, and that life will be mine.


	11. Practice and Cowardice

**A/N: Ayo lovely little lambs, I still only own new characters and events and things like that. Alessa's picture can be found on Polyvore in the outfit sets (Noellamonster) since I don't own the story I make no money from writing and all the rights go to the rightful owners.**

 ***Alessa's p.o.v**

I stretched as I entered the training room, looking around I see that Tris has yet to arrive. Chris was talking with Will and Al, Peter was with his lackeys. Chris notices me standing by the entrance and motions for me to come to her. I walk over after casting another glance towards my brother. He hadn't noticed me yet.

I looked around, there were targets set up against one wall. Along a table were throwing knives. "Great, more of a chance someone will die." I say, Chris nods.

"It's probable that at least one person will get a knife to some part of their body, accident or not." Will says, Chris smiles but rolls her eyes. Something about the way they had started acting towards each other made me wonder…

Eric stands in the middle of the room, stiff and rigid. His gaze is cold, it sends a shiver down my spine. He looks colder, crueler, than usual. You could feel it radiating off of him, making the air heavier, less breathable.

It's not long before Tris trudges in, she scans the room and relief floods her expression. She walks over to where we stand.

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one," Eric says. "You will resume fighting then. Today, you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knives." His cold gaze scanned the small crowd of initiates, his voice was deeper than usual. "And pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them." We stand still. "Now!" We scramble forward, everyone taking daggers and moving into position. Knives are much lighter than guns, the cold steel presses into my palm and I remember the day I chose to follow my brother here, I wonder when I lost him.

"He's in a bad mood today" Christina mumbles.

"Is he ever in a good mood?" Tris mumbles back.

"He must never get laid" I mumble, Chris's hands fly to her mouth as she stifles laughter while Tris turns red. I look away, ever since talking to Lynn nothing seems right. I understand but I also don't.

Instead I look to Eric, he glares at Four, homicidal anger flashing in his dark eyes. If looks could kill I'm sure his would. Four acted as though winning meant nothing, Eric acted like it would have meant everything. I guess it had to do with pride, something important to dauntless. More important than most anything else.

I turn my attention to Four, I take mental notes of the stance he uses, how much power is behind each throw, and how he recoils after he throws. He throws daggers a few more times then it's our turn.

I match his stance with small adjustments that would fit my size better, I throw the dagger and it hits the center of the target. I keep throwing, each time I make a target and then expand to the outer circles. It comes easy although soon my arm gets tired of being in the same positions, I change arms. I had come to practice in here each night we did target practice, I would use my left instead of my right hand. I wanted to be capable of using it.

Eric walks past me with a smile, the anger hadn't left his eyes though. "You've been practicing" he stopped and watched me, "Good, we'll need you in dauntless."

I felt lighter from his words, as if a burden I hadn't known I was carrying was lifted away. I ignored the argument between my brother and Tris, he was acting like a child. I don't know what to do about him.

But despite what he thought of her she was second to hit the target, I was first. My brother wasn't good with knives.

"How slow are you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?" Al's face turns red. He throws another knife, and this one sails a few feet to the right of the target. It spins and hits the wall. "What was that, initiate?" Eric's voice is deathly quiet, he leans closer to Al and I feel goosebumps rise on my skin.

"It—it slipped," Al's voice shakes.

"Well, I think you should go get it," Eric says. He scans the other initiates' faces, everyone had stopped throwing to watch what Eric would do to Al, the anger in his eyes flashes and spreads across his expression. "Did I tell you to stop?" his voice makes panic rise in my throat, we all start throwing again. His anger is different than normal, it's crueler and he is more rabid. It's as if he was waiting for someone to slip up just so he could tear them apart.

"Go get it?" Al's eyes are wide. "But everyone's still throwing."

"And?"

"And I don't want to get hit."

"I think you can trust your fellow initiates to aim better than you." A smirk tugs at Eric's lips, his oddly dark eyes glint as he seems to relish the thought of someone slipping up and nailing him. "Go get your knife." Al doesn't usually object to anything the Dauntless tell us to do. Part of me thinks he's afraid and part of me thinks he just knows that objecting is useless. This time Al sets his wide jaw. He's reached the limits of his compliance. I'm surprised no one else has.

"No," he says.

"Why not?" Eric's beady eyes fix on Al's face. "Are you afraid?"

"Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife?" Al furrows his brow "Yes, I am!" Honesty is his mistake. Not his refusal, which Eric might have accepted.

"Everyone stop!" Eric shouts. The knives stop, and so does all conversation. My dagger digs into my palm, Al should have lied. "Clear out of the ring." Eric looks at Al. "All except you." I slip the dagger into my pocket, Chris places hers on the table, and Tris lets hers fall to the ground. We shuffle to one side of the room, some initiates pushing to see what Eric will do, Al was going to get hurt if he stuck through it. "Stand in front of the target," Eric's deathly calm is scarier than when he screams.

Al shakes as he walks to the target. "Hey, Four." Eric looks over his shoulder. "Give me a hand here, huh?" Four scratches one of his eyebrows with a knife point and approaches Eric. He has dark circles under his eyes and a tense set to his mouth—he's as tired as we are. "You're going to stand there as he throws those knives," Eric says to Al, "until you learn not to flinch." "

 **Tris p.o.v**

"Is this really necessary?" Four asks, he sounds bored, but he doesn't look bored. His face and body are tense, alert.

I squeeze my hands into fists. No matter how casual Four sounds, the question is a challenge. And Four doesn't often challenge Eric directly. At first Eric stares at Four in silence. Four stares back. Seconds pass and my fingernails bite my palms. "I have the authority here, remember?" Eric says, so quietly I can barely hear him. "Here, and everywhere else." Color rushes into Four's face, though his expression does not change. His grip on the knives tightens and his knuckles turn white as he turns to face Al. I look from Al's wide, dark eyes to his shaking hands to the determined set of Four's jaw. Anger bubbles in my chest, and bursts from my mouth:

"Stop it." Four turns the knife in his hand, his fingers moving painstakingly over the metal edge. He gives me such a hard look that I feel like he's turning me to stone. I know why. I am stupid for speaking up while Eric is here; I am stupid for speaking up at all. I slip my hand into Alessa's and inhale. "Any idiot can stand in front of a target," I say. "It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice."

"Then it should be easy for you," Eric says. "If you're willing to take his place." The last thing I want to do is stand in front of that target, but I can't back down now. I didn't leave myself the option. I let go of Alessa, Chris grabs her to keep her back. She growls, her eyes now matching Eric's who smiles at her. I weave through the crowd of initiates.

Four and I stay behind. Chris and Alessa will be waiting. I wait until the room is empty and the door is shut before looking at him again. He walks toward me. "Is your—" he begins.

"You did that on purpose!" I shout.

"Yes, I did," he says quietly. "And you should thank me for helping you." I grit my teeth.

"Thank you? You almost stabbed my ear, and you spent the entire time taunting me. Why should I thank you?"

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on!"

He glares at me, and even when he glares, his eyes look thoughtful. Their shade of blue is peculiar, so dark it is almost black, with a small patch of lighter blue on the left iris, right next to the corner of his eye. "Catch on? Catch on to what? That you wanted to prove to Eric how tough you are? That you're sadistic, just like he is?"

"I am not sadistic." He doesn't yell. I wish he would yell. It would scare me less. He leans his face close to mine, which reminds me of lying inches away from the attack dog's fangs in the aptitude test, and says, "If I wanted to hurt you, don't you think I would have already?" He crosses the room and slams the point of a knife so hard into the table that it sticks there, handle toward the ceiling.

"I—" I start to shout, but he's already gone. I scream, frustrated, and wipe some of the blood from my ear.


	12. Anger and A Special Pill

**A/N: Ayo, I still only own new characters and ideas so I make no money from writing and all rights go to the rightful owners.**

 **Alessa p.o.v**

Tris looks angry but defeated as she walked up to us, she runs a hand through her now messy blonde hair. She looked ready to rip it out. Dried blood covered the tip of her ear. "At least he didn't take it off" Chris grimaces.

"Al should have been the one standing there and taking it." I rolled my eyes, Al had run off and Will chased after him. He was a coward, he should have never joined dauntless if he wasn't capable of taking his own punishment.

"He's a coward" she mumbled, almost sounded like she wasn't the one saying it.

"Hey there buttercup" I hit my head against the table, barely missing the mashed potatoes on my plate.

"Hey Lynn, see you're still calling me that" Chris and Tris looked at her unsure.

"You know you're bleeding, right?" her voice was cold when she talked to Tris. I looked to see the dry blood had cracked and now fresh blood was dripping down her ear and onto both her neck and shoulder. With a groan she threw up and hair and pressed a napkin to her ear.

"Thanks" she muttered.

"So, you're friends with Alessa?"

"Best friends" she smirked. Chris furrowed her brow, she never liked when someone else claimed to be my best friend even jokingly.

"That title has already been claimed" she sneered, I grinned and shook my head.

"Okay fine we're special friends" she laughed, Chris' eyes widened but Tris looked confused. I choked on nothing, hastily stood and ushered Lynn into the hallway. She laughed the whole way, "What? Can't I joke around?" she was still smirking when we stopped in an unfamiliar hallway.

"Of course!" my voice was much shriller than I intended, she laughed harder. "You're such an ass" I groaned as I covered my face with my oddly cold hands.

"And yet you keep me around" I heard her footsteps echo through the stoned walled hallway. Her hand wrapped around my wrist, my breath hitched in my throat. She pulled me along the corridor without telling me why.

"Gonna tell me where you're taking me?" I questioned.

"Hmmm…nope" I could hear her smirking.

I no longer shower before fighting, I get sweaty and don't like to chance getting blood on clean skin. We were allowed one shower a day and I wasn't wasting it.

"You sure you don't want me to wait?" I asked, Tris shook her head.

"I'll be fine, your brother isn't around and I won't be long." She smiled before turning and walking into the showers. I walked with Chris to exchange some clothes, since coming here everyone's muscles had grown forcing them to trade and buy new clothes.

"Since coming to dauntless I've really started to love my body" I stated, Chris readily agreed.

"Never knew I could look this hot" she smiled proudly, while she had no trouble loving herself before she definitely loved herself more now.

We put away the new black clothes and jogged to the training room. Almost everyone had names beside theirs. Christina was up against Al, he was going to let her win, I was up against my brother, Will and Myra, and Tris had no name yet.

Minutes passed before she walked in, anger clearer than day on her pink tinted face. "What happened?" I dared to ask, she didn't tear her gaze from the board as she explained to me what happened.

"Molly" she finished, "I got Molly, good enough" she snarled. I smirked, she was going to kick Molly's ass and it looked like I was going to kick my brothers.

"I'll take care of Peter, don't worry your pretty little head." I knew I was the only other one who could beat Peter. If I succeeded I would then fight Edward. I wasn't so sure about him, he was scary good and even though he had been helping me I highly doubt I could take him.

The fights don't take as long today, everyone is filled with nervous energy that pushes them harder than Eric could. Each second that passes seems to irritate Tris further, part of me thought she was going to kill Molly, the other part relished in what I was going to do to my brother. He went too low, he was sick, I was going to knock some sense into him.

Eric took me aside right as Tris entered the ring with Molly, I heard her faint taunts. Rest in pieces Molly dear.

"Yes sir?" I questioned.

"Don't go easy on your brother." He started, "I've had the same talk with him. He's going to put his all into this fight. If you let him win you're done, you will no longer be dauntless. Take this, every dauntless has to today, new vitamin." He put a small red pill in my hand and watched as I swallowed it. His cruel smirk appeared as he walked away, the pill burned my throat and my head spun. My vision became blurry, black spots danced across the blurred images. I felt like I was going to be sick but the pain in my throat and head kept me grounded. This vitamin wasn't sitting well with me.

I stood straight as blinding fury filled me, I've never felt this before. I've never felt this alive before. I walked to Chris who had been watching me with worried eyes. She touched my arm and my hand flew across her face. She looked at me with wide eyes, a smirk crawled across my lips and I looked away from her.

"Alessa, Peter" Eric barked, I shot him a glare as I trudged into the ring.

"I'm sorry" he breathed as Eric signaled for us to start, he stepped and attempted to throw a punch that would've knocked me clean out.

"Don't be" I smiled as I kicked him in the chest sending him flying back, he growled as he straightened himself and flung himself at me. His hand found its way to my neck, my knee found his groin. He fell to his knees putting him at the perfect level, bringing my knee up I smashed his face against it before throwing him to floor. Blood caked his face but he wasn't ready to quit, he grabbed my ankles and ripped them out from under me. His knee dug into my chest as he threw punches, most I blocked. A scream of anger ripped its way out from my chest.

I barely managed to throw him off, blood dripped from my now broken nose. I launched myself at him, bringing my knee to his groin again as I repeatedly punched his smug little face. I felt bone crunch under my fist.

Next thing I knew I was being pulled off my unconscious brother and Edward entered the ring.

My thoughts became so clouded, I don't know what happened next. All I saw was blood.


	13. The pain of angering a bitch

**Hey peoples, so sorry for the long wait for a new chapter. I had surgery and then my brother had hidden the flash drive that held all of my chapters. I finally found it and will try posting regularly.**

"Finally, you're awake." I had just opened my eyes when the familiar voice spoke. Lynn stood over me with a wet cloth, "I was just dabbing away the extra blood, they didn't do too good cleaning you up."

When I tried speaking my voice was too hoarse to understand, without hesitation or worry she handed me a glass of water. "Thanks." I say after I gulp down half of its contents. "What day is it? And what happened?"

"Visiting day." She stated as she helped me to sit, "Your friends all went to get ready." She rolled her eyes, a cold look crossing her face when she spoke of them. "Rumor has it you beat the shit out of your brother but Edward just barely beat you."

"I don't remember anything" I groan, "Not after Eric gave me this new vitamin, I don't think it agreed with me." What kind of vitamin has the effect of memory loss?

"Shit, what color was the damn pill?"

"Uh, red I think. Why?" she helped me stand and dress in the black dress. It was simple but not something my mother would approve of, it had a very deep 'v' and was shorter than the other dresses I had worn. It showed off the tattoos I had gotten, which would also make her unhappy. I applied the usual make-up I had worn before coming here and slipped on a pair of ankle boots, something else that would make her unhappy. "My mother is going to have a shit fit." I laughed, she also wouldn't like my new colorful vocabulary. "And she can't punish me for it, for making her unhappy and wearing things she doesn't approve of."

"She wouldn't approve of you being a lesbian either, would she?" Lynn asked with a mischievous smirk.

"No, she's the reason I never knew anything about that stuff. Remember?"

"I definitely do" she rolled her eyes once again, "How about we do something that'll make her storm right out of Dauntless?"

"I think that'd be perfect." I finished brushing through my hair then let Lynn guide me to the Pit floor.

"I'm going to see my family for a few minutes then I'll swoop in and take care of things." With a wink she walked off toward her family, they were leaned against the railing talking to each other and other Dauntless families.

I scanned the crowd and instantly saw my mother and father with my brother, my father's loud voice encompassing other conversations. I sighed and hesitantly walked towards them, as soon as they saw me their jaws dropped except for Peters; he simply looked tired.

"Alessa, what have you done to your little face!?" my mother screeched, my head started throbbing at the shrill anger in her voice. "You've ruined yourself! Get those metal rings out of your face right this instant!"

"Why should I?" I questioned, shock covered her angry face, "I am Dauntless now, you can't control me anymore." I stated simply.

"I am your mother and you will listen to me, Alessa. What has this place done to you? Look at your dress, never should you show so much skin! These tattoos, these rings! You are a disgrace to woman." Her voice held venom, my father simply shook his head in annoyance.

"Mother, I think it's time for you to leave. We are Dauntless now, we will do what we want and you can't do anything now." Peter was calm, which was always something to worry about.

"Not until your sister rids herself of those disgusting rings and changes!" I didn't expect anything less from her, she was always so on edge when it came to me.

"Listen to your mother, Alessa. Those things only make you uglier." Our father finally spoke, at that Peter snapped.

"Shut your fucking mouth." He snarled, "Every day of our lives we have had to deal with your bullshit, your cruelty, and we fucking escaped it. You can't come here and treat her like shit, I won't let it happen anymore."

"Hello" Lynn smirked as she walked up to me, she threw her arm around me and looked my mother dead in the eyes.

"And who is this?" disgust coated her words as she looked over Lynn and the little space between us.

"I'm her girlfriend." Lynn spoke before I could, my cheeks warmed and my chest tightened. "See." With that she pulled me into a warm, passionate kiss. And in that moment I had felt right, at peace with myself, and whole. There had always been a piece missing, the piece my mother told me didn't exist and threatened me over. Sparks of energy danced over my skin, I felt more alive than I ever have.

With a shrill screech my mother pulled us apart and her hand flew across my already aching face, Lynn lunged at her but Eric caught her mid-flight. "Mr. and Mrs. Hayes, I suggest you leave my compound and never come back. I will not sit and let you disrespect my initiates because you don't approve of who she is."

The shock of Eric standing up for me dulled the pain in my face, I turned from Eric to my parents who looked as shocked as I felt. Without another word they turned and left, Peter had pulled me closer and was inspecting my busted lip.

Eric set Lynn down as he faced me, "I suggest you go get that cleaned up, maybe take a pain reliever." He walked away without saying another word, nothing cruel come out of his mouth.

"I'll take you" Peter said, "You go back to your family." He added as he looked to Lynn.

Minutes later I was sitting on a bed in the infirmary as Peter cleaned my lip, I had already taken a pain reliever. "Are you really dating that girl?" he asked once he finished cleaning and applying a healing salve to my lip.

"No, she did it to prove a point to our mom. That I'm valid, that what I feel is real regardless of what she believes."

"Wait, she knew?"

"She did but she told it wasn't a thing and kept setting me up with guys, you know that." He shook his head with a disappointed look on his face.

"I'm sorry Alessa, you should have talked to me and I would have made sure to help you sneak out to meet girls." He smirked as I punched his arm, "If I would have known I would've helped you."

"I was scared, honestly" I admitted, "I thought I was going crazy."

"You are crazy but in the best way." He patted my head, "My little sister doesn't need to be scared anymore."

"Of course, I can kick your ass now." I smiled proudly, "Also we're twins."

"Yeah but I was born minutes before you."

"I swear to fuck Peter."


	14. Losing him

**Heyo peoples, I suck at posting but I've been so busy with school. Once summer rolls around I'll be a thousand times better at posting and will also be adding new stories, including my x-men story but as of right now this and Wilted will be the only stories I post for.**

"You weren't allowed to have pets?" Christina demands, smacking the table with her palm. "Why not?"

"Because they're illogical," Will says matter-of-factly. "What is the point in providing food and shelter for an animal that just soils your furniture, makes your home smell bad, and ultimately dies?" I smiled and roll my eyes, they fight so often but always about the smallest and insignificant things. It was cute in a weird way.

"The point is…" Christina's voice trails off, and she tilts her head. "Well, they're fun to have. I had a bull dog named Chunker. One time we left a whole roasted chicken on the counter to cool, and while my mother went to the bathroom, he pulled it down off the counter and ate it, bones and skin and all. We laughed so hard."

"Yes, that certainly changes my mind. Of course I want to live with an animal that eats all my food and destroys my kitchen." Will shakes his head. "Why don't you just get a dog after initiation if you're feeling that nostalgic?"

"Because." Christina's smile falls, and she pokes at her potato with her fork. "Dogs are sort of ruined for me. After…you know, after the aptitude test." Our expressions as we looked to each other are grim yet guarded. We all know that we aren't supposed to talk about the test, not even now that we have chosen, but for them it must be easy. Their results wouldn't get them killed. My gaze met Tris' and the panic in her eyes tells me this rule was as important to her as it is for me. This golden rule was supposed to be protection, but here we were talking about it so openly. My chest grew tight, Tori's voice weaving through my thoughts.

"You mean…killing the dog, right?" asks Will.

Those with an aptitude for Dauntless picked up the knife in the simulation and stabbed the dog when it attacked. No wonder Christina doesn't want a pet dog anymore, I understood completely. I don't think I could ever look at another dog without feeling immense guilt.

"Yeah," she says. "I mean, you guys all had to do that too, right?" She looks first at Al, and then at Tris. Her dark eyes narrow, and she says, "You didn't."

"Hmm?" she made it too obvious.

"You're hiding something," Chris says.

"You're fidgeting," says Al, nudging Tris with his shoulder. She untensed "In Candor we learn to read body language so we know when someone is lying or keeping something from us."

"Oh." She scratches the back of her neck. "Well…"

"See, there it is again!" Chris says, nodding at her hand. Tris looked like she was trying to figure something out, maybe if she should tell us or how to lie without being caught.

"No, I didn't kill the dog." She finally said, her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

"How did you get Dauntless without using the knife?" says Will, narrowing his eyes at her. She steadies her gaze and looks more confident

"I didn't. I got Abnegation." I don't believe that, something in her eyes told me that wasn't entirely true. Maybe because Tori had put me in as Abnegation as well. She holds Wills gaze for several moments.

After dinner we all made for the dormitory, people shoving each other and everyone trying to get there first made it exceptionally difficult. Peter wrapped his arm around to keep me close, no one would dare try to shove him. Looking back, I saw Tris struggling to get through, Drew forcefully shoved her against the wall. He was an ass and there was no way to fix that.

I stood in the front of the room with my brother still keeping me close, I was thankful to have him. I just wish I knew why he has changed so much since coming here, his violence and outbreaks were more random and filled with more rage than I thought he was capable of.

Four turned to face us as he spoke "For those of you who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined," he says. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice." His dark blue eyes linger on Peter, a cold look flashing across his face for a mere second. "If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent."

Molly lets out an unpleasant noise, like a snort or a grumble. "Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice," he says. "That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one." I lean my head against my brother, nervous tension was setting in on me. I lost to Edward, what if that drags me to the bottom? "We will announce the cuts tomorrow," Four says. "The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates are not will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be factionless and none of them. Or four of them could be factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That said, here are your ranks." He hangs the board on the hook and steps back so we can see the rankings: 1. Edward 2. Peter 3. Alessa 4. Will 5. Christina 6. Molly 7. Tris 8. Drew 9. Al. Al isn't dead last, but unless the Dauntless-born initiates completely failed their version of stage one of initiation, he'd be factionless.

After Molly finished yelling at Tris, acting a bit too dramatic; even for her, Peter let me go and calmly sat on his bed and began unlacing his shoes. He was very unhappy and I feared for the worst. Cautiously I walk over to him and sit beside him. "You did really good, I'm proud of you." He says but he lacks the proper emotion.

"I'm proud of you too, you're doing amazing. I'm just worried…you've been acting so differently since we came here. Is something wrong?" he turned and looked at me like I just slapped him.

"What the hell are talking about?" he snapped, his voice angry but quiet. "Get away from me. Now." My breaking heart sunk into my stomach, "I'm not the one acting different, you are. Such a freak." I didn't stay to hear what else he had to say about me. I took a shower before sitting in bed, sleeping didn't come that night. Instead I lay awake listening to a mix of silence and snores, that is of course until heavy footfalls and the squeak of a pair of shoes is heard.

I look towards the ground, what I see first is that Tris has also heard people; what I hear first is a wail of anguish that ran ice cold sparks across my skin and curdled my blood. I jumped from bed the same time Tris ripped her blankets off, someone screamed for the lights to be turned on as Tris and I desperately tried to find the source of the scream.

Blood surrounds a pale haired boy who withers in agony on the floor, a silver knife jutting out from his eye. One that was unmistakably from the dining hall. I kneel beside him with Tris, as she and I calm him I hold his arms down. Pulling the knife out seems like a horrible idea.

Once the nurse comes Tris and I move back, we each have blood dampening our clothing and making our skin slick. It takes all the energy and power I have left in me to not vomit, someone else has already done that. I look at the faces of each initiate, each were plastered with fear and panic. But two faces are missing, the two I had heard. Drew. Peter, my own brother. Never would I think he was capable of something so cruel, never would I think he would say something rude to me so seriously. I regret coming to dauntless. I have watched my brother turn into a monster. I monster I didn't want to see; one I didn't want to be.

For the next hour I help Tris scrub Edwards blood from the floor, Chris brings us new paper towels and disposes of the ones soaked in innocent blood. Soon after we finished I ran to the bathroom; I couldn't hold it in anymore. Christina and Tris followed, Chris held up my hair while Tris desperately scrubbed at her hands and legs, stripping off her clothes before getting into a steaming hot shower. I followed suit, relishing in the torrents of hot water that washed over my freckled skin. Chris waits for us with towels and a change of clothes.

We lay awake and restless for the remainder of the night.


	15. Blood red once again

**Heyo, updating schedule is still pretty horrible because of school and other responsibilities. As summer comes hopefully it'll improve. I only own new characters, ideas, and events. I make no money from writing.**

The next morning, I walk with Will and Tris, Chris and Al are napping in the dormitory. Very few people lounged in there anymore, we spent as little time in there as possible. My heart was heavy, I hadn't seen my brother at all and neither had anyone else. I still can't believe what he had done, it made me feel so disgusted and sick. I'd rather be factionless or back ' _home'_ with our parents than deal with another thing he decides to do. I hoped this was his last act of cruelty but I couldn't shake the horrible feeling lurking in my gut.

"Alessa!" I snapped from my thoughts and looked for the source of the voice, Lynn was jogging up to me.

"It's your girlfriend" Will joked, his voice fell flat though. Like he didn't have it in him to be happy right now.

"Girlfriend?" Tris asked confused.

"It was just to mess with my mother, I got slapped for it." At that her eyes went wide, like she was surprised a parent could hurt their child. "But all is good."

"Are you okay?" she hugged me close, which was very unlike her. Even Tris seemed a bit shocked. In an instant she cleared her throat and made a small space between us. "I heard about what happened, you and her" she mentioned Tris like she was the plague. "Took care of him before the nurse came—cleaned up all that blood. And your brother—" she stopped, looking apologetic. "Are you okay?" she asked again.

"A bit shaken, disgusted, disappointed but other than that I'm fine I guess." I answered, "Have you seen him—my brother?"

"Yeah, he's in one of the corridors with those two freaks." She motioned for me to follow her, I told Will and Tris that I'd see them later before following her.

Sure enough my brother and his lackeys were leaning against a wall, mostly silent except for a few remarks. My brother had dark shadows under his eyes and looked as white as a ghost. He had built a lot of muscle since coming here but had managed to lose more weight than he had gained.

"You go talk to him I'll be right here, waiting to step in and kick ass." She smiled reassuringly. Taking a deep breath, I walked forward, his pain filled eyes softened as he looked at me.

"Go away" he ordered them, his voice conveying just how exhausted he was. They left in a huff, glaring daggers at me the whole time.

"Peter, you don't look like yourself" I dared say, with a sigh he slid down the wall and held his head in his hands. "What's going on?" I sat beside him and laid my head on his shoulder.

"I don't know; I barely remember anything. Just bits and pieces of things—things I can't believe I did. And things I've said—I feel so fucking powerless and confused." His voice cracked, only breaking my heart further.

"Peter" I sighed, I wrapped my arms around him. He leaned into me, breathing heavily. "Let's get you to the dorm, how long has it been since you've slept?"

"I don't know" he shook his head as he let me help him up, we walked past Lynn who trailed behind us. "I know what I did to him, I can't live like this…"

"Peter, we're going to figure out what's going on. Just please try your hardest to stop doing such bad things." I laid him in his bed and sat on the floor next to his bed, we talked silently for a few moments until the need for sleep overcame him. When I stood to leave Eric came in.

"How's your brother doing?" he questioned.

"He's fine, just tired." I lied, he nodded still looking towards him. I left not long after that but Eric refused to step out of the room, I was nervous about the way he was acting. I grabbed Lynn's arm before she could walk away with me in tow. Motioning towards the cracked open door we cautiously looked in and watched him. He took quite steps and kneeled beside my brothers bed, his rather large and tattooed hands held up a blood red serum. The look on Eric's face conveyed pain and he was hesitant to inject my brother with the serum. It was like he didn't want to do it but rather he had no choice.

Pain flashed across my brothers sleeping face, his body withering in agony. Lynn wrapped her arms around my waist so I couldn't lurch into the room. "What did he do to him?" I screamed in anger as Lynn dragged me down a corridor and far away from the dormitory.

"I don't know; I'll try to find out." She assured me, we finally stopped walking in front of another dormitory. "This is our room, dauntless born."

"Looks pretty much the exact same" I stated, "Why bring me here?"

"I wanted to get you away from Eric and your brother, you look tired. So I brought you here, get some sleep."

"Oh, uh, thanks but I don't think I'll be able to sleep anytime soon." Thoughts were racing through my head; why would Eric inject something into my brother, especially if he didn't want to?

"Then come on, there's a little initiation ritual the dauntless do. You can join." She smiles as I let her take my hand and guide me through halls I had never seen before. Soon we catch up to a group of dauntless teenagers, "Uriah this is Alessa, she's joining us." Lynn stated in a way that dared him to say anything different.

"Tris is too, guess they both have had a rough few days." Uriah said before giving a wide grin and turning to Tris. She looked grateful that I was here and she wasn't alone with the dauntless born.

We all run, meeting with another group of young dauntless though none younger than us. Our foot falls are thunderous, echoing off the walls and mixing with soft chatter. We reach darkened stairs, we run up them with some people tripping but either being caught or catching themselves; Tris is one of them.


	16. Flying and Crashing

**Hello lovely readers, I apologize for the lack of updating. But here is another chapter of my fanfic. I only own new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners.**

"Do the elevators work?" Tris asks Uriah in a hushed voice, although those around her could easily hear her. Lynn glares at her, as if she had just personally insulted her.

"Sure they do," Zeke speaks, rolling his dark eyes. "You think I'm stupid enough not to come here early and turn on the emergency generator?"

"Yeah," Uriah grins as he looks over at his brother. "I kinda do." Zeke glares at his brother, then puts him in a headlock and rubs his knuckles into Uriah's skull. Zeke may be smaller than Uriah but that didn't determine his strength, he was stronger and faster than Uriah.

Lynn shakes her head as I stifle a laugh at the site of Uriah's disheveled hair. The Dauntless move forward as the elevator doors open. We all pile in, members in one and initiates in the other.

Lynn grabs my hand and hauls me with her, shoving Tris and stomping on her foot on our way into it. I look back and see Tris wincing as she grabs her foot, "Was that really necessary?" I ask, my brows furrowed.

"Yeah, it was." She smirks and looks at our reflection in the once shining doors, until Uriah moves in front of it and attempts to fix his hair. "What floor?" Lynn asks, her voice a tad different than usual, deeper.

"One hundred," Tris says quickly.

"How would you know that?" Lynn glares at her, her voice conveying anger and a certain feeling that she is superior to her.

"Lynn, come on," Uriah shakes his head and looks at her with pleading eyes. "Be nice."

Tris glances at Uriah and then looks back at Lynn, taking no notice of me beside her. "We're in a one-hundred-story abandoned building with some Dauntless," she retorts. "Why don't you know that?" Lynn growls and keeps an angry expression on but doesn't respond to her. She reaches out and jabs one of the buttons, the dauntless must have reworked the system because I highly doubt anyone other than them wanted to ride in a speeding metal death trap. My legs turn to jelly, a feeling of weightlessness washes over me, and my ears violently pop. It was not a feeling I enjoyed too much.

Finally, it screeches to a halt and Lynn grabs me before I double over, nearly vomiting. "Such a weak stomach." She taunts playfully, a grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Shut up." I push her and walk from the elevator a breeze trickled in through a gaping hole in the ceiling. "How are we getting up there?" I turn and question Lynn but come face to face with Tris.

"I don't know" she shrugged, "I doubt any of us have that much leg power." She was right, the ceiling was exceptionally high.

"Stiff" Lynn pushes past her and pulls me to the ladder that I didn't notice Zeke had propped up against the hole, we're the first initiates to climb through, next is Uriah and Tris, then the rest that were in the elevator with us.

The wind is the first thing I take notice of, it nearly knocks me back but I keep steady with little help from Lynn. It didn't seem this strong when we were running and jumping off the train and to this building, but up here it was the only thing you could hear, the only thing you could feel. It whipped your skin in relentless torrents.

"Over there." Lynn points to Zeke after realizing I wasn't paying much attention to what was happening, I was more distracted but how much I could see from up here, how powerful yet so powerless it made you feel. It took my breath away.

I looked over to see that Zeke was strapping that bubbly girl from the train, Shauna, is being strapped into something that looked like a pulley system. Seconds past and she went sailing down, her squeal made of pure adrenaline echoed.

Initiates and members alike rushed to be first in the line, Lynn and I managed to be right behind Uriah and Tris. Tris was bouncing on the balls of her feet anxiously, she was the first initiate that would be going. Part of me was worried and scared for her but a much larger part was proud of her and knew she was going to love this.

She makes an odd sound shriek as she is pushed forward, her arms spread out like a birds' wings. I catch a glimpse of her face before she is gone, pure ecstasy and adrenaline are obvious. I hated the wild thumping of my heart whenever I looked at her or heard the sound of her voice, she was so oblivious to how strong and incredible she was in others eyes.

Lynn cleared her throat loudly, I looked back at her as she tried to hide her sad expression. "What's wrong?" I asked her, "And don't lie, I was a candor." I whispered the last part. People weren't too pleased when you talk about where you came from.

"You still love her." she looked forward, not letting her eyes roam to me. "The Stiff."

"First off, her name is Tris." I sighed, "And what does it matter? She's head over heels for our instructor." My voice was more bitter than I intended it to be.

"It matters to me." her voice was low, almost like she didn't want me to hear her words. But I didn't have time to respond, it was my turn.

I stood with Tris in the crowd of people who caught those on the zip line, we chatted quietly as our hearts raced, pumping pure adrenaline. And when we get back to the compound nothing seems the same, Lynn went off alone and wouldn't let me follow but Tris somehow seemed closer to me; more comfortable with me now.

Although Chris seemed jealous, distant and moody. I can see why though, two of her friends disappearing after someone was attacked. Building up all that worry just to find out we were out with dauntless born having the time of our lives. I would be jealous too.

After dinner I follow the familiar halls until I find the dauntless born initiates dorm, Lynn sat in her bunk alone, the rest of the beds vacant. As quietly as I can I walk forward and stand below her bunk. "What do you want." It doesn't sound much like a question.

"An explanation of what you said earlier and why you are avoiding me so soon after everything."

She scoffed, "I don't owe you an explanation."

"I never said you did."

"Whatever." After moments of silence I turned and left, she wasn't going to open up with me and I would have to accept that.

It had to be past midnight when I gave up trying to sleep and walked out of the dorm, walking down the halls until I came to the pit. I sat on the cold stone floor and hung my legs over the edge. The railing was just high enough for me to be able to slip my legs under and rest my head on the next one.

"Alessa?" immediately I knew it was Peter, he had been sleeping since earlier. "I can't sleep either; I can't stop puking this red stuff. Not blood, I don't know what it is." His voice was weak and cracking, tears formed in my eyes as he sat next to me, his eyes sunken in and his skin ghostly pale and sweaty.

We leaned against each other, our fingers locked together. We stayed there all night, neither of us sleeping but both of us broke down several times, tears trailing down our cold cheeks, the spray of the water washing over our bodies.

In the early hours of the morning we made our way back to the dorm and curled into our beds, now I wish they weren't so far apart.

 **Thank you for reading! Please review!**


	17. An unknown girl

**Hello nerds, here's another chapter for this shitty story. I still only own new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. Thank you for reading and please check out my polyvore for outfits and character pictures Noellamonster**

 **-Author/third person p.o.v**

"My love" a deep, gruff voice echoed from the darkness. "I've missed you."

"And I've missed you too Eric." Her voice fluttered through the night air, "That doesn't mean you don't piss me off."

Eric sighed as he walked forward and wrapped his muscled arms around Avalon, "You know I had to give those kids the pill, the girl just didn't react very well with it."

"She's divergent, of course she didn't. But with the tech they're using to make those even divergents are affected, it amplifies anger. And because of that a kid was almost killed. You are so lucky I was able to make something to detox that poor child's body."

"I knew all along you could, that's why I did what I did. I had no other choice Ava."

"Eric, you know I don't accept excuses." She huffed, her sea green eyes staring into the dark pits of her fiancées. Only when he was with her did they fill with life and love, he had spent so long hiding away all of his emotions that it had taken Avalon their whole friendship to gain his trust.

"I know that very well."

"Then stop" she said simply, her voice even and her eyes never breaking away from his.

"I can't, it'll end in death. Just continue making the detox serum, otherwise this kid won't make it."

"Eric, when this is over I'm going to kick your ass. But right now we both need our energy for the task at hand." Ava moved from Eric's arms, pinching he bridge of her nose. "Your mother is insane. How did you ever handle her growing up?"

A chuckle escaped his pierced lips, his arms pulling Ava close once again. "It was the hardest thing I ever dealt with, much harder than Dauntless initiation." She couldn't help but laugh, she was a dauntless born and had seen so many friends go through that hell.

Both of Ava's parents were divergents, not to the extent she was though. They had taught her how to pass through initiation for both dauntless and erudite without being detected. It started when she was young, giving her enough time to get it all down perfectly. Part of her was beginning to regret her choice simply because of two very special divergents who had made the mistake to choose dauntless. They didn't know what they had gotten themselves into.

"My princess, you know you don't look that bad in Erudite blue." Eric taunted her, earning an elbow to the gut.

"I can't wait to be back in black, and also out of these fake glasses and heels. Feels like my ankles are going to snap."

"I'll just carry you then" he swept her up and planted a kiss to her forehead, "You're making it very hard for me in dauntless. Having to clean up all of these messes. I have to put up a front but I have to help these kids."

"You make life hard." She mumbled, "Stop whining, you know how necessary all of this is. Eventually you can go back to just being the big scary bad guy, okay?"

"Only if you promise me you're coming back too dauntless when this shit is over." All signs of playfulness were gone, Ava sighed in response.

"I'll try my hardest but…"

"Avalon, there are no buts in this conversation. You are coming back home; you have no choice anymore. Cara can take care of Erudite and you can work from home. With me."

"I love you Eric."

"And I love you, my angel."

 **-Alessa p.o.v**

"Lynn!" I run up behind her but she acts like I never called for her. "Would you fucking stop!" I scowled, she stopped abruptly and turned to face me.

"What do you want?" she snaps.

"Oh cut the crap, Lynn. You've been ignoring me, acting like I don't exist, since we've gotten back! What is going on?" I huffed, before she could answer I rambled on, "I mean, at first I was just going to deal with you keeping private things to yourself but fuck that. You have no choice; I will never let this subject drop. Not until you tell me what is going on."

"Why does it matter?" she leaned against the wall, although her tone was calm her body was tense.

"Because it's bothering you and driving a wedge between us!"

"That just means you have more time with the Stiff."

"Lynn, what is your problem with her?"

"She's breaking your heart, that's reason enough for me to hate her."

With a sigh I stood in front of her, "I'll get over it, she's all for Four."

"Who hasn't even been treating her right! The few times I've heard them talk he's cold to her! And yet she's fawning after him while you're here ready to practically worship her! She wouldn't even give you a chance!"

"Someone has done the same to you, that's why you're so angry…" tears welled in her eyes.

"Twice now…" she cleared her throat, "I could be so good to you…" I just barely heard her words, my heart nearly stopped.

"Wait, wait what?" I was bewildered, I had never thought she of all people would have any sort of feelings about me. Lynn was on another level, in between celestial and unreachable. Did I like her? On some unknown level, yes. I was more comfortable with her than I was with anyone, other than Peter. I didn't fear her judgement, I didn't feel the need to look perfect around her, I didn't worry as much as when I was around other people. God, why are feelings so hard to understand…

"I've got a shit ton of feelings for you, Alessa. I see you and I'm happy, I see you smiling and my heart is going to explode with all of these feelings and my brain feels like it's just going to shut down. It feels so right to be around you, everything just falls into place and no one else matters. And whenever something makes you upset I want…I want to just rip it apart!"

"Fuck, that makes my heart feel weird." Was all I could get out of my mouth.


	18. Breakdown little divergent

_**Eh, I'm not happy with this chapter but hopefully I'll get better at writing about the fear sims. Avalon is a character from another person's fanfiction on here, her name is LillianPeace and you should definitely go check out her stories. Also, I own nothing except new characters and ideas, all rights go to the rightful owners, and no money is being made from my shitty writing.**_

We sit in a darkened hall, my brother was no longer back to being himself but for the few days he was he had gained weight and muscle rather fast. I worried for him, I was angry at whoever was doing this to him. I knew Eric had something to do with this. I also knew I didn't stand a chance against him. Not alone anyway.

Initiates were against one wall and dauntless-born were against the other, although I think that was more by choice. We were being evaluated together this time, meaning whatever was going to happen everyone was equally unprepared for. Wonderful.

"So," Lynn looks up from the floor, scuffing it with her shoe. "Which one of you is ranked first, huh?" Her question is met with silence at first, and then Peter clears his throat.

"Me," he says.

"Bet I could take you." She says it casually, turning the ring in her eyebrow with her fingertips. "I'm second, but I bet any of us could take you, transfer."

I don't laugh, if he wasn't the way he was right now maybe I would giggle and join in on the teasing and taunting. But right now I see him as a ticking time bomb and everything in me feared Lynn would be the next Edward.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, if I were you," My brother says with a cold smile, his once pale green eyes now dark with whatever plagued his system. "Who's first?" he questions.

"Uriah," she says. "And I am sure You know how many years we've spent preparing for this?" She's trying to scare them, intimidate them, get into their heads before they're called back for whatever torture waited for us.

"Lynn." Four walks out and calls her name, and she walks down the hallway, the blue light at the end making her nearly bare head look eerie. She had me shave it all off this morning, leaving it barely there.

"So you're first," Will says to Uriah. Uriah shrugs.

"Yeah. And?"

"And you don't think it's a little unfair that you've spent your entire life getting ready for this, and we're expected to learn it all in a few weeks?" Will says, his eyes narrowing.

"Not really. Stage one was about skill, sure, but no one can prepare for stage two," he says. "At least, so I'm told." No one responds to that. We sit in silence for twenty minutes. I count each minute on my watch. Then the door opens again, and Four calls another name.

"Drew" he says. Each minute wears into me like a scrape of sandpaper. Gradually, our numbers begin to dwindle, and it's just me and Uriah and Tris. My leg bounces, and Uriah's fingers tap against his knee, and Tris sits perfectly still except for her heaving chest. It must be anxiety getting to her. We hear only muttering from the room at the end of the hallway, and I suspect this is another part of the game they like to play with us. I was really starting to hate games.

Four touches my shoulder to guide me into the room and closes the door behind me. When I see what's inside, I recoil immediately, my shoulders hitting his chest. In the room is a reclining metal chair, similar to the one I sat in during the aptitude test. Beside it is a familiar machine. This room has no mirrors and barely any light. There is a computer screen on a desk in the corner.

"Sit," He says, he knows I don't very much like him and he knows I'm scared. He pats my shoulder and gives me an encouraging look, although the smile was absent.

I was divergent. I was going to die. What if with this test he could tell? Would he kill me on the spot? Would my body be found in the chasm one day? I was terrified. Terrified of the life I was leaving behind. Terrified of not saving my brother.

"What's this test?" I question, my voice is steady despite my trembling hands. "I'm guessing it's a simulation, like the aptitude test. You have a bucket ready? My stomach doesn't fare well with these things."

"It is exactly like the aptitude test except you'll be facing your fears. Literally. Most of these fears you won't even know you had." he says. "And yes, Tori informed me of your weak stomach."

"It's not weak, just sensitive." I huffed as I sat in the chair. I was shaking so badly I had to grip the arm rests to steady myself. I wonder how Peter did and if he was okay, I wonder what his fears were. My throat feels tight when I think about him.

"The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation." He continues.

"That seems reasonable." I take deep breaths, "Peter, my brother, how did he do?"

"He did okay, better than expected but still will be scarred for a lifetime. You were in his fears, if that's what you're worried about. He does love you. Somethings going on, you know that don't you?"

"We should get to the test" the effort I made to calm down was just torn to shreds. Was my brother divergent? "How does it work?"

"I inject you with this serum" I hate needles that plunge into my body, infiltrating me with something made like this. "I have wires, so I can see what's going on. But for you, there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer."

"Fun." The need is thicker and longer than any other I have seen; it's filled with an orange serum. He tilts my head and slowly dips the needle into tender flesh, a whimper escapes my lips. And then the needle is gone, a deep aching pain spreads from the injection site to my neck and throughout my body. My head is spinning.

"The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different from the aptitude test," he says. "In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions —like fear—and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down—that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."

"Sounds like a daydream" my throat is dry; my words are slurred.

"Be brave." Are the last words I hear that I know are real...

I sit in a pitch black room, the only light shining from the over-hanging lamp that only surrounds where I sit. The ground is as cold as ice, it seeps through my clothes and chills my bones.

"Alessa!" screams a familiar voice, agony weaving through the single word.

"Peter?!" I call out, as I stand ropes spring forward like monstrous arms and wrap around me. Dragging me forward where Peter was tied to a chair, he was nothing but skin and bones. Ghostly pale skin clung to every indent in his bones, every curve. His eyes sunken in and dark, deep, and bruised. Bright red liquid dripping from his mouth, nose, eyes, and ears.

"Alessa! Alessa, please!" he voice was hoarse, ragged, shredding my ears like broken glass.

"Peter!" I screamed, trying my hardest to get out of the ropes. A man with a thickly muscled body walked forward from the black nothingness and as he did a table seemed to appear beside my brother. On the table were freakishly large syringes filled with the sickly red serum.

"Why are you letting him do this to me?! Alessa!" my screams mingled with his as the man turned so I could see him. I expected him to look like Eric but instead his face was distorted, inhuman, a monster.

"Leave him alone!" I shrieked, my throat becoming raw. His broken mouth laughed, something deep and guttural. Something about it was even more wrong than his face, something so fake, so unreal.

Large, disfigured hands picked up the syringes as he turned to Peter who looked so terrified. I never saw my brother scared, I never saw him weak. Not until coming here. To this fucking hell. Another laugh. Another twinge of something in the back of my head, whispered words, my vision swimming.

"No." my voice was soft, I lifted my arms and the ropes crumbled to dust. "I'm in a simulation" I rubbed my eyes, my head throbbed, anger bubbling in me. "Peter is fine" I lied. Not even in real life was he okay.

I tackled the thing, the syringes now in my hands. I plunged them down into its face, again and again and again until he too oozed something foul and crumbled to dust.

I messed up. I shouldn't be able to change this. I shouldn't be able to do this. If Four didn't know I was divergent, he did now. I turned to Peter, blackness oozed from him as he cried in fear until finally crumbling and being taken away by an unfelt wind.

I woke screaming in the cold metal chair. Dry tears streaked my stoney face. I was angry. I was not afraid. I was so, so angry. "You all will die." My voice was steady, eerie. "You will all die for what you've done to my brother!" I lunged at him, not thinking, only feeling.

My fists smacking into Fours face repeatedly, blood streaming from his nose as he used his legs to kick me across the room. Pinning me to the wall as I screamed.

"Enough! Alessa!" I crumbled to the floor, I couldn't breathe. My chest felt so tight, hot tears stung my eyes.

"I'm divergent" I whispered angrily. "Kill me, kill me! I can't even help my own brother from turning into a monster! End this fucking guilt!" my voice was shrill; Fours eyes were wide. He sat beside me, his arms hesitantly came around me.

"I know you are. I am too." He whispered in my ear, "Keep your mouth shut about this. They won't hesitate to kill you, Alessa. Don't do that to your brother, to Lynn, to your friends. Eric is helping him, he's not the bad guy this time. But he has to follow orders or everything is fucked. You understand this?"

His dark blue eyes bore into mine, "I'm so tired." I shook my head, what did I get myself into?

"I imagine-" before he could finish I puked all over his chest. "I should have expected that, let's get you to the dorm and me changed."

I laid in bed, Four came back after changing, simply to check on me. "You lasted three minutes" he whispered to me, "Keep that to yourself, I'll fix the data. You'll be fine. Just, stop the breakdowns. Get some sleep."

It was midnight when I woke, someone was screaming from a nightmare. Chris was in my bed, Peter was rocking back and forth in bed ripping at his hair. Eric kneeled in front of his bed, a syringe in hand. A sympathetic look adorned his usually cold face.

"I understand" his voice was impossible to hear, "Four is fixing it, no one will touch either of you. Play your part, do as told and I can keep you all alive. When the times comes you make sure she knows to play soldier."

"What if-"

"No what ifs." His voice was stern, like a fathers. I'm guessing, I've heard fathers talk to their children that way.

"I don't want to feel this anymore, this anger and then sickness and then anger all over again. Just repeating over and over again, I'm hurting her and she's all I have."

"Believe me, I understand you more than anyone. The love of my life is in danger, her smarts are the only reason she's still breathing and ready to lead the resistant. You have to keep going until then, make it through. The factionless are going to be slaughtered. Don't slip and let yourself be one."

My brother held out his arm and let Eric dig the needle into him, slowly pushing its' contents into his veins. "It'll all be over soon. We'll get through this. And soon you'll meet Avalon, the woman who has saved you and your sister."


	19. Monsters

**Hey there nerds, her is another chapter of my story. I own nothing except new characters and ideas and blah, blah, blah. I make no money from writing and all the rights go to the rightful owners. Check out my polyvore to see outfits and character pictures Noellamonster.**

I was back in the cold metal chair, my skin aching from it. Had chosen a bad day to wear a cropped top My body trembled, my knuckles a stark white as I gripped the arm rests. "It's just a simulation, Alessa, you know this. Try to find a different way to face your second fear, think like a dauntless does." Four says quietly. He's wrong. The last simulation bled into my life, waking and sleeping. Nightmares, not just featuring the destruction of my brother but the feelings I had in the simulation—terror and helplessness and failure, which I suspect is what I am really afraid of. Sudden fits of terror in the shower, at breakfast, on the way here. Nails bitten down so far my nail beds ache.

And I am not the only one who feels this way; I can tell. Still I nod and close my eyes.

I am in darkness. The last thing I remember is the metal chair and the needle in my neck, Fours reassuring yet sympathetic dark blue eyes.

When my vision clears I see that I am nowhere I recognize, I am standing in an empty and endless desert. Shrubs and random splotches of dead grass covered the dry desert ground, bones of humans and what had to be monsters littered the ground.

"What…" I started to question myself when I heard thunderous footfalls, unhuman, monstrous. My heart jumped into my throat, the wall started to rise in the area just behind me. The gates locked. "No!" I screamed, "I'm here, please!"

"Die little divergent" echoed from the top of the wall, I sunk to my knees as I looked up. There stood Peter, a gun slung over his shoulder and a shit eating grin looking as if it was cut into his face. His eyes were bleeding red.

My heart hammered in my chest, the footfalls were louder now; so loud the ground shook and my body seemed to vibrate.

I turned, there stood three growling beasts. They all stood taller than I, taller than anyone, almost half the size of the wall itself.

One lunged, it's large body covered in a thick dense black fur, it almost looked like a wildly overgrown cat. Its claws sunk into my flesh and ripped down the front of my body, from shoulder to knees. I screamed in pain, only to hear Peters laugh somewhere off in the distance.

I scrambled back, managing to get myself standing again. Blood was dripping from my freckled and shredded skin, staining the desert floor.

I have to think dauntless…I have to beat this sim and not bring myself out of it with mind power.

Another lunged, this one was long and slithery. If I remember correctly this was a snake on a much larger scale. But the books said they were extinct…fuck.

I screamed as I charged the large cat monster, scaling the legs and swinging myself onto its neck. The snake lunged again, this time sinking its teeth into the cats' side. The third monster was the biggest, it had a dark grey leathery skin and razor sharp horns protruding from its head. It charged as I kicked the snake in its yellow slitted eyes. Its horns running right through the snakes and cats body, sticking to their bodies, unable too free himself. I stood jumping from the now bleeding to death monsters onto the stuck one. Before I could do anything I woke up.

My fist collided with Fours face and sent him stumbling back. "Goddammit Alessa" he held his jaw and looked at me with uncertain eyes. "You did better, you handled it like a dauntless would. You're scared of what's beyond the wall?"

"Yeah, being helpless and alone out there with whatever is living out there coming after him. Pretty stupid thing to be scared of but I mean…we have those high walls from a reason; I still can't figure out who's the monster though...whatever is out there or us."

"I understand that, it's difficult living with unanswered questions, letting your imagination get the best of you." He said. "I'm proud of you, Tris is still handling things like a divergent, she wasn't able to learn how to be a dauntless just yet."

"Does she know you know?" I question him.

"No, she doesn't. Not yet."

"Maybe you should tell her, so she feels safer and like she's not going to get killed at any second. Let her know what you and Eric told me, please. For her sake."

"I'll have to get Eric in on this, he's the one with all the information and knows how to handle these people the best. His girlfriend is divergent."

"I like that there are leaders here you can trust with anything…I'm desperately sorry for those in Erudite…how many of them have already died…" it wasn't a question, more like a very sad realization.

"Too many, and we're going to stop them before war breaks out."

I left, Lynn was leaning against the stone wall her chest heaving and head hanging down. "Hey" I spoke quietly, "What's wrong?"

Without a word she hugged me tightly, her arms around my neck as shakily tries to catch her breath. "I'm not even going to try lying to you anymore"

"Good, talk to me."

"You were in my fears today, please don't ask me to elaborate. I just want to forget it…"

"Let's go get a new tattoo then and I need a hair-cut, I miss my short hair." By now it was half way down my back and made me sweat like a pig.

"Maybe we can get a matching one." she attempted to smile.

I took her hand and leaded her to the hair place, it was a quick trim and washing. My hair had never felt so healthy. Now we were in the tattoo shop browsing the thousands of beautiful drawings.

"How about this?" she asked, it was a small snake. My breath caught in my throat. Monsters.

After a few minutes of painful silence; I spoke "Yeah, let's get it. You can choose where."

She looked to be studying me, "You already have a lot of tattoos, a few piercings…hmm…maybe just a small snake from your wrist to your second knuckle on your thumb?"

Fuck, it was somewhere I could see it. "Sounds great."

Lynn stepped closer and took my hand, "What's wrong?"

"A snake, a rather large one, was in my fears today. It was one of three giant monsters trying to kill me. I was locked outside of the gate."

"Look at me" her voice was gentle as she held my chin and tilted my head up to look at her. "No matter what happens I will never let you get hurt, I promise you"

Softly I pressed my lips to hers.


	20. Embarrassment

**Hello there, fellow nerds, here is another chapter of my story that I hope yall will like. As yall should know I don't own anything except new characters and ideas, I make no money from my shit writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. To see character pictures and outfits please head over to my polyvore Noellamonster.**

 **-Lynn's p.o.v**

Four days have already passed, four more fucking fears discovered. All painful and gruesome. But I was thankful still, I had Alessa here. Just sitting with me on my bed, we had been talking for hours. "So, what's your favorite food?" Alessa asked, her emerald eyes sparkling as she ate a muffin.

I thought for a minute "Maybe steak, medium"

"A medium sized steak?" her head tilted, a slightly confused look on her face. "That's specific"

"No" I laughed, "Medium done steak, not bloody or too tough."

"I've never had a steak, but I'm guessing they're pretty good based on your expression." She looked so gorgeous just sitting across from me, her hair tucked behind her ear, strands still escaped and framed her freckled face.

"You're starring again" she attempted not to smile as her eyes met mine.

"Because you're gorgeous" I admitted, my smile was too awkward and she was too perfect without even trying. Her face turned a bright red right before she covered it with her hands.

"Ooo, what's this?" I inwardly groaned as Uriah entered, the fucker was going to ruin the mood. Alessa covered herself with my blanket.

"I'm not here" she muttered, she was pouting. I just knew that.

"I think you are" Uriah waggled his brows at us, well, me I guess. Alessa probably couldn't see from under the blanket.

"Can we have some privacy?"

"Why, Lynn? Something _special_ happening? Am I intruding on _'alone'_ time?" I was going to kill him. He laughed and shook his head, "Special alone time is over, it's almost lights out. People are going to start filing in soon, better get a move on Alessa."

"Dammit" she cursed and threw off the blanket, nearly knocking herself off the bed. I had her by the waist, her face just inches away from mine. Green eyes glimmered and all I could hear was my heartbeat.

Her arms wrapped around my neck as our lips collided, rough and passionate, knocking the breath right out of me. Nothing else mattered except her lips against mine, her legs wrapping around me as I pulled her closer.

Uriah cleared his throat, "As I was saying a few minutes ago…" had it really been that long? "People are coming."

"I should be going then." She scurried off the bed and dropped to the floor, quickly fleeing our dorm.

"Not going to lie, that was really fucking hot." Uriah groaned as he threw himself onto his bed, the one below mine.

"Keep us out of your fantasies, freak."

"I make no promises!"

 **-Alessa p.o.v**

My lips still tingled, my breathing was just getting back too normal as I entered the initiate dorm. I changed into pajamas and climbed into bed, I didn't know what else to do. My mind was mush, my face still warm, my heart still racing.

Even as people entered the dorm and changed I could think of nothing else, she could be very blunt if she allowed herself to open up about certain feelings. I liked that, there was no beating around the bush with her. You knew what she thought and felt if she deemed you fit.

"Why is your face so red?" Chris and Tris had climbed into my bed, everyone else was asleep.

"You've been giddy since we got in here, big change from how you've been lately." Chris added, "I mean, it's not a bad thing. We just want to know."

"You guys know the dauntless born initiate Lynn, right?"

"Wait, are you guys dating?" Chris' eyes went wide as she grinned, I felt my face warming again.

"You two would be cute together." Tris smiled, we both looked at her with shock. This wasn't typical of her to say, she's still worming her away out of her abnegation mind-set.

"No, we aren't together. We just sort of kissed a bit today but Uriah was there so I might have run away."

"He'll never let you live that down" Tris stifled her laughter, Chris followed with her own odd laughter.

I rolled my eyes, "Shut up" I groaned, smooshing my face into the pillow. Then a thought popped into my head. "So, Chris…" I started, her eyes narrowed as she waited. "What's going on with you and Will?" I waggled my brows at her, a peachy blush rising to her cheeks.

"So there is something" Tris mumbled to herself, "Are _you two_ together?"

After a few minutes of silence and brow waggling she came clean, "Stop looking at me like that you weirdos. We're dating yeah and I really like him, but I don't know if dating in initiation is even allowed."

"Oh" Tris and I said at the same time, "Maybe we should ask someone who's already dauntless." I continued, "I'm not becoming factionless for a date, we have all the time in the world."

"I nominate Tris to ask Four." Chris spoke as I ended my sentence, I'm guessing this was her way of pushing the embarrassment onto the next person.

Tris blushed, soft pink crossed her cheeks and ended at the tip of her ears.

"Unless, of course, you can't handle it." Chris taunted her, which was her mistake.

"I will. Right now." She jumped off my bed and beckoned for us to follow her, this was going to be good.

We followed Tris down stone hallways, most of dauntless were asleep or drinking until their liver gave out. We were only dressed in our pajamas, a pair of shorts and some form of top.

"Oh, and by the way Alessa" Chris whispered, "You were ranked first, Tris and your brother were tied for second place." Worry, anxious tension, poured into me. This wasn't going to end well.

"And Al was last." Tris' voice was soft and filled with sadness.

"Oh! There he is" Chris nudged Tris who looked to have lost her spark now, she sighed and straightened herself before walking forward, leaving us behind a pillar to watch.

Four watched as she walked up to him, "What are you doing out of bed?" his voice was soft but firm, "It's way past lights out."

"I had a question" she stopped in front of him, making it easy for us to see.

"That couldn't wait until tomorrow?" he raised his brow.

"It could but I want an answer now…" her voice starting to drift and lose its power.

"Reasonable enough" he smirked, "Ask away then"

"Are initiates allowed to be with someone" she squeaked out.

His eyes widened and his face flushed, his voice no longer stern. "You mean…can they date?" he cleared his throat.

"He likes her!" Chris laughed a little too loud, snapping Four to attention.

"Whoever is behind that pillar better get their ass to bed, now!" he ordered, Chris was running back to the dorms now. She was still scared of him.

"Well, can they?" Tris pushed, Four melted again. For moments he just stood there making eyes at her.

"They can, you just have to be careful. Some things just wouldn't be okay with other dauntless and initiates…"

"Careful" she breathed, "Of course."

"I should be going, need some sleep" he stopped himself before getting too close, "Goodnight Tris." He walked away, leaving her alone.

"Come on Tris, stop your blushing" I smiled as Tris walked back to me and we started walking the long distance back to the dorm.


	21. The Truth Comes Out

**Hello nerds, I hate everything so I'm going to coat myself in glitter and sleep for the next 20 years. But anyway, here is another chapter that I hope yall will like. I still don't own anything except new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. To see outfits and character pictures head on over to my polyvore Noellamonster.**

 **-Tris p.o.v**

Alessa ran to the dorm, she had to use the restroom very badly. Before she scurried away she advised me to hurry up, no one good would be roaming the halls this late at night.

I tug my hair over one shoulder and bend over. As soon as the water touches my lips, I hear voices at the end of the hallway. I creep closer to them, trusting the dark to keep me hidden. "So far there haven't been any signs of it." Eric's voice. Signs of what?

"Well, you wouldn't have seen much of it yet," someone replies. A female voice; cold and familiar, but familiar like a dream, not a real person. "Combat training shows you nothing. The simulations, however, reveal who the Divergent rebels are, if there are any, so we will have to examine the footage several times to be sure." The word "Divergent" makes me go cold. I lean forward, my back pressed to the stone, to see who the familiar voice belongs to. "Don't forget the reason I had Max appoint you," the voice says. "Your first priority is always finding them. Always."

"I won't forget, Mother." His voice suggests anger, irritation.

I shift a few inches forward, hoping I am still hidden. Whoever that voice belongs to, she is pulling the strings; she is responsible for Eric's leadership position; she is the one who wants me dead. I tilt my head forward, straining to see them before they turn the corner. Then someone grabs me from behind. I start to scream, but a hand claps over my mouth. It smells like soap and it's big enough to cover the lower half of my face. I thrash, but the arms holding me are too strong, and I bite down on one of the fingers. "Ow!" a rough voice cries. "Shut up and keep her mouth covered." That voice is rougher, weaker, than the average male's and clearer. Peter. A strip of dark cloth covers my eyes, and a new pair of hands ties it at the back of my head. I struggle to breathe. There are at least two hands on my arms, dragging me forward, and one on my back, shoving me in the same direction, and one on my mouth, keeping my screams in.

I hear Alessa scream from somewhere that couldn't be too far, was her own brother going to kill her? I feel someone's hands falter, Peters I'm guessing.

My chest hurts. I can't resist three people on my own. "Wonder what it sounds like when a Stiff begs for mercy," A familiar voice says with a chuckle, this was not Peter; surprisingly.

"Hurry up." I try to focus on the hand on my mouth. There must be something distinct about it that will make him easier to identify. His identity is a problem I can solve. I need to solve a problem right now, or I will panic. The palm is sweaty and soft. I clench my teeth and breathe through my nose. The soap smell is familiar. Lemongrass and sage. The same smell surrounds Al's bunk. A weight drops into my stomach. I hear the crash of water against rocks. We are near the chasm—we must be above it, given the volume of the sound. I press my lips together to keep from screaming. If we are above the chasm, I know what they intend to do to me.

"Lift her up, c'mon." I thrash, and their rough skin grates against mine, but I know it's useless. I scream too, knowing that no one can hear me here. I will survive until tomorrow. I will. The hands push me around and up and slam my spine into something hard and cold. Judging by its width and curvature, it is a metal railing. It is the metal railing, the one that overlooks the chasm. My breaths wheeze and mist touches the back of my neck. The hands force my back to arch over the railing. My feet leave the ground, and my attackers are the only thing keeping me from falling into the water. A heavy hand gropes along my chest.

Alessas' screams are cut off as a banging noise sounds, something hard against what I think is her head. Peter falters again and almost drops me.

"You sure you're sixteen, Stiff? Doesn't feel like you're more than twelve." This was Al, the other boys laugh. Bile rises in my throat and I swallow the bitter taste. "Wait, I think I found something!" His hand squeezes me. I bite my tongue to keep from screaming. More laughter. Al's hand slips from my mouth. When Al lets go of me, I thrash again and slip down to the ground. This time, I bite down as hard as I can on the first arm I find. I hear a scream and clench my jaw harder, tasting blood. Something hard strikes my face.

 **-Alessa p.o.v**

"Alessa" someone's' rough voice wakes me from a haze of darkness, a soft twinkle of a voice follows his.

"Why isn't she awake yet?" Tris.

I tried to speak but instead of words a garbled mess erupts from my mouth, I can barely see the worry flash in her eyes. "head hurts" I finally managed to get out, it felt like my mouth was stuffed with cotton.

"Take this" my blurred vision was clearing up, it was Four. I was in Fours apartment with Tris. Four held out a pale blue pill. Almost immediately after taking it my headache subsided, a sigh escaped my lips.

"What happened?" I was able to stand after a few minutes and with the help of Tris.

My head was in my hands, anger and sadness blooming in my core. "I want everything explained to her, now." I wasn't in the state to be giving an order, especially not to a superior. But, quite obviously, that didn't stop me.

"What?" Tris looked confused, "I know what happened."

"No, you don't" Four admitted, and within seconds he divulged every secret he had been keeping. Everything from Eric to my brother and everything about divergents.

Tris sat on the bed beside me, anger casting a spell on her soft features. "We need to stop it." She pursed her lips, "Why aren't we doing anything?"

"We are, we're recruiting allies and forming a plan. Eric and his girlfriend are the head of this plan, Tris. We have to trust them or we'll all die; Jeanine has gone insane."

"Jeanine is Eric's mom" Tris added on, "What if he turns on us?"

"He won't, he knows the monster his mother is. The love of his life is divergent, anything threatening her won't survive long."

"Then why is he doing this to Peter?" now it was disgust that clouded her eyes.

"He has no choice; he'll detox my brother to help but there isn't much we can do about that. I'm sorry for what he's done. He's an ass but not like this. Every time he gets detoxed he cries and can barely move. He's not in control."

"I'm sorry" she sighed, "We should go though. People will be wondering where we are."

Four leaves us to change, we must walk in without him. I choose something loose, anything hugging my body would make the pain worse. Tris dabbed at the side of my head, "Dried blood." She explained sympathetically.


	22. Coward

**Hello nerds, I hate everything so I'm going to coat myself in glitter and sleep for the next 20 years. But anyway, here is another chapter that I hope yall will like. I still don't own anything except new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. To see outfits and character pictures head on over to my polyvore Noellamonster.**

Tris and I stay close to each other, before I could look to the faces of our friends Lynn was clutching my hands. "What happened?"

"Long story that hopefully I'll be able to explain soon." I sighed, she followed me as we walked to the table where Will, Christina, and now Uriah sat.

Al, Peter, Molly, and Drew were gone. How many times was my brother going to play the role of the monster?

"What happened?" Will asks, lowering his voice. By now Tris has noticed that none of them are here.

"Look who's missing." Chris seethes, "The usual suspects."

"And Al." Tris added, her face emotionless.

"Someone is missing from the dauntless born too, he was ranked last." Uriah noted.

"Guys. Tonight we all need to talk…something serious is going on here. We need you to be understanding. There are people you can't trust here." I wasn't going to let my brother get shit talked anymore, he didn't have control. I saw how much pain this was causing him; I saw how much he regretted everything. I wish they could too.

"You guys are worrying me." Will sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose, "Where will we be meeting?"

"In the training room, one of the few rooms that have no cameras. There's a door in the very back, it leads to a storage room. Far from cameras and people. Two hours after lights out."

"But seriously" Lynn started after a few minutes of silence, "I could, like, kill the people who hurt you though."

"True romance, the threat of death." Uriah winked at us, lightening the mood enough for conversation to flow.

It was hard to swallow, bruises encompassed my neck. I don't remember much from last night but the pressure of large, callused hands made me shake.

Four gets up and stands between the tables. Conversation abruptly ceases. "Transfers. We're doing something different today," he says. "Follow me." We stand, and Uriah's forehead wrinkles.

"Be careful," he gently hugs us both, he had to keep his enthusiasm down.

"Don't worry," Will and Chris wrap their arms around us, making us wince. "We'll protect them." Four leads us out of the dining hall and along the paths that surround the Pit.

Four turns around and walks backward a few steps—backward, on a narrow path with no railing. How well does he know this place? He eyes Drew, who trudges at the back of the group, and says, "Pick up the pace, Drew!" It's a cruel joke, but it's hard for me to fight off a smile. Tris looks towards me, a light in her eyes as she stifles laughter. Until of course her eyes meet Fours, jealousy flared in his dark eyes. I'm guessing he saw that her arm was entwined with Wills.

It hit me that I no longer felt the pang of jealousy, it was a relief. I could have her as a friend again.

We get closer and closer to the glass ceiling, and for the first time in days, I see the sun. Four walks up a flight of tall stairs leading through a hole in the ceiling.

They creak under my feet, and I look down to see the Pit and the chasm below us. We walk across the glass, which is now a floor rather than a ceiling, through a cylindrical room with glass walls. The surrounding buildings are half-collapsed and appear to be abandoned, which is probably why I never noticed the Dauntless compound before. The Dauntless mill around the glass room, talking in clusters. At the edge of the room, two Dauntless fight with sticks, laughing when one of them misses and hits only air.

Above me, two ropes stretch across the room, one a few feet higher than the other. They probably have something to do with the daredevil stunts the Dauntless are famous for. Four leads us through another door. Beyond it is a huge, dark space with graffiti covered walls and exposed pipes. The room is lit by a series of old-fashioned fluorescent tubes with plastic covers—they must be ancient.

"This," says Four, his eyes bright in pale light, "is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it will be like the next time you see it." Behind him, the word "Dauntless" is spray-painted in red artistic lettering on a concrete wall.

"Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it." That means that everyone will be like Divergent in the fear landscape.

I don't know if that's a relief, because I can't be detected, or a problem, because I won't have the advantage. Four continues, "The number of fears you have in your land scape varies according to how many you have." How many fears will I have? Only two had showed so far, something unheard of. What if new ones reared their ugly head? "I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation," he says. I remember when he said that. On the first day. Right before he put a gun to my brothers' head. "That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body—to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two. To keep a level head."

One of the fluorescent tubes above Four's head twitches and flickers. "Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?" We all nod. Even Drew, who makes it look painful. If I do well in my final test, I have a good chance of making it into the top ten and a good chance of becoming a member.

Becoming dauntless would only be worth it if my brother was by my side, not filled with a serum that was driving him insane. Just his normal self. Although after this ordeal who knows what state his mind is in…

When we get back to the dorm that afternoon, Al is there. Will stands behind Tris and I, one hand on each of our backs, as if to remind us he's here to keep us steady. Christina edges closer to us. Al's eyes have shadows beneath them, and his face is swollen from crying.

Al didn't attack me. He attacked Tris. I glance at her, her small frame is shaking and pain masks her features.

"Can I talk to you?" His voice shakes, her hand finds mine and she squeezes as hard as she can.

"Are you kidding?" Will squeezes her shoulders. "You don't get to come near her ever again."

"I won't hurt you. I never wanted to…" Al covers his face with both hands. "I just want to say that I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't…I don't know what's wrong with me, I…please forgive me, please…." He reaches for her like he's going to touch her shoulder, or her hand, his face wet with tears. I stand in front of her, the look in her eyes suggests more than anger or sadness, fear mingles with her emotions.

"Stay away from me," her soft voice cracks as she taps my shoulder, I move back to her side. Her voice low and losing emotion. "Never come near me again." Her expression is gone, replaced by an emotionless mask. "If you do, I swear to God I will kill you," she spits out. "You coward."


	23. Letting them in

**This chapter is dedicated to Icefire15.**

 **Heyo nerds, here is yet another chapter of my story that I hope yall will enjoy. As per usual I own nothing except new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. Lately it has been like my mental health took a big leap forward, meaning my physical health has improved too. Which hopefully means my writing will be better than it has been…anyway leave a review if you'd like!**

I smile as I walk with Lynn, my hand clasped in hers. Her skin was always so warm despite the chilly air that filtered through the compound. It was nearly two hours passed curfew now, we were making our way to the meeting spot where we would either wait for the others to arrive or I would dive head first into an explanation.

These people were our friends, Tris and I needed them on our side. But just below my calm surface worry bubbled, what if they turned on us like Al had? Some people crack under pressure, some people went crazy from stress. As if initiation wasn't stressful enough, we were about to add onto it.

Neither of us knew how our friends would take the news, how they would heed our warnings, how they react to what we were…

It didn't take Lynn and I long to get there, we crept through the room and into the closet where the others were waiting for us.

After a few minutes of silence Chris started questioning us, Tris and I both froze up. She must have been as worried as I was, she didn't show it though. I hoped I didn't either.

"What is going on?" Chris looked between the two of us, her eyes lingering on the bruises that covered our exposed skin.

"Divergents." I started, "That seems like aa good place to start…" I took a deep breath, Tris watched me with worry filled eyes. "They're different, their brain functions differently from what we consider normal. While most people's mind goes mainly in one direction theirs go in several. Contrary to what we are made to think, divergents aren't dangerous. They're as harmless as anyone else. Tris and I are divergents."

They all looked rather shocked, seemingly at a loss for words. Before any of them could speak I launched into part two of the explanation.

"Jeanine Matthews, the leader of erudite is experimenting and killing divergents. Using them as guinea pigs to find ways to control them since simulations don't work the same way on them, we're conscious during it. We know it's all fake and can control the sims." I paused to breath, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. "She plans to kill those she believes have helped divergents escape her, keep them safe. She's planning the genocide of abnegation and the factionless. She'll use us, dauntless, to murder them. After the last phase of initiation, we'll be injected with this orange thing and she'll be able to control those who aren't divergent, she'll force you guys to kill for her."

"This is a joke, right?" Will spoke, his shoulders slumped and his face contorted in horror.

"I wish…" I pushed the hair from my face, taking in the horror and fear and disbelief that crowded our friends faces. "There are people here in dauntless that know and are letting this happen, some of our leaders. The only ones I know we can trust are Four and Eric. Eric's' girlfriend is leading the resistance, she's divergent too."

"This is insane" Uriah sat on a box, which crumpled under his weight and sent him onto the concrete floor with a thud.

"But you're serious…this is all actually happening?" Lynn took my hands into hers, her eyes searching mine feverishly.

"She's serious." Tris finally spoke, "Jeanine Matthews is pushing us into war now, she won't stop until she's satisfied…"

"We need you guys, we need to know we can trust you. The night of the injections Ava, the leader of the resistance, is going to crash into dauntless and we're going to stop it before it begins. There are too many lives at risk to let this get any further…"

"We're meeting her tomorrow night" Tris added, "On the train, we won't be seen there."

Few words were said after that, murmurs of agreement filled the room. We had them backing us, they believed in us.

Our friends departed slowly as to not rouse suspicion from anyone walking the corridors, Lynn and I were the last ones in the room. She leaned against the wall, looking deep in thought.

"I'm sorry we're dragging you into this but I couldn't bear to see you being controlled, to see you killing innocent people…"

"Alessa, I'm glad you trusted me enough to let me in on this shit. It's crazy and part of me is still hoping I wake up and this is all some fucked dream…but I know it's not. The pain and terror in your eyes is too real for this to be a dream." Her hand came up and cradled my cheek, drifting to the back of my head as she pulls me into her. Her other arm snaked around my waist. "I would do anything for you Alessa, you know that?"

"Now I do…" her golden-brown eyes meeting my own, her lips softly yet hungrily coming down on mine. A sigh escaped me as we stood kissing, fueling her to deepen it. I was pulled flush against her, one of her hands in my hair and the other against my bare lower back; keeping me against her.

Pulling away for a breath of air, her eyes hooded and filled with lust, I felt the whimper leave me before I heard it. Our kisses became more passionate, hungry, needy. My lips moving to her neck, I trembled slightly as I bit and sucked the tender skin. A small grunt and a laugh escaping her lips, bruises already marked up the side of her neck. Thankfully, she returned the gesture and I melted into her as low whimpers and moans threatened to expose us.

"Who's in here?!" the door swung open, Lynn was quick to try and cover me. I didn't even realize my shirt had come off until now. One of our dauntless leaders, Max, loomed in the dark doorway. His eyes widened upon seeing us, "Oh." He turned and ordered for me to fix myself.

"I'm going to excuse this, this once." He didn't seem willing to make eye contact now, which surprised both Lynn and I. We knew he was one of the ones who were allowing Jeanine to control and kill, he could have easily stopped her but obviously, he must believe in her cause or was okay with the mindless slaughter of innocents. It made me sick to my stomach to think about it.

"Thank you, sir." I grabbed Lynn's hand and we quickly departed, going our separate ways once we reached the chasm. I could still feel the adrenaline, the excitement, and arousal pumping through me but this would have to wait until we were all safe…


	24. Hellish Nightmare

**Hello little nerds, here is a new chapter of my story that I hope yall will enjoy. Should I have this fic just end up being one long piece for every book or should I split it up like an actual book? As usual I own nothing except new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights belong to the rightful owners. Leave a review if you'd like.**

I barely was able to sleep that night, fear and adrenaline made my heart hammer, sparking me to life. It felt like boundless energy was surging through me.

I woke early in the morning with Chris, we dressed and walked from the dorms where most of the other initiates slept. Not many were early risers like Chris, not even Tris was.

Things were peaceful and quiet for a short time, other dauntless soon waking up and milling around waiting for the chefs to start breakfast. As we circled back to the chasm, wanting to feel the cool spray of water its raging waters offered, a shrill scream echoed off the walls.

Without thought we ran forward, a dauntless born initiate held her chest as if she had been shot; her mouth agape in horror as she gazed into the chasm. Others were racing forward, everyone trying to get a look at what had happened.

There was a body in the chasm, sickly pale and bloated. The person was obviously male, he was rather large too. His thick limbs were bent at unnatural angles, his face permanently etched with the trace of pain and terror. His swollen blue tinted face was painfully familiar.

"Al…" Chris choked, my throat tight and suddenly dry. My ears rung, the only sound distinguishable was the roar of the water and the sobs of my friend. My stomach churned and my eyes burned, my cheeks wet with what I assumed were tears I hadn't felt falling.

Suicide. Someone who we considered our friend committed suicide. It didn't feel real; the world was tipping oddly and I didn't feel like I was in my own body anymore.

Chris had left my side, how long ago I didn't know but soon she was dragging Tris from the corridor. Tris wasn't crying. I understood why, he had attacked her, attempted to kill her by this same cruel manner.

Peter was at my side before Chris was, his arms around me even though he didn't have much strength left in him. "Alessa, I'm so sorry…" sadness wouldn't describe this feeling, not at all. Maybe guilt, shame, numb. If I had only seen warning signs, if only I had done something then maybe Tris wouldn't have been attacked, maybe our friend would still be here laughing with us and getting tattoos after training…

"I…I could have…he would still…" I choked, Peter pulled back and looked into my eyes. Our eyes matched in color but his held so much pain, so much regret, so much sadness. I had failed him more than anyone. I thought he was a monster, I thought this was actually him. I nearly abandoned the only person I've ever had, the person who protected me from our parents and from strange guys. My loving brother, I thought he was gone.

Peters skin was so pale and cold, the bags under his eyes deep and nearly black. He had been losing weight again, he couldn't be more than 120 now. Sobs racked my body as I clutched onto what was left of him. "I'm so sorry Peter, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you…" my words barely audible, his grip on me tightened.

"You were, you tried but I was horrible…that stuff made me evil, made me act like a monster but you still stuck up for me. You believed there was something wrong, that I was still me. Maybe you doubted it, god I did…I thought I was going insane…"

"We should have never come here, we should have stayed in candor, we should have gone to amity…you would have been safe there…"

"But here we're going to make a difference, here you've made friends that will help us. Just hold on a little longer, we can lean on each other. Please."

Two men are hoisting Al's body up, Chris and Tris stand closer than I dare. I didn't need to see every gory detail nor did I want to.

Carelessly his limp, bloated body is dropped to the pit floor with a sickening wet thud. I nearly lose my balance and fall to my knees but my brother holds me up. They turn his body over, his lifeless eyes staring up at the high ceiling. My blood curdles, my heart drops into my churning stomach, I turn my head into Peter who gasps at the sight of Al.

"One of the initiates," says someone in front of us. "What happened?"

"Same thing that happens every year," someone else replies. "He pitched himself over the ledge."

"Don't be so morbid. Could have been an accident."

"They found him in the middle of the chasm. You think he tripped over his shoelace and…whoopsies, just stumbled fifteen feet forward?"

I wanted to scream, launch myself at them, make them regret talking about him like he's nothing. Peter held tighter as I tried jerking from his grasp, "Calm down." He whispered.

Someone kneels next to Al's face and pushes his eyelids shut. Trying to make it look like he's sleeping, maybe. Stupid. Why do people want to pretend that death is sleep? It isn't. It isn't.

He wouldn't sleep and when he did he screamed and cried and thrashed…he was too still now, too pale, too swollen.

I choked back another sob, nearly a scream now, Peter must have decided it was time to leave. He was pulling me away from the scene, his arms still tightly around me, it didn't feel like he'd ever let go.

We sit on his bed in the dorm, his blanket wrapped around us while we sit in silence. I'm no longer sobbing but hot tears still trickle down my face, my nose is stuffed making it harder to breathe. My body trembles from sadness or cold I couldn't tell, Peter rocks us as he runs his fingers through my hair in an attempt to calm me.

I couldn't help but think of how much I missed him being my brother, caring about what was going on. Sadly, Molly walks in with a smirk. She goes on about an article Jeanine had written about Tris' father, how he probably abused her and that's why she actually left home. "And now she's down there all sad about her little dead friend, pathetic."

Peter couldn't hold me back this time, she looked like she already had a bruise forming on her cheek. I lunged and knocked her to the ground, my fists cracking her nose and jaw as they smashed into her face repeatedly until Peter pulled me off. "You're disgusting, pathetic, ignorant, you should have been the one to throw themselves over the chasm!" I spat, venom coating every word, "You're crazy and I can't wait to see your world come crashing down around you." Snarling as Peter pulled me back and onto the bed.

"Get the fuck out of here, Molly. Don't even dare talking to me or my sister again, in fact don't even talk to her friends or I'll make you regret it." My brothers voice was lethal, fear seeped into Molly's' blood covered face. She scrambled to get up and escape the dorm before one of us snapped.

"I'm sorry." He sighed as he wiped blood from my cheek, "I don't know why I ever hung out with her or Drew, maybe I was crazy, maybe the serum woke me up more than I realized." Relief flooded me, hearing those words made me believe that he was going to be okay and was going to survive this.


	25. Escape for just a minute

**Hello little nerds, here is a new chapter of my story that I hope yall will enjoy. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be splitting this fic up like the books but it may only be two parts since I am changing the story line a good bit but we'll see I guess. As usual I own nothing except new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights belong to the rightful owners. Check polyvore for character pictures and outfits Noellamonster. Leave a review if you'd like.**

My stomach churns as I look over the chasm, when I close my eyes I can still see his lifeless eyes.

I let the stinging pain of my arm anchor me to the present. My friends stood beside me, we all had just gotten new tattoos. It wasn't the same without Al. Did he get tattoos so often so it would numb his pain, to keep himself grounded?

I shouldn't be thinking like this, it would tear me apart if I let it. Peter walked over to us, his eyes sunken in. "What'd you get?" he asked me, without a word I held up my arm. A white snake was coiled around a black rose, delicate leaves overlapping the reptile. Three small geometric figures were added to add extra dimension to the piece. "I like it." He managed a smile, carefully he pulled off his shirt.

Feathered wings encompassed his whole back, continuing onto his arms and down into his pants. Did my brother just get his ass tattooed? I'd rather not have known that.

"They're incredible…" I gawked, "Must have hurt like a bitch though."

"Oh yeah, worth it though." Slowly my brother was turning back into his old self, although now he was more mature and aware of the world around him. There were parts of him I knew would never be the same. He wouldn't be as collected, his emotions more guarded in fear of going berserk like the serum caused. He didn't want to find out if it had lasting effects on his psyche; frankly I didn't either.

I watch as papers are torn and thrown into the chasm, my stomach lurching as Tris and Will argue. "Is this really necessary?" I snap, my knuckles white as I grip the slick railing. "We all want something different, want more than what we have. But we can't have it. Tris is right, abnegation take care of the factionless. They don't horde things for themselves, I've seen them." Will hangs his head, his face the color of fresh blood. "But I do agree that abnegation shouldn't be running things anymore. People have grown, our world and needs have changed. We need a council of leaders from every faction to lead us all."

"I think I agree with Alessa." Chris noted sheepishly.

"I know I sure do." My heart fluttered at the sound of her voice, Lynn was walking up to us with a smile, her short hair a mess and her bed clothes on. "Isn't my baby adorable when she talks politics?" she joked, she held her arms opened as a signal of wanting a hug.

Without aa second of hesitation I threw myself into her arms, her grip was tight, pulling my fractured pieces together. Her warm lips pressed against my forehead, then the tip of my nose, and finally my lips.

"It's bedtime," Christina says, smiling. "Ready to go back?" I could her the smile in her tone.

"I'm stealing Alessa for the night, you guys have fun." Lynn yawned and took my hand in hers, guiding me away from the group and back to the dauntless-born dorm.

"Nice new ink" she smirked as she helped me into bed, plopping down beside me and pulling me close. Our bodies entangled in a way that probably looked uncomfortable but soothed our deepest aches.

I run after Tris, Chris staying behind to cover for us and attempting to stop Peter from following us. A task I knew was impossible.

All three of us sit on the train, Tris still doesn't trust him. While I understood her reasoning it still upset me, he didn't have control of himself. He was watching himself through a monitor, his memories have come crashing back and some nights all he does is cry. My brother was not the nicest person back in candor but he never would have done anything so cruel, he had a soft soul.

"What's your brother's name?" he tries to break the silence, she shoots him a disgruntled look.

"Ugh, his names Caleb." She finally spoke.

The train slows as it reaches the heart of the city, and I sit up to watch the smaller buildings grow into larger buildings. The Erudite live in large stone buildings that overlook the marsh. I hold the handle and lean out just enough to see where the tracks go. They dip down to street level just before they bend to travel east. The air is cold and moist, almost refreshing but not as much as the chasm waters.

The train dips and slows, and we jump. My legs shudder with the force of my landing, and I run a few steps to regain my balance. I walk down the middle of the street, heading south, toward the marsh. The empty land stretches as far as I can see, a brown plane colliding with the horizon.

I turn left. The Erudite buildings loom above me, dark and unfamiliar. Did Tris even know how to find her brother without making a fuss?

My answer came shortly after. She marched into the largest, center building and right up to the desk directly underneath a narcistically large portrait of Jeanine Matthews.

"How can I help you?"

"I am looking for someone," her voice is full of anger. "His name is Caleb. Do you know where I can find him?"

"I am not permitted to give out personal information," he replies blandly, as he jabs at the screen in front of him.

"He's my brother."

"I am not permi—"

She slams her palm on the desk in front of him, and he jerks out of his daze, staring at us over his spectacles. Heads turn in our direction.

"I said." her voice is terse. "I am looking for someone. He's an initiate. Can you at least tell me where I can find them?"

"I suggest you help the lady." Peter stands beside me, I don't even attempt to hide my smirk.

"Beatrice?" a voice behind us says.

Tris runs at her brother, her arms thrown around him. He stiffens, their words muttered and his eyes flickering to everyone watching us. A sickly feeling twists my gut, I don't like him.

We exit the building and cross the street. We're forced to jog to keep up with him. Across from Erudite headquarters is what used to be a park. Now we just call it "Millennium," and it is a stretch of bare land and several rusted metal sculptures—one an abstract, plated mammoth, another shaped like a lima bean that dwarfs me in size.

We stop on the concrete around the metal bean, where the Erudite sit in small groups with newspapers or books. He takes off his glasses and shoves them in his pocket, then runs a hand through his hair, his eyes skipping over Tris nervously. Like he's ashamed. But why would he be? Was he nothing like his sister, was he not relieved to see her?

"What are you doing here?" he says.

"I wanted to go home," she says like it's obvious, "and you were the closest thing I could think of."

He presses his lips together.

"Don't look so pleased to see me," she nearly snaps.

"Hey," he says, setting his hands on my shoulders. "I'm thrilled to see you, okay? It's just that this isn't allowed. There are rules."

"I don't care," Tris is losing her patience. "I don't care, okay?"

"Maybe you should." His voice is gentle; he wears his look of disapproval. "If it were me, I wouldn't want to get in trouble with your faction."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I know exactly what it means. He sees our faction as the cruelest of the five, and nothing more.

"I just don't want you to get hurt. You don't have to be so angry with me," he says, tilting his head. "What happened to you in there?"

"She grew up." I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I looked him up and down. "Is that concept really so hard to grasp?"

The stares are getting to Caleb, Tris pulls him from view. Peter and I lean against where they hide from prying eyes.

"Um…hello." a fairly short and chubby girl walks up to us, "Is Caleb in there?" her silvery blue eyes are piercing, her long wavy auburn hair looks to be freshly pulled from a bun. "He was supposed to stop by the library and my father is not happy that he's late."

"Are you an initiate? I don't remember you from the choosing ceremony." I ask, biding time.

"Oh, no" she laughs nervously. "I won't be choosing until next year, and even then, I won't have much of a choice. Mrs. Matthews is making it nearly impossible, starting next ceremony any transfer is dooming their family. She'll make them factionless. Although her words are much prettier than mine, hides the cruel truth, doesn't it?" her voice turning bitter, her eyes cast towards the ground.

Peter tries to talk, stuttering like a nervous child.

"What?" her expression and tone change, her head cocks to the side and a childlike wonder fills her doe eyes. A laugh escapes my brother, the first I've heard in a long time.

"I said, things will change if you hold onto hope." He still fumbled over his words but got his point across.

"Maybe, I hate that I can't help to change it."

"Deidra!" the girl groaned, the girl who was jogging up to us was Ava. Eric's girlfriend, the leader of the rebellion.

"Deidra, we have to go, now." She snapped, her eyes much more blue than I remembered.

"You two shouldn't be here." Her voice moving to a harsh whisper. "And definitely not talking to my little sister. Get out of here before her little lackeys come, grab Tris too."

"Sister?" Peters eyes bulged as he watched Deidra leave, her blue dress tighter on certain lower and higher areas.

"Yeah, hands off." She warned before walking away with a scowl, playing her part of protective older sister and leader of something that could get many people killed.

We didn't leave fast enough.

Once back in our dark and traitorous compound Eric set in on us, which I should have expected to be honest. We jeopardized everything that has been in the makings for so long, we could have ruined the chance to save lives and ensure a future where Jeanine Matthews isn't leading us with a cold, iron fist with a heart to match.


	26. Just sort of here

Thankfully Eric and Tobias didn't see the need for a punishment, just a warning and an hour of nonstop yelling. Part of which I might have fallen asleep for.

Tobias pulls Tris to the side, whispering to her about something I couldn't decipher. "What was that about?" I questioned when she made her way back to my side.

"He told me to meet him here tonight, couldn't tell why he wants me to." Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed.

"Want me to follow you back there tonight for back up just in case." I joked, we both knew Tobias wouldn't hurt her. It was easy to tell he had feelings for her, although it wasn't easy to tell how deep they ran or how real they are.

"Ha-ha, so funny."

"Tris, Alessa!" Chris nearly rushed us when we walked into the dorms, "Where have you guys been all day?!" her eyes scanning us for any sign of injury. "I was looking all over the compound for you guys, even outside. You two were nowhere to be seen. Did you get in trouble for hitting Four?" she directed the question towards Tris, her face temporarily flushing pink.

"Uh…no I didn't, he yelled at me but that's it. And I just…I needed to get away, I went for a walk; a long one." She was getting better at lying, keeping herself relaxed but steady and her gaze on Chris.

"And you?" Chris believed her story and now turned her eyes to meet mine.

"I was with Peter, we left the compound and just had some time to sort through things." I shrugged, "After everything we needed it."

Her expression softened, "Is he okay?"

"I don't think he will for a long time, he puts on this front but it's so easy to see through. But let's move onto a new subject, to something good, please."

"Well…" we all plopped onto Tris' bed, waiting for Chris to keep talking. "Can you two be…ugh…girls for a second?"

Tris and I exchanged confused looks, "We're always girls…" Tris almost made it sound like a question.

"No! You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl."

"'Kay" Tris shifted her voice and twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

"Please kill me." I groaned, "Just spill, Chris."

She stifled a laugh and grinned, one that reached her eyes and showed every single pearly white tooth. "Will kissed me." She stated simply.

My jaw dropped, ""What?" Tris and I overlapped each other, speaking as one. "When? How? What happened?"

"I knew you could be girls!" she laughed then straightened, "Well, right after Tris' little episode, we ate lunch and then we walked around near the train tracks. We were just talking about…I don't even remember what we were talking about. And then he just stopped, and leaned in, and…kissed me."

"Did you know he liked you? Tris asked, "You know, like that."

"Oh come on, it was so obvious, she had to have known!" I shook my head until my eyes met Chris's, her face a blood red. "Or not...I guess."

"No, I didn't know!" She laughs. "The best part was, that was it. We just kept walking and talking like nothing happened. Well, until I kissed him."

"How long have you known you liked him?"

"I don't know. I guess I didn't. But then little things…how he put his arm around me at the funeral, how he opens doors for me like I'm a girl instead of someone who could beat the crap out of him."

Tris stays silent for a moment, maybe thinking of what she and Tobias could be after initiation, after the rebellion. "I'm happy for you." She finally says.

"Thanks," she says. "I'm happy too. And I thought it would be a while before I could feel that way…you know."

As if on cue we look around the dormitory. Some of the initiates have already packed their things. Soon we'll move into apartments on the other side of the compound. Those with government jobs will move to the glass building above the Pit. The forced memories of this room will be gone, the incessant smell of blood and bleach, the pain my brother went through in that bed, the empty bed of someone who was once our friend. We wouldn't have to see it every waking moment.

"I can't believe it's almost over," she says. "It's like we just got here. But it's also like…like I haven't seen home in forever."

"You miss it?" I hug my knees to my chest and Tris leans heavily against the bed frame.

"Yeah." She shrugs. "Some things are the same, though. I mean, everyone at home is just as loud as everyone here, so that's good. But it's easier there. You always know where you stand with everyone, because they tell you. There's no…manipulation."

"Yeah, I can agree with that…" I sigh, "Back in Candor we wouldn't have had to worry about what is going on right now, we wouldn't have been corrupted so easily. The serum would have been used, the truth is far uglier and Jeanine would have been shut down so much sooner." I almost laughed, it tasted bitter in my mouth.

"I don't think I could have made it through Candor initiation, though." Chris shakes her head. "There, instead of simulations, you get lie detector tests. All day, every day. And the final test…" She wrinkles her nose. "They give you this stuff they call truth serum and sit you in front of everyone and ask you a load of really personal questions. The theory is that if you spill all your secrets, you'll have no desire to lie about anything, ever again. Like the worst about you is already in the open, so why not just be honest?"

I don't know when I accumulated so many secrets. Being Divergent. Fears. How I really feel about my friends, my family, Al, Lynn. Candor initiation would reach things that even the simulations can't touch; it would wreck me. I couldn't regret leaving too much.

"Sounds awful," Tris says, she looks away from Chris.

"I always knew I couldn't be Candor. I mean, I try to be honest, but some things you just don't want people to know. Plus, I like to be in control of my own mind."

Don't we all.

"Anyway," she says. She opens the cabinet to the left of our bunk beds. When she pulls the door open, a moth flutters out, its white wings carrying it toward her face. Christina shrieks so loud I almost jump out of my skin and slaps at her cheeks.

"Get it off! Get it off get it off get it off!" she screams.

The moth flutters away.

"It's gone!" Tris nearly screams it, then realizes what just happened and starts laughing. "You're afraid of…moths?"

"They're disgusting. Those papery wings and their stupid bug bodies…" She shudders

"Oh no, poor Chris let me go fetch Will to protect you from the scary moth!" I laugh and head for the door, I didn't make it far before Chris tackled me to the ground. Tris' laughter echoed around the room, she fell onto her bed and held her stomach. Chris sat on me with a humph, unwilling to let me go in case I ran.

"It's not funny!" she argued, her voice barely audible over our hysterical laughter, "…okay maybe just a little." She couldn't keep her own laughter in.


	27. The final test

I watch as Tris walks to meet Four, the cold stone wall making the exposed skin on my back ache.

She looks tense, as if expecting something to wrong at any second. But I suppose with the world we live in that it isn't unreasonable. I creep forward as she turns the corner, Four is waiting at the door where we had both left and returned from. She relaxes as he comes into view. At one point seeing that would have sunk my heart, I was glad I had changed and grown. I was glad I had her as a friend although I would still end him if he hurt her. That part wouldn't change.

"What are you doing?" my fist connected with a soft stomach before I swept my leg and knocked whoever snuck up on me onto the ground.

"Oh no." I squeaked out, regret and guilt bubbling in my stomach; making me feel sick. "Oh Lynn, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you I didn't know it was you, I'm so sorry." I fussed over her, she was gasping for air on the floor but trying to look tough.

"Who's there?!" Fours voice boomed, echoing down the halls. Before I could react Lynn had pulled me on top of her, her lips pressed hard against my own.

An extremely male sounding squeak was heard then fumbling and a loud thud, as if he had fallen over Tris. As if on cue Tris groaned in pain, mumbling something under her breath.

I climbed off Lynn who in turn smirked at our crimson flushed superior. "Wow what are you doing out with an initiate?" she questioned him, raising her pierced brow.

"If both of you leave now then there will be no consequences." He wouldn't look at either of us, his vision trained on the wall behind us.

"If you insist." She heaved herself up and took my hand, I shot Tris an apologetic look before being dragged away.

"Thanks." We stopped once we were far enough away, we stood half-way between the two dorm rooms. We should part ways here.

"Shut up." She snarled, roughly pushing me against the wall. The bitter cold of the stone shocking my senses. Her lips locked with mine, I shuddered, sighing as I melted into her. I never realized just how badly I wanted this, wanted her. Her arms snaked around me, pulling me flush against her.

My breathing is unsteady, I felt nauseas. Today we would go through the last step of initiation, we would face our fears in front of everybody. We would be watched and judged on how well we faced our fears. I hoped to go at least close to last, I would know how to work the simulation then. I would know how well to do, I couldn't do so well that it drew too much attention to myself.

Slowly I raised the fork to my mouth; I had chosen a salad composed of spinach leaves, avocado, tiny shrimp, tomato bits, sliced carrots, sliced cucumber, bacon bits, and a light dressing. I ate healthier than my friends I suppose, although I guess some of them were scared this would be their last satisfying meal and soon they would be factionless. Or worse. We all knew what would happen after this last test. We all knew the risk of death was going to be at an all-time high.

After I finished eating I filed into the dorm with Tris, both of us letting our tension rung bodies fall onto our beds. Only seconds passed before I heard her light snoring, how exhausted had she been? I sighed, turning on my side and watched as other initiates either slept or relaxed as best they could. My brother sat on his bunk, staring at his hands as if they held every answer he could ever want.

It didn't feel like much time had passed before we need to leave the dorm, each initiate dressing comfortably. It looked like it really hurt Molly to even breathe, I was glad. Her face was still battered and bruised. I'm pretty sure I caused permanent damage. She deserved it, after everything she has caused.

I pulled on a plain black cropped shirt, a pair of cutout fishnet leggings, and my black boots with chain detailing. As always, I had on the necklace Peter gave to me, a black and silver rimmed crescent moon. I still had on the make-up I applied earlier, it didn't look too horrible so I left it alone.

Every initiate, including dauntless-born, were crowded together like a herd of animals. No one looked calm, you could see the anxiousness in their eyes. Tension filled the empty spaces, so thick it could be cut with a knife. We all knew today was it, few of us knew what was going to happened afterward. Others just thought it was a huge test that either left them here or on the streets. But it was so much more than that, Tris and I reminded our friends of that. Everyone was scared. Although we were all too proud to admit that.

We walk to the Pit and up the path that leads to the glass building. I look up at the glass ceiling, so many people walk above us that no sunlight is able to peak through. The only thing we can see are the black soles of boots. My own boots making a slight metallic jingling noise as I walked, the chains on the back are what made these my favorite.

My eyes flittered around, taking in the appearance of the people around me. I saw Uriah biting his nails and Marlene smacking him for it. I saw Chris take Wills hand in her own trembling one, I saw Tris shift closer to me.

"This is it." She whispered, "Avalon is coming." No one heard her other than myself, the sound of hammering feet on the concrete stairs drowned out her voice.

"I know, be prepared. Our friends already know to be." None of us would be injected, we would all fight and kill as much as this situation called for. In either outcome we would become killers, but at least in this one it would be corrupt and evil people who went down and not innocent ones.

Soon we enter a room, everyone is crowded around a series of screens, the testing has started. Dauntless-born are going first, it looks like Marlene either volunteered or was chosen to start it all. Cheers fill the room, we are proud even though we don't see what she does. I am thankful for that, we get to keep that part of ourselves private.

I sigh, the room is almost unbearably hot with the amount of people crammed inside. Their bodies radiating, beads of sweat drip off nearly everyone.

The middle screen shows her heart rate. It picks up for a second and then decreases. When it reaches a normal rate, the screen flashes green and the Dauntless cheer. The screen on the right shows her time.

I tear my eyes from the screen and jog to catch up to Chris and Will. Tobias stands just inside a door on the left side of the room, it's next to the fear landscape room. I wipe at my forehead as I walk past him, he gives me a single glance. His features set like a statue, he was guarding everything today.

The room is large and contains another screen, similar to the one outside. A line of people sit in chairs in front of it. Eric is one of them, and so is Max. The others are also older. Judging by the wires connected to their heads, and their blank eyes, they are observing the simulation. Great, they would see. I pray my fears had nothing to do with what was about to come or what had already happened. I hoped my fears were crazy, like the one with the monsters beyond the wall. But I didn't feel like that was one anymore. After everything, how could I be fearful of that?

Behind them is another line of chairs, all occupied. Tris, Lynn, and I would stand. I suppose I didn't mind, that is of course until I thought of why so few chairs were here. They didn't think at least four of us would make it, they expected four of us to die or leave before this.

I felt the need vomit, my weak stomach not able to stand the volts of energy and anxiousness running through me. I already knew after the simulation I wouldn't be able to hold it back, everyone here would get to see me get sick.

The lights lift in the fear landscape room, revealing Marlene in a crouch, her face streaked with tears. Max, Eric, and a few others shake off the simulation daze and walk out. A few seconds later I see them on the screen, congratulating her for finishing.

Dauntless-born were soon enough cycled through, my anger rising as I watched Lynn in her simulation. I wanted to know what she feared, what she was seeing.

"Transfers, the order in which you go through the final test was taken from your rankings as they now stand," Tobias says. "So, Drew will go first, and Alessa will go last."

That means six people will go before I do. A sigh of relief escapes me, I will know exactly how to do.

I stand in the back of the room, a few feet away from Tobias. Eric and I exchange glances when he sticks Drew with the needle and sends him into the fear landscape room.

The fear landscapes are not interesting to watch from the outside. I can see that Drew is moving, but I don't know what he is reacting to. After a few minutes, I close my eyes instead of watching and try to think of nothing. Speculating about which fears I will have to face, and how many there will be, is useless at this point. I just have to remember that I have the power to manipulate the simulations, and that I have practiced it before. I just couldn't go at it full force, if I did then I had no doubts I would be dead within seconds.

Molly goes next. It takes her half as long as it takes Drew, but even Molly has trouble. She spends too much time breathing heavily, trying to control her panic. At one point, she even screams at the top of her lungs. At that I smirk, what could possibly have her that scared? Was it wrong that I wanted to know, that I wanted to see what was happening?

Christina is next. Then Will. Then Peter. Lastly Tris. It hurts to watch them suffer, to watch as they fight things that I can't see and help with. My brother looks so tired by the end of it. Their times are pounded into my head: twelve minutes, ten minutes, thirteen minutes, five minutes. Fuck, just five? I groaned internally, I couldn't let myself beat that time. It was already too short.

Soon it is my turn.


	28. Corruption

**Hello fellow nerdlings, so sorry for the drop off. I had lost some chapters somehow and had to rewrite them. I lost some hope and for a bit didn't think I was going to come back but I couldn't stay away; I enjoy writing too much. While my schedule is a bit busy, I will do my best to post at least once a weak. Anyway, as yall know I don't own anything except new characters and ideas, I make no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. Thank you for being patient, thank you for reading.**

I grimaced as Eric sunk the needle into my tender flesh, the simulation serum bitterly cold as it flooded my veins. It kicked in faster than the other two variations. My head swimming as I fell under.

The dizzy spell lifted as fast as it came on. I opened my eyes as I felt air whipping my skin, I was falling through an endless sky. I looked down and didn't see an end, I narrowed my eyes unsure of what this was or how I could manipulate it without giving myself away. Before I could think my body slammed into a freezing red sea, this was not here before. I kicked, panicking, this wasn't something I had seen before.

Screams pounded against my ear drums, frantically I turned to see my brother. He was much younger looking, fear and anguish clouding his small elfish features.

"Alessa! Please!" he begged, frantically I kicked forward trying to reach him but it was hopeless. The red water was thick like jelly, I was making no headway no matter how hard I kicked.

I searched my mind for something, some way out of this. I stopped kicking, steadying my breathing. I was not helpless. My brother was not a small child. He was not helpless. I repeated to myself as I closed my eyes, sinking into the gelatinous red sea. My brother stopped screaming.

I opened my eyes, Eric and Tobias stood before me. I waited as they circled me. "This is your last test, your last chance to stay in dauntless. If you fail—" there it was, failure, I can't…I was terrified I would. My lip involuntarily trembled. "You lose them." Suddenly, where there was nothing before, a gaping hole with thick metal spikes protruding from the bottom appeared. My friends dangling by thin ropes just above it.

Eric spoke now, "Beat us." I wasn't the most confident in my fighting skills. I wasn't horrible but I wasn't like my brother, I wasn't like Lynn.

I hesitated but drove forward, it was merciless. No matter how hard I fought, no matter what I did they knew everything. They shifted, taking on the forms of monsters like the ones I feared were beyond the gate.

In the end, I managed it but was barely able to stand, blood and sweat dripped down my battered body. As I fell onto the cold concrete everything changed again. This time I stood in what appeared to be a waste land, the only person there was my brother and myself. But he didn't look like himself, his eyes rimmed with dark bags, his hair a ragged mess, his clothes torn and bloody yet there was not a single scratch on him. As he moved he revealed the countless number of bodies that lay behind him. Among those were Chris, Will, Lynn, Marlene, Uriah, Tris, Tobias, Eric, Avalon, Al, Edward, Zeke, and Myra.

This fear was losing him to the serum _they_ pumped into him. I scowled, lunging forward without thought, this fear now brought so much anger. I brought my fist down as he taunted me, blamed me for what I let him become. Only when his head was caved in and I was covered in blood and brain matter did it stop.

I shot up in the metal chair, Tobias and Eric stood back as they waited for what was to come. They had a trashcan waiting. Violently I vomited, my body shaking as I was in a cold sweat.

"Does this happen every time you inject her with a serum?" someone questioned.

"Yes, her stomach is weak to something in the serum." Tobias said, his voice stony. He came and helped me up, taking off the electrodes he stuck to me.

"Water?" Eric produced a bottle as he leads me out. "What was my time?" I questioned as I gained my footing.

"3 minutes and thirty seconds, you only had three fears. That's crazy." I shrugged, I didn't fear much, I could have told him that from the beginning.

I stood with the other initiates in a glass paneled room, none of us looking at each other, each of us still recovering from what we were forced to see. I doubt it looked good that I was pounding someone unforeseen to them.

Tris had told me that Tobias goes into his fear landscape to try to conquer them, find new ways to fight them. I think I might start that once everything is settled. It seemed smart, a tad masochistic but he chose dauntless after all; we all did.

Max, Eric, and Tobias walk into the room with a group of unfamiliar people following closely. Each holding a thin black case. "There is one more thing before you can go and get ready for the welcoming banquet." he says.

He beckons to one of the unfamiliar people behind him. A woman with blue hair hands him the thin black case she had been holding. He opens it and takes out a syringe and a long needle. Inside is an orangey brown serum, it looks similar to what they inject us with for the simulations but the color is wrong.

"This will inject you with a tracking device that will be activated only if you are reported missing. Just a precaution." Max added quickly, noting our disturbed expressions. We all knew it was a lie. Everyone in this room knew, even the dauntless-born we hadn't befriended. Everyone here deserved to know.

Screams filled the room as both Eric and Tobias pulled out guns, a woman dressed in black and dark blue came crashing through the glass ceiling. Everyone was braced, we all knew she was coming. Avalon; leader of the resistance.

Guns were thrown to each of us, it wasn't hard to take down the few here. They didn't see it coming, Max and his team were all too focused on their own corruption.

Peter was by my side as we ran through the halls of dauntless, taking down those who were corrupted by either Jeanine or Max. Avalon knew more than any of us thought she did, she knew who was a traitor and who was innocent here. Corruption thankfully hadn't spread to any of the other factions. Avalon stepped in before Erudite moved on to Candor.

One final sweep of the compound left us sure there were no surviving traitors, all of the cameras were destroyed. Erudite could not see or hear us now. They didn't have enough power to act but I didn't give it long before they found a way.

Avalon gathered us in the cafeteria. We all ate as she talked.

"By now you should all know my name; Avalon. I was raised in Erudite under the corruption of their leader; Jeanine." Anger grunts and scowls echoed on the concrete walls as she smirked, "I was taught how to fight by a divergent dauntless named Amar, he taught me of the corruption. My mother too knew of it, helped me to learn of it and become smarter and stronger than Jeanine and Max. I myself am a divergent." She explained to everyone what a divergent was, what it meant for us. "Amar went beyond the wall, learned what he could and brought it back to me. But still there was corruption even out there. The people out there are the ones who made some of you the way you are, instituted this system, and watched as like lab experiments. They kill as they like, they change our lives, wipe our memories as they please. Amar left along with a man named George Wu, together along with several other divergents they took out the people who did this to us, they went to other cities like ours. There were others who went through what we did. They helped him to continue to destroy those who put us here. Some societies were different, the ones like ours functioning the best. But there was always corruption until a council was formed."

She paused, taking a swig of water and walking closer to the center. "We are going to destroy the destroy the corruption here, we will no longer abide by the lies Jeanine has spread. Together we mark the end of this life, together we shall venture into a brighter future."


	29. Factionless

**Hello fellow nerdlings, here is a chapter for yall now that I have a bit of down time. Thank you for being patient. As usual I own nothing except new characters and ideas, I make absolutely no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. Thank you for reading, hope yall enjoy it.**

I stood with my friends and brother watching and listening to Avalon, I caught a glimpse of Eric behind her. He starred at her with dreamlike eyes, a love filled smile changing his features dramatically. He no longer looked demented, he looked softer and trust worthy. Eric truly loved Avalon, it was the type of love that couldn't be doubted; anyone could see it. It was the kind of love everyone ached to have. Even myself.

Peter squeezed my hand. "This is it." He looked so hopeful, he stilled looked sickly but for the first time since we've been here there was hope and courage in his eyes.

I took a deep breath, my eyes watering as I tried to calm myself. There was a long road ahead of us but finally Avalon was here, there was hope for us all. My brother would be okay, my friends would be okay.

"For now, we eat and we rest. In the morning we go over the plans, we don't give Erudite time to start their own plans; we don't give them time to act. Erudite has a strict curfew."

There was a murmur of agreement. As everyone was leaving Avalon came up to my friends and I, a determined yet grim look on her face. "Except for you guys." She motioned for us to follow her: Lynn, Marlene, Uriah, Zeke, Christina, Tris, Will, Peter, Eric, Four, Tori, and myself. "A group called the Factionless, who everyone has heard of, has taken my sister. They learned of the corruption, an inside spy, they want to be a part of this plan. Their leader wants to meet to discuss what she wants, how she thinks the plans should change. We're going there to 'negotiate.'" Her smirk told us all that we need to be armed and ready.

"We should hurry then, no need to leave them waiting." I rolled my eyes.

"One more piece of information, their leader is a woman named Evelyn. Evelyn Johnson-Eaton." We all turned to face Four, whose real name was Tobias Eaton. "Four already knows this, she's contacted him before. He's the one who she contacted for this, not me." Poisonous anger dripped from her words, her glare as lethal as the guns we carry.

"She may be my mother but she's as corrupt as Jeanine, she wants the factions broken apart, she wants to rule over all of us on her own. That's what she'll say tonight, except it'll be wrapped in a shiny bow." His stone-cold eyes moving from one of us to another, letting his words sink in. "I almost succumbed to them once, weeks ago, but Avalon and Tris promptly smacked me into seeing what she was doing to me." His hand slowly raised to his cheek. "I deserved it." Tris was looking up at him as if she had no regrets and was tempted to do it again just for the hell of it.

"Take caution, by the end of the night there will be no more factionless. They've all been tainted by the same ideals, they have weapons and will use them. The threats they've sent me, what they said they'd do to my sister…they'll regret it." Her words like daggers, piercing the tension in the air before she turned and walked toward the exit.

It didn't take horribly long to get to the outskirts where the Factionless reside. The train bustled along the tracks like the world was okay, like we weren't trapped in an experiment and fighting for our freedom. I was leaned against Lynn during the ride, my brother was talking to Avalon and Eric.

"We're almost there, get ready to jump." Four, who had been keeping watch, alerted us. We all stood and line up at the train doors, two jumped at once for efficiency and safety. Lynn took hold of my hand and we jumped together, the cold wind whipped my skin as we tumbled and came to our feet. Peter, Uriah, Zeke, Eric, and Marlene stayed outside, never coming into view of the people in or outside of the Factionless compound. They would take out those unwilling to change and take the children back to the train where we would take them to Amity. It was the safest place for them, Avalon sent over four dauntless members to watch over their faction.

Together we walked to their makeshift compound, things weren't great but they at least had a place to live. They dressed in several colors, some were pieces of different factionless clothes sewed together. While their home wasn't in the best condition you could tell they ate and did what they could to train. Some of these Factionless came from Dauntless, whether raised or a transfer.

We were watched by hate filled eyes, smaller children looked curious and others mimicked their parents and elders. Lyn gripped my hand tighter, her face lacking emotion but I knew pain and anger were brewing on the inside.

We reached a room where a rickety table and chairs stood, two men clad mostly in black stood at the back with guns in their hands. One was Edward, the other I didn't recognize but he looked a year or two older than Four. A woman who resembled Four, stood as we entered. She looked middle-aged with curly black hair, olive skin, stern and angular features, a hooked nose with a strong jaw, a spare upper lip, stick-out ears, and dark eyes that look almost black. Her lips turned up in a false grin, her eyes conveyed all that she was trying to hide. She reminded me of a vulture, just looking for someone weak enough.

We all sat as she finally spoke. "Good evening, I'm so glad you all decided to come. Let's not waste time." She laughed, we all stayed stoic. She plunged into this huge plan that we all knew would lead to the demise of too many people. In the end she would be leader, our society should not be led by one person. No one person should have so much power. I could tell we all thought along the same lines, we all agreed that we should keep the factions but install a council where faction leaders meet.

A loud bang outside the door was our signal, now was our time to make a move. Evelyn sent out her two guards, obviously thinking she had us on her side. "Doesn't it all sound wonderful?" she grinned, something unhinged sparking fires in her eyes.

"You are unexplainably delusional." I shook my head, watching her eyes go wide as though she didn't expect my behavior. That was her mistake. "What? You expected any of us to buy your bullshit? Absolutely not. You're not going to lead anything, you aren't even going to be alive much longer." I rolled my eyes, leaning back as Avalon stood.

"She's right." A devious smile played on her lips, she walked forward as Evelyn jumped from her chair and tried to make a run for the door; she screamed out for help as she ran.

Four was up and guarding the door, she threw herself into her sons' arms. "Stop her!" screamed, "She'll ruin everything, ruin all my plans! Kill her, kill her!" she slammed her fists against his chest.

"No." Four sighed, "I hoped you would have changed, that maybe you would see how insane your ideas were and that human lives were more valuable." He shook his head, "But you're still the same woman from when I was little, delusional and only out for yourself. It got worse." He grabbed her, turning her towards Avalon. "You kidnapped a young girl, threatened her and possibly tortured her just to get a meeting. You didn't even try to contact Avalon before or after that. I can't imagine wat you would do to get what else you want. I won't let you hurt anyone else, I won't let you brain wash another person." He shoved her forward and seconds later the gun went off several times.

"I'm sorry you had to witness that." Avalon pursed her lips as she walked over Evelyn's body. "No one should have to see their parent killed."

"You did." He stated, "The only difference is my mother deserved it. We don't have cells, we don't have a way to keep her confined. She would escape and hurt people again."

Avalon nodded and walked from the room, we followed without question. A small group of people were waiting by the tracks, mostly children but there were some older people. Four adults, two teenagers, seven children under the age of 12. Thirteen people total. Along with them stood a short, curvy girl in a tattered blue dress with a black jack draped across her shoulders. Deidra. Avalon swept a piece of hair out of her face and held her close.

"Hello." Avalon greeted them, her voice calm. "My name is Avalon, I understand you followed Evelyn; you believed her delusional words."

"We did, for a time. She told us things that weren't true, the few times we ventured out without her knowing we learned things…" one man said, he had dark hair that was starting to grey and small wrinkles lining his hazel eyes. "She wanted to turn against the Abnegation that helped us, she said they weren't helping us as much as they could. But we would leave and read the articles made by Erudite. Nothing lined up."

"We struggle as a society but soon we shall fix things. Our world will thrive again. In time things will get better. Erudite went about things in the wrong way, so will every single faction on their own. We all need to come together, a council of faction leaders to decide things as a whole." Avalon continued to explain her ideas on the train, the children watching in wonder. They didn't understand what was going on. Tris and I took Deidra to a different train car, helped clean her up and gave her spare clothes. She wasn't full trained but Avalon had started to train her, she knew that Deidra needed to be able to keep herself safe as well. We handed her a gun and a knife.

My brother took to her the minute we walked back in, Avalon didn't notice at first but once she did her stare turned venomous.

We left the train and started the trek to reach Amity. Most would be asleep by now, their leader and our guards would be waiting.

"How many of these children are yours?" I asked.

"None. My wife passed along with our unborn child." The man from earlier spoke, sadness twinkling in his eyes. "I take care of the twins there, their parents abandoned them when they were newborns. My wife and I took them in."

"We have two." A woman spoke, a man's hand clasped in hers, "The little blonde girl in grey and red and the blonde boy in blue and orange."

"My son is this one." The last woman spoke, motioning to a toddler waddling beside her.

"The other ones don't have parents now, they refused to believe anything we said to them, swore up and down Jeanine would lead them to safety." Peter furrowed his brow, his gaze on the ground.

"Wasn't anything we could do to change their minds." Uriah shook his head, "I'll never understand it."

"I don't know how Edward fell for it." Tris and I looked to each other than moved to the teenage girl.

"Myra?" Tris touched her shoulder.

"Yeah, it's me. I know Edwards dead, I know he deserved it. He did everything that woman asked, no matter how horrible and cruel it was. He was the one who took the girl."

"I'm sorry." I bit the inside of my cheek, "I know you blame my brother…but there were things happening to him…" she narrowed her eyes as she looked at me.

"Nothing can explain what he did." She snarled.

"It can." I nearly snapped, anger rising in my voice. "He was filled with a serum that made his rage uncontrollable, filled him with horrible, murderous thoughts. Do you not see how sick and tired he looks? He was as good as dead." I had to stop myself, my breathing shaky as she looked at me with wide eyes. She was shocked to say the least. "You don't understand how strong he is. The one time I was given it…I couldn't control it like he could. I have so many more negative feelings, so much more anger. I almost killed Molly right in front of everyone. They never gave it to me again, they needed to perfect a version just for me. My brother fought everything off enough to keep himself and others alive. I almost didn't."

"Things are worse than we've heard." Was all she said, Peter and Lynn pulled me back, both sticking to my side.

Soon we reached Amity, the most beautiful smells tickling my nose.

"I forgot how beautiful Amity was." I sighed.


	30. Progress and new homes

**Hello fellow nerdlings, here is a chapter for yall now that I have a bit of down time. Thank you for being patient. As usual I own nothing except new characters and ideas, I make absolutely no money from writing, and all rights go to the rightful owners. Thank you for reading, hope yall enjoy it.**

 **-Backtrack to factionless compound, Eric p.o.v**

I waited with the small team that Avalon set aside, Peter, Uriah, his brother Zeke, and Marlene readied their guns. We walked in moments after Avalon's group, they needed time to make their way through and to Evelyn's meeting place; more than likely a boarded-up room with dauntless rejects as her guards.

None of the factionless looked surprised to see us, just angry or scared. "How many more of you are coming through?" a man only a few years older than myself grunted, his eyebrows so bushy they nearly covered his eyes. He looked to be dressed in every factions' color.

"Just us." Marlene spoke first, "Our job is to escort out factionless who believe in a better life and are willing to change. We know Evelyn has been your leader, we know you trust her, but she has filled you with lies and false hope. Her own son claims she is delusional, she's willing to wipe out whole factions so she can rule over all." Her words seemed to affect some of the factionless while others stopped paying attention.

"Get out of here." Another woman spoke, she was missing a leg and lacked both hair and emotion. "None of us will leave her." Still there were no emotions held in her words, as if she was reciting this line from memory.

"You tried to leave before, didn't you?" Marlene kneeled beside her, "She punished you." The woman turned away, her lips pursed. "Our team is going to stop her, we can give you safety. You can be carried, life can be good again." Everyone watched with baited breath.

"Why should I trust you?" a quiver of sadness then nothing again.

"Because we're the ones fighting against genocide, from both Evelyn and Jeanine Matthews." Uriah spoke up, looking grim as he did so.

I watched them, letting them talk knowing that wasn't my strong suit.

"It's true." A woman spoke, a man stood close to her with two young children huddled against him. "We've ventured out, the leader of Erudite is planning something similar to Evelyn."

All hell broke loose the second the woman on the ground nodded and went to take Marlene's outstretched hand.

Men and woman alike coming at us with both real and makeshift weapons. Many dropped dead, the ones who believed us hid with children. Unfortunately, the ones who grew crazed even killed their own, the ones who hadn't hid and looked like they were going to go with us. Some of those people were children, one of those was the woman Marlene was now holding.

Peter held a child as blood bubbled from the slit in her neck, tears cascading down both of their faces. He was in shock, he couldn't help the little girl and I knew he couldn't bring himself to bring her peace. I did what he couldn't.

"I'm sorry." Peter muttered between shaky breaths. "Their own children…"

"Under Evelyn's rule they were driven crazy, lies and bullshit crammed into their heads day in and day out. They probably thought they were protecting them in their own fucked way." I shook my head, "Nothing can excuse it or make it better but know there was nothing we could do once they decided on it."

Marlene escorted those who were alive out, took them to the tracks while Uriah and Zeke got rid of the bodies. Peter and I moved forward, first we found Deidra. Her clothes were torn, cuts and bruises visible on her pale skin. She gave us a weak smile, knowing to stay quiet. She was tied to a board, daggers stuck to it around her.

Peter untied her, and I carried her out, leaving her with Marlene and the others to care for while we finished what we set out to do. Peter scouted the compound for any remaining factionless. Once he circled back and confirmed there were none left we knocked over a metal crate, creating a loud bang for Avalon and the others to hear.

As I had thought, Evelyn had two reject dauntless initiates guarding her. One was Edward, the other was someone I didn't recognize. Peter froze seeing Edward, he was the reason Edward was wearing an eyepatch and the reason he was factionless. To make it easier on him that was who I went after, thankfully Peter took the hint and went after the other one who was already trying to head back to warn Evelyn. He didn't make it far, Peter threw a dagger. It protruded from the back of the unknown rejects skull.

We took their bodies to Uriah and Zeke, they had just finished burying the factionless. They scowled as we laid out two more. By the time they were finished, and we made it back to the tracks I could see my lovely, fierce fiancé walking in the distance. The others close by.

 **-Alessa p.o.v**

We made our way to the first large building, it had few walls. It was where the members of Amity ate. They had made long bench tables, only pillars separating them from the outside. I guess it made sense, they were peaceful and in touch with the nature around them I doubt any of them liked to be closed in.

Johanna was waiting for us with three other older members of her faction. A sad smile formed as she saw the scared and dirty children. She escorted us into another building, each person showered and changed their clothes. The children were assigned rooms, two to each. The adults with children were given a unit where they would live. Myra and the other teenage boy were placed with initiates.

Before Johanna let them sleep she gave them all food, took their names, and gave them a job here.

"Thank you for taking them in." Avalon smiled as she spoke to Johanna.

"It's the least I could do, you are keeping us safe. You gave us new ideas on how to increase food production 10-fold. You have helped me improve their way of life here. I am glad to return the favor and make their lives better. I will assign someone the job of caring for the children with no family."

"I'm glad everything is working then; our society needs to improve in so many ways. Thank you for being on my side, Jeanine has over stepped. Your presence on the council will give me confidence and add a gentler approach than any other could offer."

Johanna smiled, "You flatter me, child. But for now, you must go, you and your team need rest and so do the new members of Amity."

"Of course, be safe Johanna." With that we departed.

As soon as we got back to the compound Avalon, Eric, and Four gave each of the initiates a room where they would reside. We were full-fledged members now.

I sat by the pit, watching the waters slosh against the stone walls. Everyone was in bed by now, or so I thought.

Lynn sat beside me, her arm snaking around my waist and pulling me closer. I let her, laying my head on her shoulder. "Hey there." My voice heavy with exhaustion. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"I could ask you the same question." She shrugged, "But I'm sure we have the same answer. It feels weird to sleep alone, it feels weird to sleep with so much to do." I nodded in response to her words.

"I'm so tired, it should be easy to sleep but no how dare I try to sleep." I grumbled.

"Let's try again, come on, lead me to your apartment." Lynn stood and pulled me up with her. We stumbled tiredly through the dimly lit halls, eventually we arrived at my apartment. I pulled out my keys, dropped them, and kicked them as I tried to pick them up. Lynn laughed as she picked them up and unlocked my door with ease.

"I hate everything." I groaned and walked into my apartment, fumbling to take off my day clothes and put on pajamas; completely forgetting Lynn was behind me. I stiffened and turned to her, her face was as red as a tomato. "I'm sorry." I felt my cheeks tingle as embarrassment washed over me.

"It's…it's all good." She stammered. She was already in sweats and a tank top, I was now in an oversized shirt and shorts.

I crawled into bed with her following close behind, it was no longer awkward or embarrassing. It was easy, natural, as if we've been doing this for our whole years. We cuddled close together under the blankets, it was always chilly in the compound.

It wasn't long before we fell asleep.

Blood curdling screams woke us only two hours later, I threw myself from the bed. I grabbed my keys and bolted to my brothers' room two doors down. I fumbled but managed to unlock it, I threw myself onto Peters bed and did my best to gently wake him up. His face was blood red, his knuckles powder white from the grip he had on the sheets.

"Peter, Peter!" I begged, he shot up nearly hitting his head against mine. "Peter, what happened?" I stroked his cheek as he leaned into me, his eyes wide, sweat dripped off him onto the blanket.

"Nightmare…" his breathing labored, "Red." He had told me he had been having nightmares from when he was under the influence of the serum. I knew he had a form of ptsd, I knew he was depressed, I knew he was burying himself under a mountain of pain and self-hatred.

He was crying, silently, as if I wouldn't be able to tell. I wrapped my arms around him, running my hands through his hair until he calmed. Lynn stood at the doorway watching, a hopeless look crossing her face.

"Everything will be okay, we'll get you help. Just hold on until we're able to get the resources for it." I saw Lynn perk up, she dashed down the hall.

It wasn't long before Peter fell asleep again, I told him not to hesitate to come into my room or page me. On the walls of our room there was a set of buttons with a speaker, we were able to page someone in a different room. We could either page them to come into the others room or talk to the by holding down their button and talking close to the speaker.

I covered my brother and left his room, locking the door behind me.

"I talked to Will and Avalon." Lynn ushered me into our room, both stood in their pajamas looking tired but worried. "Tell them what's going on with your brother."

"I can't tell you everything, obviously, I'm not in his head and I didn't experience it to the extreme extent he did. But it's had lasting effects on him, he has nightmares every night, sleep paralysis, insomnia, he is traumatized, and so hopeless and sad, he blames himself for everything that happened. I read in a book once, while in school, in the Erudite library. It sounds like he has something called ptsd and depression, plus the two other things I mentioned by name already. It's things we thought were eradicated."

"They are." Will rubbed his eyes, "Was. But that doesn't mean they can't resurface, the mind is a very complicated organ."

"I'll contact Cara, Wills sister, have her go over old works and studies. See if she can find a way to either cure or help him, we're in the dark right now but we'll do what we can to help him. Get some rest, the both of you." Avalon walked out with Will leaving moments later.

"Thank you, Lynn." I hugged her, she waddled to bed with me still attached her. We plopped into bed, silently laying together until sleep overtook us.


End file.
